Time for an update!! A few posts back I talked again about our adoption and how we had 18 no's. That number is now up to 27. So that means 27 times we have had our book shown to an expectant mom and 27 times they have chosen another family. 27 times is a lot. It's almost become a joke to us (inasmuch as it can be) by us saying "27th time is the charm." I'm pretty sure we started saying that back in the teens sometime. It's funny but it's not. I think it probably comes more from a cynical heart. Someone asked me the other day where I was in my heart with it all and I said every time we present I just assume we won't get chosen. To be honest it's hard to know how to process it all. Of course I know the truth-that God can provide for us at any time and in any way that He wants to, but it just doesn't seem like He will.
We are to the point in our process where we said we would re-evaluate and see if we wanted to continue with the adoption process or to just be done. We ended up having a conversation about it in June and realized that we would not have to pay any additional fees to keep going until the end of January, so we have decided to go until January and if God has not provided for us by then, we will be done.
I obviously have mixed feelings about this. Part of me is so thankful to have an end date in mind. Like I talked about in the last update I gave, adoption is so so draining and it feels good to have an end date to the draining. With that though I am fully aware that January may come and we may not be matched/have a baby. I know if that happens it will be a death of a dream for me. There will be a season of grieving and grieving is never fun. It's never fun to die to something that you so strongly desire. I can tell God is preparing me for the possibility of that. I feel more okay in my heart if God is saying no. My constant prayer is "God, help me want what You want more than I want what I want."
I'm still hopeful that God will provide a baby for us. I'm still hopeful that His answer isn't no, but just wait. I'm still hopeful that one day we will have another baby in our home. For now though, I will thank God for the two amazing children He has given us and continue to try to love and serve them the best way I possibly can.
Friday, August 10, 2018
Sunday, May 27, 2018
All Things?
Weird title for a blog post right? Let me explain. The last few months our pastors have been preaching through the book of Romans. When they announced they were going to preach through it I decided I would study Romans in my personal Bible time too. This week in my Bible time I reached the verse that many people know and many people quote. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I'm sure you've heard it, even if only in part or a paraphrase. It's a go-to phrase for times of grief and trial.
I've read this verse more times than I can count, I memorized it, I have reminded myself of the truth in it, but I have often questioned it. These last few months have carried some heavy things for me and not just things that are happening to me, but things that are happening to those I know- friends losing their spouses way too early, friends going through miscarriage, friends losing their children to terrible diseases, dear friends getting a diagnosis that doesn't have a good prognosis, friends getting the news that their desire to start or grow their family just may not happen and the list goes on. That's my friends. I've had my own things going on too-we are up to 21 no's in the adoption process (see my last post for how I feel about that). It's been heavy y'all.
And then there's this verse-God works all things for the good. All things? Really? To be honest, it just doesn't seem like it. How are those things good? This time around though I realized something that I had never really thought about before. God's definition of good and my definition of good are not always the same. He's not saying here that all things are good, but that all things work for the good. And what is His definition of good? His definition of good is me becoming more like Jesus. At the end of all these bad things, if I am more like Him then that's a good thing. God does not delight in seeing me or anyone else suffer in this world, but He does delight in me becoming more like Him. And that's good. My definition of good is often circumstantial- no cancer, no disease, getting to have a baby when you want one, etc. God's definition of good is about my character- more holiness, more righteousness, more like Jesus. I had never made that connection before. I think I always thought of it as at the end of bad circumstances there will be some good circumstance to come of it, but that's not what it's saying. That obviously can happen- I think about our infertility and how if that had never happened we wouldn't have our two precious children, so yes, good things happen out of hard circumstances, but that's not the totality of what this verse is saying. What it's saying is that the most precious thing to be gained is to be more like Jesus.
The question now becomes do I want what God wants more than I want what I want? Am I more interested in getting the good circumstances or do I want to be more like Jesus? Am I ok with being like Jesus being the good thing? Hard questions, but necessary.
I'm not naive enough to think that everyone reading this is a Christ follower or believes the Bible is true. If that's you, let me say this-I know that this may not make sense to you. I didn't become a Christian until I was 19 so I would have thought this was crazy talk if I would have heard it before then. My challenge to you would be to read the book of John and see who Jesus really is because I think our society has made it really hard to know who He really is, so I ask you to find out for yourself. I'd love to talk to you more about it if you do decide to find out who He really is.
