Well we are in full swing here at the Racine house. We've got lots of diapers, lots of wipes, lots of Enfamil, lots of bottles, etc. One thing we don't have is lots of sleep-ha! To be honest, Kaleigh is a really good baby and hardly ever cries. She is a great eater-she's gained 2 pounds since birth! She sleeps great for the most part and is overall just really content.
However, when the clock strikes 2:45 a.m. and it's time to get up and feed her, there is always a part of me that just wants to lay there and keep sleeping. I mean, we've all been there right? But here is what I have been thinking about a lot in the last few weeks. I am grateful that I get to get up at 2:45 a.m. because that means God has answered our prayers for a child. It means our baby girl is healthy. It means she is growing.
I see though in my heart how I can be like the Israelites from the Old Testament. They continually asked God to deliver them from the Egyptians. He did it, He answered their prayers. He even split the Red Sea to show His power. And what did they do the whole time? They complained. Seriously? God answered your prayers and you complain about it?
Then I remember 2:45 a.m. I prayed for this (maybe not specifically to get up at 2:45!!ha). But I prayed for a child and God provided for us. Why would I now then complain about that very thing? But I do it in my heart. I am like the Israelites.
I want to chose gratefulness. I don't want to complain about her. Honestly, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people complain about their kids on Facebook, especially if I know they have had a hard time getting pregnant. But I see the tendency in my heart. I see how I want to complain about having to feed her again or change her diaper or if she doesn't sleep well. I know that I will complain about her. Even if it's not out loud I will do it in my heart. But I am really asking God to help me choose gratefulness.
The funny thing is, I thought on Sunday that I wanted to write about this and that night was one of her worst nights and Monday was one of her worst days. Ha! I saw how easily I complained in my heart. But I think the victory was that in the midst of my complaining I was asking God to help me be grateful. I didn't do it perfectly (and I never will), but I saw how at times when I knew I would normally complain, I spent time praying, thanking God for this sweet gift. I pray God will continue to give me grace to chose gratefulness.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Kaleigh Anna Racine
Kaleigh was born on Wednesday, January 9th at 4:46 p.m. She was 7lb. 13oz. and 20in. long. To say that we love her is a huge understatement. We cannot imagine our life without her. We want to share our story of our time down in Florida. To be honest, before we started the adoption process we had so many fears about adoption, but this experience has far exceeded anything we could have ever hoped for. We have been told by many that this is not a normal scenario, so we feel so blessed to have this be our story.
We got a call on Monday the 7th around noon that our birth mother (M) was going to be induced on Tuesday night and that they'd break her water on Wednesday morning. We immediately started packing the car and making plans to head that way. That afternoon we drove to TN to spend the night with my parents in order to give us a jump start on our trip. Very early on Tuesday morning we started towards FL. Our birth mom was going to be admitted around 8 p.m. so we had plenty of time to get there.
When we first got to Florida we met up with a woman who had worked hard to get us a condo for a good price. She is the aunt of a friend of ours and she was so helpful. We met up with her to get the keys to the condo and the info we needed for the condo. We then met up with M and her mom for dinner. We had been talking to M every week so we felt like we knew her, but this was the first time we met her in person. It was so great to finally meet her and also have the opportunity to meet her mom. They are some of the sweetest people we've ever met.
We then went to the hospital so M could get checked in. We went back and saw her for a few minutes and then decided to leave for the evening to get some sleep. Since our condo was about 20 minutes away we decided to stay at my friend Meagan's house (her and her husband went to Murray State while I was on staff with CO and were involved with CO and also we went to church together-they were a huge blessing to us in so many ways).
The next morning we went to the hospital. As we set ourselves up in the waiting room-Diet Coke, Netflix, the works!-we texted M's mom (who was there with her) to let her know we were there and told them that if they needed anything to let us know. They said there was no sense in us sitting in the waiting room and that we should come back to the room with them. It was so nice to just be able to sit with them and get to know them. We felt like we learned so much about them that we can one day tell Kaleigh. What was really crazy is how much M and I had in common-we both HATE when people touch our feet, we don't like any of our food on our plate to touch, etc. I thought it was neat how God did that. We also got to meet M's dad. He is so great too! The thing that really stood out to us about this family is how much they love and care for each other.
