I say this every year, but I can't believe it's already time for a new year! It seems crazy. 2012 was a year full of exciting news, new beginnings, lots of lessons, and enjoying God's favor in our lives. It was also a year of hard decisions, heartache, sadness and learning more and more about God. 2012 is not what we expected, but we have learned so much and we have seen God sustain us through this year.
We started off the year in a really dark season of our life. I know that may not be the most uplifting thing to here, but that's the honest truth. There were many nights we would just sit together and cry. Infertility was not at all something we ever expected we would go through. God was so gracious to us through it, but it was hard, and some days it still is. We learned to rely on Him and confess our dependence on Him. We also learned to ask Him the hard questions and then seek Him in His Word to find the answer.
By February and March we had begun to seriously consider domestic adoption and ultimately decided to begin that process. We are so thankful that God opened up our hearts to this opportunity. We began our home study, applied to CAC, made our profile book, presented to our first birth mother, planned for a fundraiser and I can't even remember what else! We learned a lot about walking by faith and trusting the Lord with our plans. We also saw the body of Christ in ways that we couldn't believe.
In April, we had another hard decision to make. Heath had been offered a job in his home town and we needed to make a decision. It was so hard because we loved everything about our life in West Lafayette. The problem was that Heath's job was not exactly ideal. We were so thankful of God's provision of that job and Heath loved his co-workers, but the job was stressful and he had kind of crazy hours. The job in his home town was pretty much ideal. It was exactly what he wanted to do long term. So late in April we made the decision to move. We grew in our understanding of the Lord's provision for us and His guiding and directing.
May started off with a bang. Heath quit his job, accepted his new job, we put our house on the market and had our adoption auction-that was all within the first 5 days of May! Ha! Our auction was unbelievable. The body of Christ really rallied around us and donated items, food, time, money and showed us the love of Christ in more ways than we could imagine. In the middle of May Heath left to start his new job and i stayed in West Lafayette to finish up my job. Again, we feel like we saw the love of Christ displayed to us in and through the body of Christ.
By June, I had moved to Columbus. June was a hard month for me personally as I continued to struggle believing God had the very best for us and that His timing was perfect. I continued to learn about surrendering to the Lord and trusting Him in all things.
In July, our house in West Lafayette sold! I spent a week there packing and saying goodbye to our friends. We closed at the end of July. Heath and I also celebrated our 3rd anniversary. I am beyond blessed to have been his wife for the last 3 years. Time really has flown! We saw the Lord provide for us in the selling of our home and we were able to celebrate the gift of marriage He gave us.
August brought us much joy as we found and closed on our new house. It is so evident that the Lord provided this house for us and we are so very thankful.
September came with more opportunities to present and more times of being told no. I am thankful (now) they all said no, but it was so hard at the time. God did something we are so thankful for in Sept.-He provided a church for us. We searched and searched for a church here and to be honest we were kind of discouraged. Nothing really seem to fit us and our vision. Then we went to Terrace Lake Community Church and we knew this is where God wanted us. We have been immensely blessed by being a part of this church body. Again, we continued to learn to trust the Lord and His timing and we thank Him for the provision of a body of Christ for us to be a part of.
My oh my how do I explain October! Our family had a scare when Jeb had a stroke and they found the hole in his heart. It was an emotionally draining few days as we waited to hear the results and then see what the next steps were. October was also the month we were told we were going to be parents. How do I even begin to describe that into words? We saw God answer a lot of prayers in a very short time. We were reminded of how He hears us and He is good.
November and December were spent traveling, getting ready for sweet Kaleigh and just enjoying our last few weeks as a family of 2. We also got showered by our friends here in Columbus. We are so grateful for how the Lord has provided sweet friends for us here. We were humbled and grateful for how they showered us. We got to see both of our families twice. We enjoyed celebrating Christmas. And we finished off the year celebrating Heath's birthday.
To sum it up, we are thankful for all the Lord has taught us and how He has proven His faithfulness to us. We are truly grateful to Him for all He has done this year. As we look forward to 2013 there is a lot to anticipate. We are so excited about Kaleigh joining us soon. We pray the Lord will continue to teach us and remind us of the gospel daily. Can't wait to see where this beautiful journey takes us in 2013!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Post-Christmas thoughts
I so meant to get this post up before Christmas, but it just didn't happen so it's a post- Christmas blog about Christmas! This year I really wanted to be focused on Jesus. I know that sounds so silly to have to really focus on Him, but to be honest I can go through the season and not really think about Jesus that much (sad but true). This year I did an Advent study through Good Morning Girls (www.goodmorninggirls.com) and it was really helpful to be able to study more about Jesus and everyday to have my mind focused in on Him.