I can see in my life how difficult times have grown me and grown my faith and made me more like Jesus. And for that I am thankful, even when the hard stuff continues to be hard.
I've read this verse more times than I can count, I memorized it, I have reminded myself of the truth in it, but I have often questioned it. These last few months have carried some heavy things for me and not just things that are happening to me, but things that are happening to those I know- friends losing their spouses way too early, friends going through miscarriage, friends losing their children to terrible diseases, dear friends getting a diagnosis that doesn't have a good prognosis, friends getting the news that their desire to start or grow their family just may not happen and the list goes on. That's my friends. I've had my own things going on too-we are up to 21 no's in the adoption process (see my last post for how I feel about that). It's been heavy y'all.
And then there's this verse-God works all things for the good. All things? Really? To be honest, it just doesn't seem like it. How are those things good? This time around though I realized something that I had never really thought about before. God's definition of good and my definition of good are not always the same. He's not saying here that all things are good, but that all things work for the good. And what is His definition of good? His definition of good is me becoming more like Jesus. At the end of all these bad things, if I am more like Him then that's a good thing. God does not delight in seeing me or anyone else suffer in this world, but He does delight in me becoming more like Him. And that's good. My definition of good is often circumstantial- no cancer, no disease, getting to have a baby when you want one, etc. God's definition of good is about my character- more holiness, more righteousness, more like Jesus. I had never made that connection before. I think I always thought of it as at the end of bad circumstances there will be some good circumstance to come of it, but that's not what it's saying. That obviously can happen- I think about our infertility and how if that had never happened we wouldn't have our two precious children, so yes, good things happen out of hard circumstances, but that's not the totality of what this verse is saying. What it's saying is that the most precious thing to be gained is to be more like Jesus.
The question now becomes do I want what God wants more than I want what I want? Am I more interested in getting the good circumstances or do I want to be more like Jesus? Am I ok with being like Jesus being the good thing? Hard questions, but necessary.
I'm not naive enough to think that everyone reading this is a Christ follower or believes the Bible is true. If that's you, let me say this-I know that this may not make sense to you. I didn't become a Christian until I was 19 so I would have thought this was crazy talk if I would have heard it before then. My challenge to you would be to read the book of John and see who Jesus really is because I think our society has made it really hard to know who He really is, so I ask you to find out for yourself. I'd love to talk to you more about it if you do decide to find out who He really is.
I can see in my life how difficult times have grown me and grown my faith and made me more like Jesus. And for that I am thankful, even when the hard stuff continues to be hard.
Friday, May 11, 2018
When Mother's Day is Sad
Every year I repost a blog I did a few years ago about Mother’s Day, but this year I decided to write a different one.
Mother’s Day is a wonderful holiday and for sure needs to be celebrated. Let’s face it being a mom is hard work. Just this past week Heath was out of town so I was solo parenting. Let me just pause there and give a huge shout out to single moms, moms whose husbands are in the military and any other situation where you find yourself solo mom-ing it. You're a rock star. Anyway Heath was out of town and one night I put my kids to bed at 6:25 because I just couldn’t do it for one more second. So yeah, it’s hard work. It’s also one of the greatest joys of my life. I love these kids so so so much. I want to be celebrated as a mom!
At the same time Mother’s Day is really sad for me and I know it's sad for others.
When I was 15 my mom passed away from a battle with cancer. Words cannot express how badly I wish she were here to celebrate, to be celebrated by her grandkids. I was just thinking the other day how much she would love them! So even though I will be celebrating this weekend, there will also be a bit of sadness that comes along with it.
I have a few friends who have lost their moms this past year and I have been thinking all week how hard it is going to be for them. This Mother’s Day will be sad for them.
Another way it’s sad is that even though I’m already a mother I still have the desire to have more kids and that is just not my reality right now and I’m not sure if it ever will be my reality. I’m unbelievably thankful for the children the Lord has provided for us, but there’s still the hope for more that just isn’t fulfilled yet and that makes me sad.
There are SO many women around me who are struggling with infertility or who have experienced the pain of a miscarriage. Mother’s Day is sad for them and it makes me sad for them too. It’s not a pity for them, just a sadness knowing that either they so desperately want to be a mom and can’t be or they thought that through this holiday there would be another child-either pregnant, having the child already or bringing one home through adoption. Those women will be sad on Sunday.
For others, there is an estranged relationship with their mom. Mother’s Day is a day that brings sadness because the relationship they want just is never going to be a reality. Maybe the day brings up bitterness and anger instead of joy and celebration.