At about 4:15 p.m. the doctor came in and said she was stuck at about 8.5 cm and that if she didn't progress in the next 2 hours he would have to do a c-section. He told M to let him know when she was done. She immediately said she was done. She didn't want to have a c-section (therefore we didn't want her to have one) because she wanted to be able to go back to work sooner, but she took it like a champ. They told us it would be about an hour long procedure. They took her back around 4:30
At this hospital, every time a baby is born they play a song over the intercom. At 4:46 we heard the song and I said "Aw someone else had their baby!!" About 5 minutes later a nurse wheeled around the corner and stopped in front of the room we were sitting in. We jumped up and started bawling as soon as we laid eyes on her. This was the answer to so many prayers. This was the end of our journey through infertility. This was what we had dreamed of. This was our little girl.
They immediately had to take her to the nursery to check her out, get her warm, give her a bath, check her vitals, etc. We got to go in there with her and talk to her and touch her and cry over her. It's hard to sum up the emotions that we felt.
We weren't sure what it would look like from there-would M want to see her when she got out of recovery? Would she just want us to stay in the nursery with her (they had a little room we could sit in)? Would M or her family want some time by herself with her? What was to unfold was beyond what either of us could have imagined.
We got a text from M's mom telling us that they were back in the room and that we could come and bring the baby whenever we got finished up in the nursery. By this point, we had gotten to know them all so well it seemed so natural to go in there. I won't go into all the details but over the next few days that M was in the hospital we spent everyday from about 9 a.m-11 p.m. in her room with her and her family. We got to see them hold Kaleigh, kiss her, tell her they love her and then encourage us that we were going to be great parents. We are so thankful that we got to see that because it shows us (and one day will show Kaleigh) how much they love her. We also got to know them so we have things to tell Kaleigh about her birth family. They even gave her gifts! This family is so sweet-words just can't explain it. I really feel like this blog post absolutely does not do it justice and I don't know how to do it justice. M and her family are people we are very thankful for and highly respect.
As we got discharged on Saturday morning the time was coming to say goodbye. At this point we had invited M and her family to come do pictures with us that Tuesday (thanks to Meagan) so we knew it wasn't a forever goodbye, but just more of a see you soon. But what do you say to a woman and her family who just gave you the greatest gift, the thing you have longed for? How do you put your gratitude into words? We told M "the words thank you don't do it justice, but thank you." As M and her dad got in their car and as we got in ours there were hugs and tears and so much gratitude. They were even thanking us for loving Kaleigh so much. I mean, seriously? At the hospital and in days since through text, they have constantly encouraged us in our parenting and have sent their love to Kaleigh.
On that next Tuesday we did get pictures taken and we will forever treasure those and can't wait for Kaleigh to see all of us together loving her. M's mom texted me the other day and said "to us, you're family." We feel the same way. We are a new family, us and them. It seems crazy that we have only known them a little over 2 weeks, it seems like much longer. In the beginning of this process Heath and I did not want an open adoption at all, but after day 1 we told them if they ever want to see us and Kaleigh in the future to let us know and we could work something out. They tell us this is not a "normal" situation, but this is our normal and we are so very thankful.
On that Friday morning we left FL and headed to TN. We spent a couple of nights there and then headed on back to IN. We have been home almost a week and we still feel like we are dreaming. Some times I look down at Kaleigh and think "she is really my daughter." After praying for this for so long, it is so sweet to see God's specific answer to our prayers for children. I am so thankful God called us to adoption because if not, we would not have our Kaleigh and we would not have had the privilege to meet M and her family. God has been so gracious to us and has been so kind. We have spent lots of time praising Him and asking for His grace as we raise sweet Kaleigh. This has been such a fun part of our beautiful journey!