One verse really stuck out to me. Matthew 1:21 says "She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” To set the scene, an angel has just appeared to Joseph and this is what he is being told. It's unbelievable if you think about it. Here is this angel proclaiming to Jesus' earthly dad that He will save the people from their sins. It was the very purpose for His birth. God, in His goodness, sent His one and only Son to save us from our sins.
His birth was for His death. If Jesus had not come to save us from our sins then there would be no hope. If Jesus was born, lived a sinless life and then died of old age there would be no hope. See thinking about Christmas leads me to thinking about Easter. God sent His Son in human likeness so He could live a sinless life on my behalf. He was born so that He could go to the cross sinless and bear the wrath of God for my sin. Yes, He died a terrible death by crucifixion, but the worst part was that He faced the wrath of God on my behalf for my sin. And He knew that from the beginning yet still willingly "became flesh and dwelt among us."(Jn 1:14)
So this Christmas, I didn't want to do what is so easy in our society and that's to take Christ out of Christmas. To be honest, I didn't do it perfectly, but I feel like this year was a huge step forward for me mostly in my heart and mind. I'm so thankful that Christ was born and so thankful for the opportunity to celebrate Him.
On a similar but side note, it really bothers me how we dismiss Christ out of Christmas. We're not suppose to say "Merry Christmas" but "Happy Holidays." We can't have nativity scenes set up in public anymore because "that's offensive." We're not suppose to talk about Jesus because what if it offends someone. Well, to be blunt, Christmas is a Christian holiday and if you don't like it, then just don't celebrate it. Gasp! I know, how could I say something like that? Because it's true. There are plenty of holidays other world religions celebrate that are totally fine and no one says anything about, but make something about Jesus and all of a sudden it's offensive. I just don't get it. I'm not saying do away with gift giving or Christmas trees or anything like that, I'm just saying let's focus on what it's really about-Jesus.
Okay, sorry about my little rant. I just could not stop thinking about that this year. Pray for me that I will continually grow in my love for and understanding of Jesus and that I will make my life about Him.
Thankful this Christmas for the greatest gift of all-Jesus who saves His people from their sins.
One verse really stuck out to me. Matthew 1:21 says "She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” To set the scene, an angel has just appeared to Joseph and this is what he is being told. It's unbelievable if you think about it. Here is this angel proclaiming to Jesus' earthly dad that He will save the people from their sins. It was the very purpose for His birth. God, in His goodness, sent His one and only Son to save us from our sins.
His birth was for His death. If Jesus had not come to save us from our sins then there would be no hope. If Jesus was born, lived a sinless life and then died of old age there would be no hope. See thinking about Christmas leads me to thinking about Easter. God sent His Son in human likeness so He could live a sinless life on my behalf. He was born so that He could go to the cross sinless and bear the wrath of God for my sin. Yes, He died a terrible death by crucifixion, but the worst part was that He faced the wrath of God on my behalf for my sin. And He knew that from the beginning yet still willingly "became flesh and dwelt among us."(Jn 1:14)
So this Christmas, I didn't want to do what is so easy in our society and that's to take Christ out of Christmas. To be honest, I didn't do it perfectly, but I feel like this year was a huge step forward for me mostly in my heart and mind. I'm so thankful that Christ was born and so thankful for the opportunity to celebrate Him.
On a similar but side note, it really bothers me how we dismiss Christ out of Christmas. We're not suppose to say "Merry Christmas" but "Happy Holidays." We can't have nativity scenes set up in public anymore because "that's offensive." We're not suppose to talk about Jesus because what if it offends someone. Well, to be blunt, Christmas is a Christian holiday and if you don't like it, then just don't celebrate it. Gasp! I know, how could I say something like that? Because it's true. There are plenty of holidays other world religions celebrate that are totally fine and no one says anything about, but make something about Jesus and all of a sudden it's offensive. I just don't get it. I'm not saying do away with gift giving or Christmas trees or anything like that, I'm just saying let's focus on what it's really about-Jesus.
Okay, sorry about my little rant. I just could not stop thinking about that this year. Pray for me that I will continually grow in my love for and understanding of Jesus and that I will make my life about Him.
Thankful this Christmas for the greatest gift of all-Jesus who saves His people from their sins.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Fear is a funny thing
Fear really is a funny thing. I remember before we started trying to get pregnant I was so scared we would have complications getting pregnant. Once we started having problems I was so scared they would tell us we would never get pregnant. When they told us we'd probably never get pregnant and we started the adoption process there was a whole new slew of things I was scared of: how are we going to pay for it, how long will it take, will we get chosen. Now that we are chosen I am so scared she will change her mind. And I know once we have her I will be so scared something will happen to her. Like I said, fear is a funny thing.