I say all this to say, this Mother’s Day as you celebrate the mother’s in life or are celebrated yourself, be aware that for some people Mother’s Day is a sad day. For me, it’s a mixture of emotions and for many others it probably is too. My advice would be to know there are women around you in each of these categories and that are sad-look for opportunities to love on those women around you who may be sad on Mother’s Day.
Mother’s Day is a wonderful holiday and for sure needs to be celebrated. Let’s face it being a mom is hard work. Just this past week Heath was out of town so I was solo parenting. Let me just pause there and give a huge shout out to single moms, moms whose husbands are in the military and any other situation where you find yourself solo mom-ing it. You're a rock star. Anyway Heath was out of town and one night I put my kids to bed at 6:25 because I just couldn’t do it for one more second. So yeah, it’s hard work. It’s also one of the greatest joys of my life. I love these kids so so so much. I want to be celebrated as a mom!
At the same time Mother’s Day is really sad for me and I know it's sad for others.
When I was 15 my mom passed away from a battle with cancer. Words cannot express how badly I wish she were here to celebrate, to be celebrated by her grandkids. I was just thinking the other day how much she would love them! So even though I will be celebrating this weekend, there will also be a bit of sadness that comes along with it.
I have a few friends who have lost their moms this past year and I have been thinking all week how hard it is going to be for them. This Mother’s Day will be sad for them.
Another way it’s sad is that even though I’m already a mother I still have the desire to have more kids and that is just not my reality right now and I’m not sure if it ever will be my reality. I’m unbelievably thankful for the children the Lord has provided for us, but there’s still the hope for more that just isn’t fulfilled yet and that makes me sad.
There are SO many women around me who are struggling with infertility or who have experienced the pain of a miscarriage. Mother’s Day is sad for them and it makes me sad for them too. It’s not a pity for them, just a sadness knowing that either they so desperately want to be a mom and can’t be or they thought that through this holiday there would be another child-either pregnant, having the child already or bringing one home through adoption. Those women will be sad on Sunday.
For others, there is an estranged relationship with their mom. Mother’s Day is a day that brings sadness because the relationship they want just is never going to be a reality. Maybe the day brings up bitterness and anger instead of joy and celebration.
I say all this to say, this Mother’s Day as you celebrate the mother’s in life or are celebrated yourself, be aware that for some people Mother’s Day is a sad day. For me, it’s a mixture of emotions and for many others it probably is too. My advice would be to know there are women around you in each of these categories and that are sad-look for opportunities to love on those women around you who may be sad on Mother’s Day.
Saturday, April 14, 2018
Adoption Round 3
It has been a L-O-N-G time since I have posted on here. Some of it is because I have a 5 and 4 year old and life is busy. Most of it is because I just haven't known what to say.
I realized a few months ago that a lot of people don't even know we are in the process of adopting again. I realize I have only made one post about it so let me get everyone on the same page. When Kaleigh was 18 months old we decided to start the adoption process again. We quickly got chosen for twin boys however on the day they were born their mom changed her mind and we were heartbroken. We continued again in the adoption process and waited and waited and waited some more. In November of 2016 God gave us the gift of fostering to adopt through a set of crazy (totally from God) circumstances. There is a blog post about it if you want to read that story here
http://heathandmaryleslie.blogspot.com/2016/12/when-god-writes-your-story.html. Because of that, our newborn adoption got put on hold. In May of 2017 we officially adopted Brayden. In August of 2017 we decided to change adoption agencies and go back to working with Christian Adoption Consultants (who we used when we adopted Kaleigh). And that brings us to today.
This third adoption has been a lot different for us. For one, we have 2 kids that keep us busy so we are not dwelling on adoption 100% of the time-it's more like 95%. But seriously, when we didn't have any kids and never knew if we would have any kids, that is pretty much the only thing I thought about. Now, my mind is more divided because I'm focusing on raising tiny humans. Another way that it's different is that we went through the failed adoption with the twins so the fear of that is always lingering close to the surface. With our first, and even in some ways our second (until the moment we weren't), we were blissfully naive as to the deep deep hurt and pain and grief of a failed adoption. Now we know. And now we are terrified of it happening again.
In domestic adoption you do what's called "presenting" which means the adoption agency shows your profile book (think a Shutterfly book telling about your whole life in 20 pages) to an expectant mother and then you get a yes or no. If it's a yes that's called matched and you wait until baby is born and then that's called placement. Adoption is a whole new world if you didn't know and it has a whole new language that you have to learn!
