Not for a Moment

A couple of weeks ago this song was sung at our church. I loved it. As I sat there listening to my friend sing it, I couldn't help but think of our journey through infertility and adoption. Here are the lyrics in case you don't want to listen to it:


You were reaching through the storm
walking on the water
even when I could not see
in the middle of it all
when I thought You were a thousand miles away
not for a moment did You forsake me
not for a moment did You forsake me

CHORUS
after all You are constant
after all You are only good
after all You are sovereign
not for a moment will You forsake me
not for a moment will You forsake me

You were singing in the dark
whispering Your promise
even when I could not hear
I was held in Your arms
carried for a thousand miles to show
Not for a moment did You forsake me

and every step every breath you are there
every tear every cry every prayer
in my hurt at my worst
when my world falls down
not for a moment will You forsake me
even in the dark
even when it's hard
you will never leave me
after all

not for a moment will You forsake me

I'm not going to lie, there were times when I did feel like He had forsaken me. He didn't. Not even for a moment. That gives me great joy. He really was constant, good and sovereign through it all. I can really relate to the last verse. There were many tears, lots of crying, tons of prayers, deep hurt, I was often at my worst, it seemed like my world was falling down, there were very dark days and it was so hard yet He never did forsake me.

When we were going through all of that, I knew there would come a time when I would look back and see Him in it all. When I look at Kaleigh's sweet face, I know God chose her for us. When I think about our relationship with Kaleigh's birth mom and her family, I see God's goodness to us in allowing us to know them and now be forever connected with them. I see how God knew my family would need the phone call telling us we'd be chosen the very week we had such difficult news with Jeb (my brother- who is now fine).

Even with infertility I see how He used it to constantly direct us back to Himself. I see how He used it to deepen our faith and cause us to ask hard questions. I see how He is using it to minister to other people. He didn't forsake us even in the dark days of infertility-not for a moment.

As we go along on our beautiful journey there will not be one moment where He forsakes us. So thankful for that truth!

Schedule

This post is mainly for me so I can go back and reference it whenever it comes time for us to have baby Racine #2. We decided to try to use Babywise for Kaleigh. If you are not familiar with Babywise it's a book that gives guidelines on setting a schedule for your baby and helps them (hopefully) sleep through the night earlier and better. Also something you should know is that it is HIGHLY debated. So let me say this from the get go. This is what we chose for our family, this is what works for us. I know not everyone agrees with this method and that is fine, you don't have to agree, but this is what we chose and I understand that it doesn't work for everyone and I am fine with that.  And if one day this doesn't work for us/Kaleigh then we will do something different. But for now this works so this is what we do!

So here is her typical schedule:

8 a.m.          Wake up, 4oz bottle, awake time: read Bible story,
                         sing songs, etc.
8:45 a.m.    Nap
11 a.m.        Wake up,  4oz bottle, awake time: play mat time,
                         sing songs, read books, etc.
11:50 a.m.   Nap
2 p.m.          Wake up, 4oz bottle, awake time: pretty much a
                         mixture of the things above
2:45 p.m      Nap
*For some reason this is a really hard nap for her. She ends up crying off and on. If she is continually crying I sometimes go get her and rock her or I will just pat her and talk to her while she is still in the crib or I will try her paci
5 p.m.            Wake, 4oz bottle, daddy time!
5:50 p.m        Nap
7:45 p.m.      Wake, 4oz bottle, Family Worship-sing her a
                        worship song (All I Have is Christ)
                        and read a story from Jesus
                         Storybook Bible (one of my favorites!)
10:30            Wake, 4oz bottle, straight to sleep

sometimes 4ish  Wake (not fully but enough to eat), 4oz bottle, straight to sleep
sometimes 5ish (if not 4ish) Same as 4ish

So that's what our day pretty much looks like. Like I said, this is probably only for my benefit in the future, but in case you were wondering, this is what works for us!

Stretching!

I figure only our family will appreciate this, but I had to document it! 

Kaleigh Month 1

Has it seriously been a month? Where has the time gone? It doesn't seem possible our sweet little girl is already a month. Here is her month in review:

She was born and we got to meet our sweet daughter!

She went to the beach for the first time

She went to TN and met Poppy and Nonnie and lots of other friends and family

She met Grammy, Grampy and aunt Heather

She met Aunt Jaye, Uncle Andrew and Graham

She saw her first snow (and bc we live in IN she also lived through her 1st tornado warning at 3a.m. about 2 days later!)

She spent lots of time with Mommy and Daddy!

She was spoiled and loved on by our Lafayette friends

She turned 1 month old! 

One of her favorite things to do it stare at the dots on her crib bedding. She will be screaming and then we will put her in there, she will see the dots and she will stop crying and just stare forever. 

She also found her tongue. She is constantly sticking it out and playing with it. As hard as I have tried, I cannot get a picture of it. 

There are also a couple of things she hates a lot:

bath time-talk about hearing her scream, she cannot stand it, she just screams the whole time

changing clothes-she hates getting her arms taken out of whatever she is wearing and she also hates us pulling anything over her head

Overall, she is such a great baby! Thank you to everyone who has visited us-I couldn't post pics of everyone or this blog would be forever long! We love being her mommy and daddy! 

Choosing Gratefulness

Well we are in full swing here at the Racine house. We've got lots of diapers, lots of wipes, lots of Enfamil, lots of bottles, etc. One thing we don't have is lots of sleep-ha! To be honest, Kaleigh is a really good baby and hardly ever cries. She is a great eater-she's gained 2 pounds since birth! She sleeps great for the most part and is overall just really content.

However, when the clock strikes 2:45 a.m. and it's time to get up and feed her, there is always a part of me that just wants to lay there and keep sleeping. I mean, we've all been there right? But here is what I have been thinking about a lot in the last few weeks. I am grateful that I get to get up at 2:45 a.m. because that means God has answered our prayers for a child. It means our baby girl is healthy. It means she is growing.

I see though in my heart how I can be like the Israelites from the Old Testament. They continually asked God to deliver them from the Egyptians. He did it, He answered their prayers. He even split the Red Sea to show His power. And what did they do the whole time? They complained. Seriously? God answered your prayers and you complain about it?

Then I remember 2:45 a.m. I prayed for this (maybe not specifically to get up at 2:45!!ha). But I prayed for a child and God provided for us. Why would I now then complain about that very thing? But I do it in my heart. I am like the Israelites.

I want to chose gratefulness. I don't want to complain about her. Honestly, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people complain about their kids on Facebook, especially if I know they have had a hard time getting pregnant. But I see the tendency in my heart. I see how I want to complain about having to feed her again or change her diaper or if she doesn't sleep well. I know that I will complain about her. Even if it's not out loud I will do it in my heart. But I am really asking God to help me choose gratefulness.

The funny thing is, I thought on Sunday that I wanted to write about this and that night was one of her worst nights and Monday was one of her worst days. Ha! I saw how easily I complained in my heart. But I think the victory was that in the midst of my complaining I was asking God to help me be grateful. I didn't do it perfectly (and I never will), but I saw how at times when I knew I would normally complain, I spent time praying, thanking God for this sweet gift. I pray God will continue to give me grace to chose gratefulness.