Weird title for a blog post right? Let me explain. The last few months our pastors have been preaching through the book of Romans. When they announced they were going to preach through it I decided I would study Romans in my personal Bible time too. This week in my Bible time I reached the verse that many people know and many people quote. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I'm sure you've heard it, even if only in part or a paraphrase. It's a go-to phrase for times of grief and trial.
I've read this verse more times than I can count, I memorized it, I have reminded myself of the truth in it, but I have often questioned it. These last few months have carried some heavy things for me and not just things that are happening to me, but things that are happening to those I know- friends losing their spouses way too early, friends going through miscarriage, friends losing their children to terrible diseases, dear friends getting a diagnosis that doesn't have a good prognosis, friends getting the news that their desire to start or grow their family just may not happen and the list goes on. That's my friends. I've had my own things going on too-we are up to 21 no's in the adoption process (see my last post for how I feel about that). It's been heavy y'all.
And then there's this verse-God works all things for the good. All things? Really? To be honest, it just doesn't seem like it. How are those things good? This time around though I realized something that I had never really thought about before. God's definition of good and my definition of good are not always the same. He's not saying here that all things are good, but that all things work for the good. And what is His definition of good? His definition of good is me becoming more like Jesus. At the end of all these bad things, if I am more like Him then that's a good thing. God does not delight in seeing me or anyone else suffer in this world, but He does delight in me becoming more like Him. And that's good. My definition of good is often circumstantial- no cancer, no disease, getting to have a baby when you want one, etc. God's definition of good is about my character- more holiness, more righteousness, more like Jesus. I had never made that connection before. I think I always thought of it as at the end of bad circumstances there will be some good circumstance to come of it, but that's not what it's saying. That obviously can happen- I think about our infertility and how if that had never happened we wouldn't have our two precious children, so yes, good things happen out of hard circumstances, but that's not the totality of what this verse is saying. What it's saying is that the most precious thing to be gained is to be more like Jesus.
The question now becomes do I want what God wants more than I want what I want? Am I more interested in getting the good circumstances or do I want to be more like Jesus? Am I ok with being like Jesus being the good thing? Hard questions, but necessary.
I'm not naive enough to think that everyone reading this is a Christ follower or believes the Bible is true. If that's you, let me say this-I know that this may not make sense to you. I didn't become a Christian until I was 19 so I would have thought this was crazy talk if I would have heard it before then. My challenge to you would be to read the book of John and see who Jesus really is because I think our society has made it really hard to know who He really is, so I ask you to find out for yourself. I'd love to talk to you more about it if you do decide to find out who He really is.
I can see in my life how difficult times have grown me and grown my faith and made me more like Jesus. And for that I am thankful, even when the hard stuff continues to be hard.
Sunday, May 27, 2018
Friday, May 11, 2018
When Mother's Day is Sad
Every year I repost a blog I did a few years ago about Mother’s Day, but this year I decided to write a different one.
Mother’s Day is a wonderful holiday and for sure needs to be celebrated. Let’s face it being a mom is hard work. Just this past week Heath was out of town so I was solo parenting. Let me just pause there and give a huge shout out to single moms, moms whose husbands are in the military and any other situation where you find yourself solo mom-ing it. You're a rock star. Anyway Heath was out of town and one night I put my kids to bed at 6:25 because I just couldn’t do it for one more second. So yeah, it’s hard work. It’s also one of the greatest joys of my life. I love these kids so so so much. I want to be celebrated as a mom!
At the same time Mother’s Day is really sad for me and I know it's sad for others.
When I was 15 my mom passed away from a battle with cancer. Words cannot express how badly I wish she were here to celebrate, to be celebrated by her grandkids. I was just thinking the other day how much she would love them! So even though I will be celebrating this weekend, there will also be a bit of sadness that comes along with it.
I have a few friends who have lost their moms this past year and I have been thinking all week how hard it is going to be for them. This Mother’s Day will be sad for them.
Another way it’s sad is that even though I’m already a mother I still have the desire to have more kids and that is just not my reality right now and I’m not sure if it ever will be my reality. I’m unbelievably thankful for the children the Lord has provided for us, but there’s still the hope for more that just isn’t fulfilled yet and that makes me sad.
There are SO many women around me who are struggling with infertility or who have experienced the pain of a miscarriage. Mother’s Day is sad for them and it makes me sad for them too. It’s not a pity for them, just a sadness knowing that either they so desperately want to be a mom and can’t be or they thought that through this holiday there would be another child-either pregnant, having the child already or bringing one home through adoption. Those women will be sad on Sunday.
For others, there is an estranged relationship with their mom. Mother’s Day is a day that brings sadness because the relationship they want just is never going to be a reality. Maybe the day brings up bitterness and anger instead of joy and celebration.
I say all this to say, this Mother’s Day as you celebrate the mother’s in life or are celebrated yourself, be aware that for some people Mother’s Day is a sad day. For me, it’s a mixture of emotions and for many others it probably is too. My advice would be to know there are women around you in each of these categories and that are sad-look for opportunities to love on those women around you who may be sad on Mother’s Day.
Mother’s Day is a wonderful holiday and for sure needs to be celebrated. Let’s face it being a mom is hard work. Just this past week Heath was out of town so I was solo parenting. Let me just pause there and give a huge shout out to single moms, moms whose husbands are in the military and any other situation where you find yourself solo mom-ing it. You're a rock star. Anyway Heath was out of town and one night I put my kids to bed at 6:25 because I just couldn’t do it for one more second. So yeah, it’s hard work. It’s also one of the greatest joys of my life. I love these kids so so so much. I want to be celebrated as a mom!
At the same time Mother’s Day is really sad for me and I know it's sad for others.
When I was 15 my mom passed away from a battle with cancer. Words cannot express how badly I wish she were here to celebrate, to be celebrated by her grandkids. I was just thinking the other day how much she would love them! So even though I will be celebrating this weekend, there will also be a bit of sadness that comes along with it.
I have a few friends who have lost their moms this past year and I have been thinking all week how hard it is going to be for them. This Mother’s Day will be sad for them.
Another way it’s sad is that even though I’m already a mother I still have the desire to have more kids and that is just not my reality right now and I’m not sure if it ever will be my reality. I’m unbelievably thankful for the children the Lord has provided for us, but there’s still the hope for more that just isn’t fulfilled yet and that makes me sad.
There are SO many women around me who are struggling with infertility or who have experienced the pain of a miscarriage. Mother’s Day is sad for them and it makes me sad for them too. It’s not a pity for them, just a sadness knowing that either they so desperately want to be a mom and can’t be or they thought that through this holiday there would be another child-either pregnant, having the child already or bringing one home through adoption. Those women will be sad on Sunday.
For others, there is an estranged relationship with their mom. Mother’s Day is a day that brings sadness because the relationship they want just is never going to be a reality. Maybe the day brings up bitterness and anger instead of joy and celebration.
I say all this to say, this Mother’s Day as you celebrate the mother’s in life or are celebrated yourself, be aware that for some people Mother’s Day is a sad day. For me, it’s a mixture of emotions and for many others it probably is too. My advice would be to know there are women around you in each of these categories and that are sad-look for opportunities to love on those women around you who may be sad on Mother’s Day.
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