We got a call on Monday the 7th around noon that our birth mother (M) was going to be induced on Tuesday night and that they'd break her water on Wednesday morning. We immediately started packing the car and making plans to head that way. That afternoon we drove to TN to spend the night with my parents in order to give us a jump start on our trip. Very early on Tuesday morning we started towards FL. Our birth mom was going to be admitted around 8 p.m. so we had plenty of time to get there.
When we first got to Florida we met up with a woman who had worked hard to get us a condo for a good price. She is the aunt of a friend of ours and she was so helpful. We met up with her to get the keys to the condo and the info we needed for the condo. We then met up with M and her mom for dinner. We had been talking to M every week so we felt like we knew her, but this was the first time we met her in person. It was so great to finally meet her and also have the opportunity to meet her mom. They are some of the sweetest people we've ever met.
We then went to the hospital so M could get checked in. We went back and saw her for a few minutes and then decided to leave for the evening to get some sleep. Since our condo was about 20 minutes away we decided to stay at my friend Meagan's house (her and her husband went to Murray State while I was on staff with CO and were involved with CO and also we went to church together-they were a huge blessing to us in so many ways).
The next morning we went to the hospital. As we set ourselves up in the waiting room-Diet Coke, Netflix, the works!-we texted M's mom (who was there with her) to let her know we were there and told them that if they needed anything to let us know. They said there was no sense in us sitting in the waiting room and that we should come back to the room with them. It was so nice to just be able to sit with them and get to know them. We felt like we learned so much about them that we can one day tell Kaleigh. What was really crazy is how much M and I had in common-we both HATE when people touch our feet, we don't like any of our food on our plate to touch, etc. I thought it was neat how God did that. We also got to meet M's dad. He is so great too! The thing that really stood out to us about this family is how much they love and care for each other.
At about 4:15 p.m. the doctor came in and said she was stuck at about 8.5 cm and that if she didn't progress in the next 2 hours he would have to do a c-section. He told M to let him know when she was done. She immediately said she was done. She didn't want to have a c-section (therefore we didn't want her to have one) because she wanted to be able to go back to work sooner, but she took it like a champ. They told us it would be about an hour long procedure. They took her back around 4:30
At this hospital, every time a baby is born they play a song over the intercom. At 4:46 we heard the song and I said "Aw someone else had their baby!!" About 5 minutes later a nurse wheeled around the corner and stopped in front of the room we were sitting in. We jumped up and started bawling as soon as we laid eyes on her. This was the answer to so many prayers. This was the end of our journey through infertility. This was what we had dreamed of. This was our little girl.
They immediately had to take her to the nursery to check her out, get her warm, give her a bath, check her vitals, etc. We got to go in there with her and talk to her and touch her and cry over her. It's hard to sum up the emotions that we felt.
We weren't sure what it would look like from there-would M want to see her when she got out of recovery? Would she just want us to stay in the nursery with her (they had a little room we could sit in)? Would M or her family want some time by herself with her? What was to unfold was beyond what either of us could have imagined.
We got a text from M's mom telling us that they were back in the room and that we could come and bring the baby whenever we got finished up in the nursery. By this point, we had gotten to know them all so well it seemed so natural to go in there. I won't go into all the details but over the next few days that M was in the hospital we spent everyday from about 9 a.m-11 p.m. in her room with her and her family. We got to see them hold Kaleigh, kiss her, tell her they love her and then encourage us that we were going to be great parents. We are so thankful that we got to see that because it shows us (and one day will show Kaleigh) how much they love her. We also got to know them so we have things to tell Kaleigh about her birth family. They even gave her gifts! This family is so sweet-words just can't explain it. I really feel like this blog post absolutely does not do it justice and I don't know how to do it justice. M and her family are people we are very thankful for and highly respect.