During this third adoption we have had our book presented 18 times and we have gotten 18 no's. That's not a typo...18 times. You probably have no words, neither do I.
Okay maybe I have a few. It has been super hard. SUPER HARD. A lot of my friends often ask me how I am doing and after this last time, my response was "I'm over it." I'm not bitter and I'm not mad, I'm just over it. I was talking to a friend last night who just adopted and we were talking about the cost of adoption. And I'm not just talking financially-which is unbelievable in and of itself. But I was talking with her more about the cost on your emotions and on your marriage (don't worry Heath and I are fine) and on your family and on your mind and on your thought life and.....you get the point. The cost is much much more than a financial cost. And don't hear me say it's not worth it, it is, but it comes at a steep cost. So I'm over it. Now that doesn't mean we aren't going to pursue adoption anymore, I'm just over it-does that make sense? Probably not.
One thing recently that I have been wrestling with is this: is God saying no? Is he saying that's it for you. You have 2 beautiful, wonderful, amazing children and that's all I want for you. Or is He just saying wait? I don't know the answer to that.
So what's that mean for now. It means we will keep having our profile book presented, keep "putting our yes" on the table and wait and see what the Lord does. We have decided that in August (after a year) if we still have not been matched, we will reevaluate and see if we want to continue on or not.
In all of this, I know God is with us. I know He is for us and has good, good plans for us. I know He is sovereign and faithful to us. I know He can see way more than I can see. I know He knows what is the very best for me, Heath, our kids and every child that is born. I know all of these things. However, I feel like I'm living the verse "I believe, but help my unbelief"(Mark 9:24). I believe those things are true but I often don't believe so I'm asking God to help me believe. And I know He can.
Things to be praying for us:
1. That we would believe God and His character.
2. That we would patiently wait and trust His timing in this.
3. That God would provide a baby for us.
I realized a few months ago that a lot of people don't even know we are in the process of adopting again. I realize I have only made one post about it so let me get everyone on the same page. When Kaleigh was 18 months old we decided to start the adoption process again. We quickly got chosen for twin boys however on the day they were born their mom changed her mind and we were heartbroken. We continued again in the adoption process and waited and waited and waited some more. In November of 2016 God gave us the gift of fostering to adopt through a set of crazy (totally from God) circumstances. There is a blog post about it if you want to read that story here
http://heathandmaryleslie.blogspot.com/2016/12/when-god-writes-your-story.html. Because of that, our newborn adoption got put on hold. In May of 2017 we officially adopted Brayden. In August of 2017 we decided to change adoption agencies and go back to working with Christian Adoption Consultants (who we used when we adopted Kaleigh). And that brings us to today.
This third adoption has been a lot different for us. For one, we have 2 kids that keep us busy so we are not dwelling on adoption 100% of the time-it's more like 95%. But seriously, when we didn't have any kids and never knew if we would have any kids, that is pretty much the only thing I thought about. Now, my mind is more divided because I'm focusing on raising tiny humans. Another way that it's different is that we went through the failed adoption with the twins so the fear of that is always lingering close to the surface. With our first, and even in some ways our second (until the moment we weren't), we were blissfully naive as to the deep deep hurt and pain and grief of a failed adoption. Now we know. And now we are terrified of it happening again.
In domestic adoption you do what's called "presenting" which means the adoption agency shows your profile book (think a Shutterfly book telling about your whole life in 20 pages) to an expectant mother and then you get a yes or no. If it's a yes that's called matched and you wait until baby is born and then that's called placement. Adoption is a whole new world if you didn't know and it has a whole new language that you have to learn!
During this third adoption we have had our book presented 18 times and we have gotten 18 no's. That's not a typo...18 times. You probably have no words, neither do I.
Okay maybe I have a few. It has been super hard. SUPER HARD. A lot of my friends often ask me how I am doing and after this last time, my response was "I'm over it." I'm not bitter and I'm not mad, I'm just over it. I was talking to a friend last night who just adopted and we were talking about the cost of adoption. And I'm not just talking financially-which is unbelievable in and of itself. But I was talking with her more about the cost on your emotions and on your marriage (don't worry Heath and I are fine) and on your family and on your mind and on your thought life and.....you get the point. The cost is much much more than a financial cost. And don't hear me say it's not worth it, it is, but it comes at a steep cost. So I'm over it. Now that doesn't mean we aren't going to pursue adoption anymore, I'm just over it-does that make sense? Probably not.