I thought when we got chosen by a birth mom my fear would go away, but it most certainly hasn't. I have found myself fearful of so many things. The biggest, of course, is the birth mother changing her mind. In FL, the birth mom has 48 hours to change her mind. We have no reason to think she'll change her mind-our agency says she is sure, the birth mom refers to the baby as "your baby," etc.-but the fear is still there. I am scared to death we will get there, meet this precious little one and then have to say goodbye. And that could happen.
Something I have realized as I have searched my heart over this continual fear-it just changes from being scared of one thing to being scared of another-is that it is the same heart issue: I don't trust God. I don't trust that He has the very best for us. I don't trust His plan for our lives and I want to control it. I don't trust that He is wise and good and faithful. So it brings me back to one word: surrender. Such an easy word to say, yet so hard to live out.
This past Sunday at church we sang the song "Surrender." Here are the lyrics:
I'm giving You my heart
All that is within
I lay it all down
For the sake of You my King
I'm giving You my dreams laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride
For the promise of new life
And I Surrender
All to You, all to You
I'm singing You this song
I'm waiting at the Cross
All the world holds dear
I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You
For the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy
Even sharing in Your pain
This is the prayer of my heart. I pray that I will constantly be surrendered to the Lord of the Universe. Surrender is not a one time thing to me, it is an every day, moment by moment thing. I am constantly needing to surrender the things I want for the things He wants (which is so much better than what I want anyway). And I really do want what is going to bring the most glory to Him and what is going to cause me to know Him better.
I'm coming to realize there will probably always be something I am afraid of, but I can trust the One who holds our beautiful journey in His hands and know that He is working everything out for our good (Rom. 8:28)
I thought when we got chosen by a birth mom my fear would go away, but it most certainly hasn't. I have found myself fearful of so many things. The biggest, of course, is the birth mother changing her mind. In FL, the birth mom has 48 hours to change her mind. We have no reason to think she'll change her mind-our agency says she is sure, the birth mom refers to the baby as "your baby," etc.-but the fear is still there. I am scared to death we will get there, meet this precious little one and then have to say goodbye. And that could happen.
Something I have realized as I have searched my heart over this continual fear-it just changes from being scared of one thing to being scared of another-is that it is the same heart issue: I don't trust God. I don't trust that He has the very best for us. I don't trust His plan for our lives and I want to control it. I don't trust that He is wise and good and faithful. So it brings me back to one word: surrender. Such an easy word to say, yet so hard to live out.
This past Sunday at church we sang the song "Surrender." Here are the lyrics:
I'm giving You my heart
All that is within
I lay it all down
For the sake of You my King
I'm giving You my dreams laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride
For the promise of new life
And I Surrender
All to You, all to You
I'm singing You this song
I'm waiting at the Cross
All the world holds dear
I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You
For the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy
Even sharing in Your pain
This is the prayer of my heart. I pray that I will constantly be surrendered to the Lord of the Universe. Surrender is not a one time thing to me, it is an every day, moment by moment thing. I am constantly needing to surrender the things I want for the things He wants (which is so much better than what I want anyway). And I really do want what is going to bring the most glory to Him and what is going to cause me to know Him better.
I'm coming to realize there will probably always be something I am afraid of, but I can trust the One who holds our beautiful journey in His hands and know that He is working everything out for our good (Rom. 8:28)
Monday, November 19, 2012
Good Ole Rocky Top
If you're from TN you are probably wondering why I would write a post entitled "Good Ole Rocky Top" while in the world of football, it's anything but good in Rocky Top. I mean we lost to Vandy...seriously? For all you non-TN folk, I know it's hard to understand and there is no way to explain it. At least that's exactly how I felt when trying to explain to Heath my L-O-V-E for UT football whether they were the best or the worst team. The only way I knew how to even begin for Heath to understand it, was to take him there. We have been wanting to go to a game since we have been married, but haven't had the chance to get away on a weekend in the fall. Since baby girl is coming, we knew it had to be this fall. So, off we went. Here are some pictures to document our weekend.
Heath and I in front of Neyland Stadium
So great to spend time with my brother!
The Pride of the Southland.
Us with our tickets! (thanks Doug for hooking us up!)
Great seats!
Power T
It's Football Time In Tennessee!
Go VOLS!
Even though the Vols lost, it was still fun to go and see them play and it was fun to see Heath experiencing it all for the first time. We were also thankful to get to spend time with Jeb and Cathy while we were there. We are thankful for their hospitality!