As we got discharged on Saturday morning the time was coming to say goodbye. At this point we had invited M and her family to come do pictures with us that Tuesday (thanks to Meagan) so we knew it wasn't a forever goodbye, but just more of a see you soon. But what do you say to a woman and her family who just gave you the greatest gift, the thing you have longed for? How do you put your gratitude into words? We told M "the words thank you don't do it justice, but thank you." As M and her dad got in their car and as we got in ours there were hugs and tears and so much gratitude. They were even thanking us for loving Kaleigh so much. I mean, seriously? At the hospital and in days since through text, they have constantly encouraged us in our parenting and have sent their love to Kaleigh.
On that next Tuesday we did get pictures taken and we will forever treasure those and can't wait for Kaleigh to see all of us together loving her. M's mom texted me the other day and said "to us, you're family." We feel the same way. We are a new family, us and them. It seems crazy that we have only known them a little over 2 weeks, it seems like much longer. In the beginning of this process Heath and I did not want an open adoption at all, but after day 1 we told them if they ever want to see us and Kaleigh in the future to let us know and we could work something out. They tell us this is not a "normal" situation, but this is our normal and we are so very thankful.
On that Friday morning we left FL and headed to TN. We spent a couple of nights there and then headed on back to IN. We have been home almost a week and we still feel like we are dreaming. Some times I look down at Kaleigh and think "she is really my daughter." After praying for this for so long, it is so sweet to see God's specific answer to our prayers for children. I am so thankful God called us to adoption because if not, we would not have our Kaleigh and we would not have had the privilege to meet M and her family. God has been so gracious to us and has been so kind. We have spent lots of time praising Him and asking for His grace as we raise sweet Kaleigh. This has been such a fun part of our beautiful journey!
Monday, December 31, 2012
2012 reflections
I say this every year, but I can't believe it's already time for a new year! It seems crazy. 2012 was a year full of exciting news, new beginnings, lots of lessons, and enjoying God's favor in our lives. It was also a year of hard decisions, heartache, sadness and learning more and more about God. 2012 is not what we expected, but we have learned so much and we have seen God sustain us through this year.
We started off the year in a really dark season of our life. I know that may not be the most uplifting thing to here, but that's the honest truth. There were many nights we would just sit together and cry. Infertility was not at all something we ever expected we would go through. God was so gracious to us through it, but it was hard, and some days it still is. We learned to rely on Him and confess our dependence on Him. We also learned to ask Him the hard questions and then seek Him in His Word to find the answer.
By February and March we had begun to seriously consider domestic adoption and ultimately decided to begin that process. We are so thankful that God opened up our hearts to this opportunity. We began our home study, applied to CAC, made our profile book, presented to our first birth mother, planned for a fundraiser and I can't even remember what else! We learned a lot about walking by faith and trusting the Lord with our plans. We also saw the body of Christ in ways that we couldn't believe.
In April, we had another hard decision to make. Heath had been offered a job in his home town and we needed to make a decision. It was so hard because we loved everything about our life in West Lafayette. The problem was that Heath's job was not exactly ideal. We were so thankful of God's provision of that job and Heath loved his co-workers, but the job was stressful and he had kind of crazy hours. The job in his home town was pretty much ideal. It was exactly what he wanted to do long term. So late in April we made the decision to move. We grew in our understanding of the Lord's provision for us and His guiding and directing.
May started off with a bang. Heath quit his job, accepted his new job, we put our house on the market and had our adoption auction-that was all within the first 5 days of May! Ha! Our auction was unbelievable. The body of Christ really rallied around us and donated items, food, time, money and showed us the love of Christ in more ways than we could imagine. In the middle of May Heath left to start his new job and i stayed in West Lafayette to finish up my job. Again, we feel like we saw the love of Christ displayed to us in and through the body of Christ.
By June, I had moved to Columbus. June was a hard month for me personally as I continued to struggle believing God had the very best for us and that His timing was perfect. I continued to learn about surrendering to the Lord and trusting Him in all things.
In July, our house in West Lafayette sold! I spent a week there packing and saying goodbye to our friends. We closed at the end of July. Heath and I also celebrated our 3rd anniversary. I am beyond blessed to have been his wife for the last 3 years. Time really has flown! We saw the Lord provide for us in the selling of our home and we were able to celebrate the gift of marriage He gave us.