One thing recently that I have been wrestling with is this: is God saying no? Is he saying that's it for you. You have 2 beautiful, wonderful, amazing children and that's all I want for you. Or is He just saying wait? I don't know the answer to that.
So what's that mean for now. It means we will keep having our profile book presented, keep "putting our yes" on the table and wait and see what the Lord does. We have decided that in August (after a year) if we still have not been matched, we will reevaluate and see if we want to continue on or not.
In all of this, I know God is with us. I know He is for us and has good, good plans for us. I know He is sovereign and faithful to us. I know He can see way more than I can see. I know He knows what is the very best for me, Heath, our kids and every child that is born. I know all of these things. However, I feel like I'm living the verse "I believe, but help my unbelief"(Mark 9:24). I believe those things are true but I often don't believe so I'm asking God to help me believe. And I know He can.
Things to be praying for us:
1. That we would believe God and His character.
2. That we would patiently wait and trust His timing in this.
3. That God would provide a baby for us.
Monday, August 14, 2017
Racine Family Update!
As of May16th, 2017 we officially welcomed a new member of the Racine family! We made official what had been true in our hearts for a long time and adopted Brayden. He is such a joy to us and we are so thankful that God allowed us be his parents. He loves playing outside, loves to cuddle and is constantly telling us thank you for everything. Kaleigh and Brayden love each other so much! They hold hands all the time and love to give each other hugs. It is so obvious to us that this is what God has for us and that this is the beautiful journey He had for us all along.
One thing I told Heath as we said "yes" to fostering and adopting Brayden is that I still had a desire to have another baby in our home. We weren't sure what that would look like as far as timing with starting another adoption. To be honest, the thought of starting the adoption process again was exhausting. For the last 7 years we have either been trying to get pregnant, going through infertility or in the adoption process. 7 YEARS. That's a long time. And the adoption process is exhausting. It's mounds of paperwork, constantly wondering when you are going to get chosen (emotionally exhausting), tons of prayer and trying to trust God with the process (notice I said trying, I'm not very good at the whole trusting God part!) and so many other things that I can't even begin to explain. It's totally worth it, but it is HARD.
As we have talked about it more and prayed and prayed and prayed some more, we feel like now is the time to start the process again. So, as of today all of our applications and profile books have been mailed off and we will become active again.
One big change is that we have changed agencies. We were working with an agency here in Indiana for nearly two years. During those two years we had a lot of issues with the agency and as much as we tried to resolve the issues it just became clear that we should no longer work with them. So now we are back with Christian Adoption Consultants (we used them when we adopted Kaleigh). It was definitely a step of faith for us to make that decision as it is more expensive and there will be travel involved as most of the adoptions they facilitate don't happen in Indiana, but as we spent months praying about it we have had so much peace to take this step.
So what that looks like practically is we have several agencies that now have our profile book. When they have a birth mom, they will contact us and we will choose whether or not to have our profile book (think Shutterfly photo book describing our family) shown to that birth mom. Then the ball is in the birth mom's court. So here's a few things you can pray for:
1. Our hearts will trust God with what He has for us and that we will be patient as we wait on Him.
2. For the opportunity to have our profile book shown to birth moms.
3. That a birth mom will choose us to be the parents of her precious child.
It's crazy to think we are starting this process AGAIN, but we feel so confident this is what the Lord has for us. Kaleigh wants a girl and Brayden wants a boy so they have been praying for two babies (the noise you just heard was Heath passing out from the mere thought of that!). The kids are excited and have been telling everyone we are adopting a baby. We are excited to see what the Lord is going to do and how He is going to grow our family! It's just another step on this beautiful journey!
One thing I told Heath as we said "yes" to fostering and adopting Brayden is that I still had a desire to have another baby in our home. We weren't sure what that would look like as far as timing with starting another adoption. To be honest, the thought of starting the adoption process again was exhausting. For the last 7 years we have either been trying to get pregnant, going through infertility or in the adoption process. 7 YEARS. That's a long time. And the adoption process is exhausting. It's mounds of paperwork, constantly wondering when you are going to get chosen (emotionally exhausting), tons of prayer and trying to trust God with the process (notice I said trying, I'm not very good at the whole trusting God part!) and so many other things that I can't even begin to explain. It's totally worth it, but it is HARD.