Of course you know there was no way I was leaving town for Knoxville without meeting this little guy first...
Graham Buckle was born at 4:46 a.m. on November 8th
This is my sister and brother-in-law's baby boy. He is seriously so precious. There was absolutely no way I was waiting to meet him until we got back.
I LOVE his hair!!! I could not get over it! I already love him so much!
We can't wait for Graham and baby girl to be BFFs!!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Yes!
Sorry in advance for the short post, but many people have asked if you can still donate to help us bring our little girl home. The answer is YES! If you would like to donate just click the donate button on the side of this blog and that will be a tax deductible gift into our account. If you'd rather not do that, you can mail us a check personally-just ask and I can give you our address.
THANK YOU to those who have given and who want to give!!
THANK YOU to those who have given and who want to give!!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
"The Call"
I had it perfectly planned out in my mind how it would go when we got "the call," that is the call telling us we'd been chosen. I would be in some super cute outfit and Heath and I would take these adorable pictures showing our celebration. We would jump up and down and immediately go buy something all blue or all pink. Let's just say things didn't go exactly as I had planned out in my head.
Let me explain to you the week and then day I had surrounding "the call."Monday morning I wake up and I am s-i-c-k. I feel awful-sore throat, achy, you get the gist. At about 9:30 that morning my dad calls me to tell me my brother, Jeb, had a "spell." He was having a hard time talking and a hard time holding his cell phone. I honestly didn't think much about it. I of course was praying for him, but just didn't think it would be too serious. That afternoon Jeb's wife Cathy calls and says he is talking better and they were still waiting on test results. At about 6:30 I get the call that he has had a stroke, they found a hole in his heart and he would have to have surgery. WHAT? I forgot to mention my brother is 33 years old. I could not believe it.
My dad had my step-mom call because they were on the way to Knoxville. I was crying so hard and had so many questions. The problem was they had no answers. They told me not to come to Knoxville until they knew more of what was going on. I knew they were right but it was so hard for me to stay here when I knew my brother was sick and in the hospital. I felt so helpless. When I hung up the phone I couldn't even talk because I was crying so hard. Heath kept asking me what was going on and I couldn't even talk to tell him. I was finally able to get it out and he just held me while I cried. He also prayed for my brother, for his healing and for peace for him and the rest of our family.
My dad got to the hospital about 10 p.m. and called to tell me that he was encouraged being there and seeing and talking to Jeb-which made me feel a lot better. He said Jeb told him to tell me not to worry about him-yeah right! The next day Jeb was doing a lot better and his speech had improved a lot. They still told me not to come because there was nothing I could do. My dad and step-mom made sure to call me anytime they heard anything from the doctor which I was so thankful for. I just prayed and prayed for him. On Wednesday he would have a procedure where they went in and looked at his heart to see how big the hole is.
Wednesday rolls around and I still am feeling terrible. I decide to go to the doctor and guess what? Strep throat-yay! I talk to my step-mom about 11 and she tells me Jeb has just gone into his procedure. Heath came home for lunch about noon. I was in bed in my pajamas, looking a mess. He came to check on me and then went downstairs to make his lunch. I hear him downstairs say "what? what? are you kidding me?" All I could think is that something went terribly wrong in the procedure and they were calling Heath to make sure he was home with me. As he was walking up the stairs I was so scared. I didn't want to hear what he had to say because I just knew it was bad.
He got to the door and said "I'm going to put you on speaker phone so can you tell my wife what you just told me?" I said hello and that's when I heard those sweet words "you're going to be a mommy."
Wow! So different than what I was expecting.
I called my dad to tell him and my step-mom answered. They had just gotten out from a meeting with the doctor and she told me that the hole was significant enough for him to need surgery, but the FDA wouldn't allow them to do the surgery until he had 2 "episodes." They were putting in for an appeal of that. I asked to talk to my dad and she said he was upstairs with Jeb. I told her to have him call me as soon as he could. A few minutes later he called back and I got to tell him. He immediately walked back to Jeb's room and told me to tell him. Keep in mind this is the first time I had talked to my brother since all of this had happened. I told him we were praying for him and were so thankful for how well he was doing. Then I got to tell him he was going to be an uncle!!! I think it was sweet of God to let that be my first conversation with him.
We then called other family and friends and shared the news with them. When I talked to Carlee-our adoption consultant-she said "God knew your family would need this news this week." She was right.
To say that week was an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement. What a week! It definitely had it's lows and it's highs. I am thankful to say that my brother is doing well, he had his surgery and is on his way to making a complete recovery. He better be ready by January because he is going to have a niece to spoil!