August brought us much joy as we found and closed on our new house. It is so evident that the Lord provided this house for us and we are so very thankful.
September came with more opportunities to present and more times of being told no. I am thankful (now) they all said no, but it was so hard at the time. God did something we are so thankful for in Sept.-He provided a church for us. We searched and searched for a church here and to be honest we were kind of discouraged. Nothing really seem to fit us and our vision. Then we went to Terrace Lake Community Church and we knew this is where God wanted us. We have been immensely blessed by being a part of this church body. Again, we continued to learn to trust the Lord and His timing and we thank Him for the provision of a body of Christ for us to be a part of.
My oh my how do I explain October! Our family had a scare when Jeb had a stroke and they found the hole in his heart. It was an emotionally draining few days as we waited to hear the results and then see what the next steps were. October was also the month we were told we were going to be parents. How do I even begin to describe that into words? We saw God answer a lot of prayers in a very short time. We were reminded of how He hears us and He is good.
November and December were spent traveling, getting ready for sweet Kaleigh and just enjoying our last few weeks as a family of 2. We also got showered by our friends here in Columbus. We are so grateful for how the Lord has provided sweet friends for us here. We were humbled and grateful for how they showered us. We got to see both of our families twice. We enjoyed celebrating Christmas. And we finished off the year celebrating Heath's birthday.
To sum it up, we are thankful for all the Lord has taught us and how He has proven His faithfulness to us. We are truly grateful to Him for all He has done this year. As we look forward to 2013 there is a lot to anticipate. We are so excited about Kaleigh joining us soon. We pray the Lord will continue to teach us and remind us of the gospel daily. Can't wait to see where this beautiful journey takes us in 2013!
We started off the year in a really dark season of our life. I know that may not be the most uplifting thing to here, but that's the honest truth. There were many nights we would just sit together and cry. Infertility was not at all something we ever expected we would go through. God was so gracious to us through it, but it was hard, and some days it still is. We learned to rely on Him and confess our dependence on Him. We also learned to ask Him the hard questions and then seek Him in His Word to find the answer.
By February and March we had begun to seriously consider domestic adoption and ultimately decided to begin that process. We are so thankful that God opened up our hearts to this opportunity. We began our home study, applied to CAC, made our profile book, presented to our first birth mother, planned for a fundraiser and I can't even remember what else! We learned a lot about walking by faith and trusting the Lord with our plans. We also saw the body of Christ in ways that we couldn't believe.
In April, we had another hard decision to make. Heath had been offered a job in his home town and we needed to make a decision. It was so hard because we loved everything about our life in West Lafayette. The problem was that Heath's job was not exactly ideal. We were so thankful of God's provision of that job and Heath loved his co-workers, but the job was stressful and he had kind of crazy hours. The job in his home town was pretty much ideal. It was exactly what he wanted to do long term. So late in April we made the decision to move. We grew in our understanding of the Lord's provision for us and His guiding and directing.
May started off with a bang. Heath quit his job, accepted his new job, we put our house on the market and had our adoption auction-that was all within the first 5 days of May! Ha! Our auction was unbelievable. The body of Christ really rallied around us and donated items, food, time, money and showed us the love of Christ in more ways than we could imagine. In the middle of May Heath left to start his new job and i stayed in West Lafayette to finish up my job. Again, we feel like we saw the love of Christ displayed to us in and through the body of Christ.
By June, I had moved to Columbus. June was a hard month for me personally as I continued to struggle believing God had the very best for us and that His timing was perfect. I continued to learn about surrendering to the Lord and trusting Him in all things.
In July, our house in West Lafayette sold! I spent a week there packing and saying goodbye to our friends. We closed at the end of July. Heath and I also celebrated our 3rd anniversary. I am beyond blessed to have been his wife for the last 3 years. Time really has flown! We saw the Lord provide for us in the selling of our home and we were able to celebrate the gift of marriage He gave us.
August brought us much joy as we found and closed on our new house. It is so evident that the Lord provided this house for us and we are so very thankful.