As we have talked about it more and prayed and prayed and prayed some more, we feel like now is the time to start the process again. So, as of today all of our applications and profile books have been mailed off and we will become active again.
One big change is that we have changed agencies. We were working with an agency here in Indiana for nearly two years. During those two years we had a lot of issues with the agency and as much as we tried to resolve the issues it just became clear that we should no longer work with them. So now we are back with Christian Adoption Consultants (we used them when we adopted Kaleigh). It was definitely a step of faith for us to make that decision as it is more expensive and there will be travel involved as most of the adoptions they facilitate don't happen in Indiana, but as we spent months praying about it we have had so much peace to take this step.
So what that looks like practically is we have several agencies that now have our profile book. When they have a birth mom, they will contact us and we will choose whether or not to have our profile book (think Shutterfly photo book describing our family) shown to that birth mom. Then the ball is in the birth mom's court. So here's a few things you can pray for:
1. Our hearts will trust God with what He has for us and that we will be patient as we wait on Him.
2. For the opportunity to have our profile book shown to birth moms.
3. That a birth mom will choose us to be the parents of her precious child.
It's crazy to think we are starting this process AGAIN, but we feel so confident this is what the Lord has for us. Kaleigh wants a girl and Brayden wants a boy so they have been praying for two babies (the noise you just heard was Heath passing out from the mere thought of that!). The kids are excited and have been telling everyone we are adopting a baby. We are excited to see what the Lord is going to do and how He is going to grow our family! It's just another step on this beautiful journey!
Monday, December 5, 2016
When God Writes Your Story
I want you to know that I what I am about to share is without a doubt God writing our story.
As you know, we have been in the domestic adoption process for almost 2 years. To be honest it has been unbelievably discouraging. First we experienced the failed adoption of the twins which was more devastating to us than I could ever put into words. Then we have just been waiting, and waiting and waiting some more.
About this time last year, some of our dear friends began being foster parents. The first placement they had was with two young girls. Days after they returned them to their mom, they got a placement of a little boy. To see them walk through this process of being foster parents was encouraging in that they were stepping into a lot of unknowns and just telling God yes. It challenged us in our own lives to see them give up daily comfort and ease to care for these children that showed up to them with so little and to love them even when it was hard.We have always talked about foster care. In fact, as we have talked about whether or not we want to have a third, we have talked about going through foster care. But to talk to about it and to see if lived out are two different things.
Almost as soon as our friends got their second placement of the little boy, they were told he was adoptable. Through various circumstances, they were not going to be able to adopt him and asked us if we would consider pursuing adopting him. On a practical level that looked like going to foster parent training, filling out tons more paperwork, getting another home study done and tons of other little things. We prayed a lot and talked to several people to get their opinion on what we should do.
To a lot of people it seems like a no brainer. He's a 2 year old little boy who needed a home and we are wanting to adopt. But to me, it wasn't a no brainer. I had my heart set on a baby. It felt like I was totally shifting gears. I knew there were going to be different challenges then if we got a newborn (which has it's own challenges). At the end of the day, I kept coming back to James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." The reality is, you can live that verse out in a thousand different ways. But for us, in this situation, we knew that it meant saying yes to this sweet boy.
So at the beginning of November, once all of our paperwork and home study were done, we welcomed this little boy into our home. We will begin the adoption process as soon as we have permission to do that (we have to have court approval to start and we will find out at the end of January when we will be allowed to start the process). To be honest, after what happened with the twins I feel super hesitant to let my heart "go there," but just like we did with the twins, we will trust God and pray this little boy will officially be our son soon.
He has adjusted well and we are all learning how to operate as a family of 4. He is a sweet blessing to us from the Lord and we are so thankful to Him. There are so many details that I don't have time to share that leave no room to doubt that this was God working this out on our behalf. It was God writing the story of our family and we are forever grateful.
*At this time, we will not be sharing his name or picture. Thanks for understanding!
As you know, we have been in the domestic adoption process for almost 2 years. To be honest it has been unbelievably discouraging. First we experienced the failed adoption of the twins which was more devastating to us than I could ever put into words. Then we have just been waiting, and waiting and waiting some more.
About this time last year, some of our dear friends began being foster parents. The first placement they had was with two young girls. Days after they returned them to their mom, they got a placement of a little boy. To see them walk through this process of being foster parents was encouraging in that they were stepping into a lot of unknowns and just telling God yes. It challenged us in our own lives to see them give up daily comfort and ease to care for these children that showed up to them with so little and to love them even when it was hard.We have always talked about foster care. In fact, as we have talked about whether or not we want to have a third, we have talked about going through foster care. But to talk to about it and to see if lived out are two different things.
Almost as soon as our friends got their second placement of the little boy, they were told he was adoptable. Through various circumstances, they were not going to be able to adopt him and asked us if we would consider pursuing adopting him. On a practical level that looked like going to foster parent training, filling out tons more paperwork, getting another home study done and tons of other little things. We prayed a lot and talked to several people to get their opinion on what we should do.
To a lot of people it seems like a no brainer. He's a 2 year old little boy who needed a home and we are wanting to adopt. But to me, it wasn't a no brainer. I had my heart set on a baby. It felt like I was totally shifting gears. I knew there were going to be different challenges then if we got a newborn (which has it's own challenges). At the end of the day, I kept coming back to James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." The reality is, you can live that verse out in a thousand different ways. But for us, in this situation, we knew that it meant saying yes to this sweet boy.
So at the beginning of November, once all of our paperwork and home study were done, we welcomed this little boy into our home. We will begin the adoption process as soon as we have permission to do that (we have to have court approval to start and we will find out at the end of January when we will be allowed to start the process). To be honest, after what happened with the twins I feel super hesitant to let my heart "go there," but just like we did with the twins, we will trust God and pray this little boy will officially be our son soon.
He has adjusted well and we are all learning how to operate as a family of 4. He is a sweet blessing to us from the Lord and we are so thankful to Him. There are so many details that I don't have time to share that leave no room to doubt that this was God working this out on our behalf. It was God writing the story of our family and we are forever grateful.
*At this time, we will not be sharing his name or picture. Thanks for understanding!
Friday, September 16, 2016
Just For Today
It's been a while since I updated. As usual, there is nothing much to update. We are still waiting to get matched with a birth mother. As usual, the waiting is hard. And as usual, the Lord is sustaining us.
This summer I went to The Gospel Coalition Women's Conference. It was so so good. The talks I heard were challenging and helped grow my view of God. While I was there, I heard about a talk given entitled "Walking by Faith When Dreams are Delayed" by Betsy Childs Howard. When I heard the title, I knew I had to hear it. As soon as the talks were posted to the website, I listened to the talk. It was so so good! There were several things that stuck out to me, but I wanted to share one of them with you.
She talked about how God's mercy is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). She talks about how God gives us the grace and mercy we need to face THAT DAY. She reminded us that we don't have to trust God with what's going to happen 5 years from now, we just have to be able to trust Him for the next 24 hours. She challenged us to ask ourselves "Can I live without _____________ for the next 24 hours?" If the answer is yes, then you can get through the long haul.
This was so so good for me because I get stuck in trying to play out my life and try to figure out what my life is going to look like and it can bring me anxiety. I often feel stuck in this adoption and feel like it is never going to end, so if I can just trust God with today then I don't feel as stuck. I just have to be able to get through today and trust what He has for me today. Most days, by His grace, I can do that. (notice I said most days!)
So this isn't much of an update, but just wanted to share something I felt like God has been working on my heart and how He's teaching me to trust Him.
This summer I went to The Gospel Coalition Women's Conference. It was so so good. The talks I heard were challenging and helped grow my view of God. While I was there, I heard about a talk given entitled "Walking by Faith When Dreams are Delayed" by Betsy Childs Howard. When I heard the title, I knew I had to hear it. As soon as the talks were posted to the website, I listened to the talk. It was so so good! There were several things that stuck out to me, but I wanted to share one of them with you.
She talked about how God's mercy is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). She talks about how God gives us the grace and mercy we need to face THAT DAY. She reminded us that we don't have to trust God with what's going to happen 5 years from now, we just have to be able to trust Him for the next 24 hours. She challenged us to ask ourselves "Can I live without _____________ for the next 24 hours?" If the answer is yes, then you can get through the long haul.
This was so so good for me because I get stuck in trying to play out my life and try to figure out what my life is going to look like and it can bring me anxiety. I often feel stuck in this adoption and feel like it is never going to end, so if I can just trust God with today then I don't feel as stuck. I just have to be able to get through today and trust what He has for me today. Most days, by His grace, I can do that. (notice I said most days!)
So this isn't much of an update, but just wanted to share something I felt like God has been working on my heart and how He's teaching me to trust Him.
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