September came with more opportunities to present and more times of being told no. I am thankful (now) they all said no, but it was so hard at the time. God did something we are so thankful for in Sept.-He provided a church for us. We searched and searched for a church here and to be honest we were kind of discouraged. Nothing really seem to fit us and our vision. Then we went to Terrace Lake Community Church and we knew this is where God wanted us. We have been immensely blessed by being a part of this church body. Again, we continued to learn to trust the Lord and His timing and we thank Him for the provision of a body of Christ for us to be a part of.
My oh my how do I explain October! Our family had a scare when Jeb had a stroke and they found the hole in his heart. It was an emotionally draining few days as we waited to hear the results and then see what the next steps were. October was also the month we were told we were going to be parents. How do I even begin to describe that into words? We saw God answer a lot of prayers in a very short time. We were reminded of how He hears us and He is good.
November and December were spent traveling, getting ready for sweet Kaleigh and just enjoying our last few weeks as a family of 2. We also got showered by our friends here in Columbus. We are so grateful for how the Lord has provided sweet friends for us here. We were humbled and grateful for how they showered us. We got to see both of our families twice. We enjoyed celebrating Christmas. And we finished off the year celebrating Heath's birthday.
To sum it up, we are thankful for all the Lord has taught us and how He has proven His faithfulness to us. We are truly grateful to Him for all He has done this year. As we look forward to 2013 there is a lot to anticipate. We are so excited about Kaleigh joining us soon. We pray the Lord will continue to teach us and remind us of the gospel daily. Can't wait to see where this beautiful journey takes us in 2013!
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Post-Christmas thoughts
I so meant to get this post up before Christmas, but it just didn't happen so it's a post- Christmas blog about Christmas! This year I really wanted to be focused on Jesus. I know that sounds so silly to have to really focus on Him, but to be honest I can go through the season and not really think about Jesus that much (sad but true). This year I did an Advent study through Good Morning Girls (www.goodmorninggirls.com) and it was really helpful to be able to study more about Jesus and everyday to have my mind focused in on Him.
One verse really stuck out to me. Matthew 1:21 says "She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” To set the scene, an angel has just appeared to Joseph and this is what he is being told. It's unbelievable if you think about it. Here is this angel proclaiming to Jesus' earthly dad that He will save the people from their sins. It was the very purpose for His birth. God, in His goodness, sent His one and only Son to save us from our sins.
His birth was for His death. If Jesus had not come to save us from our sins then there would be no hope. If Jesus was born, lived a sinless life and then died of old age there would be no hope. See thinking about Christmas leads me to thinking about Easter. God sent His Son in human likeness so He could live a sinless life on my behalf. He was born so that He could go to the cross sinless and bear the wrath of God for my sin. Yes, He died a terrible death by crucifixion, but the worst part was that He faced the wrath of God on my behalf for my sin. And He knew that from the beginning yet still willingly "became flesh and dwelt among us."(Jn 1:14)
So this Christmas, I didn't want to do what is so easy in our society and that's to take Christ out of Christmas. To be honest, I didn't do it perfectly, but I feel like this year was a huge step forward for me mostly in my heart and mind. I'm so thankful that Christ was born and so thankful for the opportunity to celebrate Him.
On a similar but side note, it really bothers me how we dismiss Christ out of Christmas. We're not suppose to say "Merry Christmas" but "Happy Holidays." We can't have nativity scenes set up in public anymore because "that's offensive." We're not suppose to talk about Jesus because what if it offends someone. Well, to be blunt, Christmas is a Christian holiday and if you don't like it, then just don't celebrate it. Gasp! I know, how could I say something like that? Because it's true. There are plenty of holidays other world religions celebrate that are totally fine and no one says anything about, but make something about Jesus and all of a sudden it's offensive. I just don't get it. I'm not saying do away with gift giving or Christmas trees or anything like that, I'm just saying let's focus on what it's really about-Jesus.
Okay, sorry about my little rant. I just could not stop thinking about that this year. Pray for me that I will continually grow in my love for and understanding of Jesus and that I will make my life about Him.
Thankful this Christmas for the greatest gift of all-Jesus who saves His people from their sins.
One verse really stuck out to me. Matthew 1:21 says "She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” To set the scene, an angel has just appeared to Joseph and this is what he is being told. It's unbelievable if you think about it. Here is this angel proclaiming to Jesus' earthly dad that He will save the people from their sins. It was the very purpose for His birth. God, in His goodness, sent His one and only Son to save us from our sins.
His birth was for His death. If Jesus had not come to save us from our sins then there would be no hope. If Jesus was born, lived a sinless life and then died of old age there would be no hope. See thinking about Christmas leads me to thinking about Easter. God sent His Son in human likeness so He could live a sinless life on my behalf. He was born so that He could go to the cross sinless and bear the wrath of God for my sin. Yes, He died a terrible death by crucifixion, but the worst part was that He faced the wrath of God on my behalf for my sin. And He knew that from the beginning yet still willingly "became flesh and dwelt among us."(Jn 1:14)
So this Christmas, I didn't want to do what is so easy in our society and that's to take Christ out of Christmas. To be honest, I didn't do it perfectly, but I feel like this year was a huge step forward for me mostly in my heart and mind. I'm so thankful that Christ was born and so thankful for the opportunity to celebrate Him.
On a similar but side note, it really bothers me how we dismiss Christ out of Christmas. We're not suppose to say "Merry Christmas" but "Happy Holidays." We can't have nativity scenes set up in public anymore because "that's offensive." We're not suppose to talk about Jesus because what if it offends someone. Well, to be blunt, Christmas is a Christian holiday and if you don't like it, then just don't celebrate it. Gasp! I know, how could I say something like that? Because it's true. There are plenty of holidays other world religions celebrate that are totally fine and no one says anything about, but make something about Jesus and all of a sudden it's offensive. I just don't get it. I'm not saying do away with gift giving or Christmas trees or anything like that, I'm just saying let's focus on what it's really about-Jesus.
Okay, sorry about my little rant. I just could not stop thinking about that this year. Pray for me that I will continually grow in my love for and understanding of Jesus and that I will make my life about Him.
Thankful this Christmas for the greatest gift of all-Jesus who saves His people from their sins.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Fear is a funny thing
Fear really is a funny thing. I remember before we started trying to get pregnant I was so scared we would have complications getting pregnant. Once we started having problems I was so scared they would tell us we would never get pregnant. When they told us we'd probably never get pregnant and we started the adoption process there was a whole new slew of things I was scared of: how are we going to pay for it, how long will it take, will we get chosen. Now that we are chosen I am so scared she will change her mind. And I know once we have her I will be so scared something will happen to her. Like I said, fear is a funny thing.
I thought when we got chosen by a birth mom my fear would go away, but it most certainly hasn't. I have found myself fearful of so many things. The biggest, of course, is the birth mother changing her mind. In FL, the birth mom has 48 hours to change her mind. We have no reason to think she'll change her mind-our agency says she is sure, the birth mom refers to the baby as "your baby," etc.-but the fear is still there. I am scared to death we will get there, meet this precious little one and then have to say goodbye. And that could happen.
Something I have realized as I have searched my heart over this continual fear-it just changes from being scared of one thing to being scared of another-is that it is the same heart issue: I don't trust God. I don't trust that He has the very best for us. I don't trust His plan for our lives and I want to control it. I don't trust that He is wise and good and faithful. So it brings me back to one word: surrender. Such an easy word to say, yet so hard to live out.
This past Sunday at church we sang the song "Surrender." Here are the lyrics:
I'm giving You my heart
All that is within
I lay it all down
For the sake of You my King
I'm giving You my dreams laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride
For the promise of new life
And I Surrender
All to You, all to You
I'm singing You this song
I'm waiting at the Cross
All the world holds dear
I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You
For the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy
Even sharing in Your pain
This is the prayer of my heart. I pray that I will constantly be surrendered to the Lord of the Universe. Surrender is not a one time thing to me, it is an every day, moment by moment thing. I am constantly needing to surrender the things I want for the things He wants (which is so much better than what I want anyway). And I really do want what is going to bring the most glory to Him and what is going to cause me to know Him better.
I'm coming to realize there will probably always be something I am afraid of, but I can trust the One who holds our beautiful journey in His hands and know that He is working everything out for our good (Rom. 8:28)
I thought when we got chosen by a birth mom my fear would go away, but it most certainly hasn't. I have found myself fearful of so many things. The biggest, of course, is the birth mother changing her mind. In FL, the birth mom has 48 hours to change her mind. We have no reason to think she'll change her mind-our agency says she is sure, the birth mom refers to the baby as "your baby," etc.-but the fear is still there. I am scared to death we will get there, meet this precious little one and then have to say goodbye. And that could happen.
Something I have realized as I have searched my heart over this continual fear-it just changes from being scared of one thing to being scared of another-is that it is the same heart issue: I don't trust God. I don't trust that He has the very best for us. I don't trust His plan for our lives and I want to control it. I don't trust that He is wise and good and faithful. So it brings me back to one word: surrender. Such an easy word to say, yet so hard to live out.
This past Sunday at church we sang the song "Surrender." Here are the lyrics:
I'm giving You my heart
All that is within
I lay it all down
For the sake of You my King
I'm giving You my dreams laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride
For the promise of new life
And I Surrender
All to You, all to You
I'm singing You this song
I'm waiting at the Cross
All the world holds dear
I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You
For the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy
Even sharing in Your pain
This is the prayer of my heart. I pray that I will constantly be surrendered to the Lord of the Universe. Surrender is not a one time thing to me, it is an every day, moment by moment thing. I am constantly needing to surrender the things I want for the things He wants (which is so much better than what I want anyway). And I really do want what is going to bring the most glory to Him and what is going to cause me to know Him better.
I'm coming to realize there will probably always be something I am afraid of, but I can trust the One who holds our beautiful journey in His hands and know that He is working everything out for our good (Rom. 8:28)
Monday, November 19, 2012
Good Ole Rocky Top
If you're from TN you are probably wondering why I would write a post entitled "Good Ole Rocky Top" while in the world of football, it's anything but good in Rocky Top. I mean we lost to Vandy...seriously? For all you non-TN folk, I know it's hard to understand and there is no way to explain it. At least that's exactly how I felt when trying to explain to Heath my L-O-V-E for UT football whether they were the best or the worst team. The only way I knew how to even begin for Heath to understand it, was to take him there. We have been wanting to go to a game since we have been married, but haven't had the chance to get away on a weekend in the fall. Since baby girl is coming, we knew it had to be this fall. So, off we went. Here are some pictures to document our weekend.
Heath and I in front of Neyland Stadium
So great to spend time with my brother!
The Pride of the Southland.
Us with our tickets! (thanks Doug for hooking us up!)
Great seats!
Power T
It's Football Time In Tennessee!
Go VOLS!
Even though the Vols lost, it was still fun to go and see them play and it was fun to see Heath experiencing it all for the first time. We were also thankful to get to spend time with Jeb and Cathy while we were there. We are thankful for their hospitality!
Of course you know there was no way I was leaving town for Knoxville without meeting this little guy first...
Graham Buckle was born at 4:46 a.m. on November 8th
This is my sister and brother-in-law's baby boy. He is seriously so precious. There was absolutely no way I was waiting to meet him until we got back.
I LOVE his hair!!! I could not get over it! I already love him so much!
We can't wait for Graham and baby girl to be BFFs!!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Yes!
Sorry in advance for the short post, but many people have asked if you can still donate to help us bring our little girl home. The answer is YES! If you would like to donate just click the donate button on the side of this blog and that will be a tax deductible gift into our account. If you'd rather not do that, you can mail us a check personally-just ask and I can give you our address.
THANK YOU to those who have given and who want to give!!
THANK YOU to those who have given and who want to give!!
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