No, "the call" didn't go exactly as I thought, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. We prayed for a lot of things that week and God answered so many of them! We did get to take pictures though. Please excuse how disgusting I look. We just want baby girl to know we were excited from the second we found out!
Let me explain to you the week and then day I had surrounding "the call."Monday morning I wake up and I am s-i-c-k. I feel awful-sore throat, achy, you get the gist. At about 9:30 that morning my dad calls me to tell me my brother, Jeb, had a "spell." He was having a hard time talking and a hard time holding his cell phone. I honestly didn't think much about it. I of course was praying for him, but just didn't think it would be too serious. That afternoon Jeb's wife Cathy calls and says he is talking better and they were still waiting on test results. At about 6:30 I get the call that he has had a stroke, they found a hole in his heart and he would have to have surgery. WHAT? I forgot to mention my brother is 33 years old. I could not believe it.
My dad had my step-mom call because they were on the way to Knoxville. I was crying so hard and had so many questions. The problem was they had no answers. They told me not to come to Knoxville until they knew more of what was going on. I knew they were right but it was so hard for me to stay here when I knew my brother was sick and in the hospital. I felt so helpless. When I hung up the phone I couldn't even talk because I was crying so hard. Heath kept asking me what was going on and I couldn't even talk to tell him. I was finally able to get it out and he just held me while I cried. He also prayed for my brother, for his healing and for peace for him and the rest of our family.
My dad got to the hospital about 10 p.m. and called to tell me that he was encouraged being there and seeing and talking to Jeb-which made me feel a lot better. He said Jeb told him to tell me not to worry about him-yeah right! The next day Jeb was doing a lot better and his speech had improved a lot. They still told me not to come because there was nothing I could do. My dad and step-mom made sure to call me anytime they heard anything from the doctor which I was so thankful for. I just prayed and prayed for him. On Wednesday he would have a procedure where they went in and looked at his heart to see how big the hole is.
Wednesday rolls around and I still am feeling terrible. I decide to go to the doctor and guess what? Strep throat-yay! I talk to my step-mom about 11 and she tells me Jeb has just gone into his procedure. Heath came home for lunch about noon. I was in bed in my pajamas, looking a mess. He came to check on me and then went downstairs to make his lunch. I hear him downstairs say "what? what? are you kidding me?" All I could think is that something went terribly wrong in the procedure and they were calling Heath to make sure he was home with me. As he was walking up the stairs I was so scared. I didn't want to hear what he had to say because I just knew it was bad.
He got to the door and said "I'm going to put you on speaker phone so can you tell my wife what you just told me?" I said hello and that's when I heard those sweet words "you're going to be a mommy."
Wow! So different than what I was expecting.
I called my dad to tell him and my step-mom answered. They had just gotten out from a meeting with the doctor and she told me that the hole was significant enough for him to need surgery, but the FDA wouldn't allow them to do the surgery until he had 2 "episodes." They were putting in for an appeal of that. I asked to talk to my dad and she said he was upstairs with Jeb. I told her to have him call me as soon as he could. A few minutes later he called back and I got to tell him. He immediately walked back to Jeb's room and told me to tell him. Keep in mind this is the first time I had talked to my brother since all of this had happened. I told him we were praying for him and were so thankful for how well he was doing. Then I got to tell him he was going to be an uncle!!! I think it was sweet of God to let that be my first conversation with him.
We then called other family and friends and shared the news with them. When I talked to Carlee-our adoption consultant-she said "God knew your family would need this news this week." She was right.
To say that week was an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement. What a week! It definitely had it's lows and it's highs. I am thankful to say that my brother is doing well, he had his surgery and is on his way to making a complete recovery. He better be ready by January because he is going to have a niece to spoil!
No, "the call" didn't go exactly as I thought, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. We prayed for a lot of things that week and God answered so many of them! We did get to take pictures though. Please excuse how disgusting I look. We just want baby girl to know we were excited from the second we found out!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
The Sweetest Words
"You're going to be a mommy!" Those are the sweetest words. Those are the words spoken to me by Angela at our adoption agency on Wednesday, October 17th around 12:30 in the afternoon. I will never forget that day or those words.
There were lots of other things surrounding that day that I don't have time to go into right now, but for those few moments, all of those other things disappeared from my mind. I was going to be a mommy and Heath was going to be a daddy.
As she spoke those words to me I immediately started bawling. I look up at Heath and he is crying too. It was the phone call we had been waiting for. As soon as we got off the phone with her we hugged and spent some time praying. We praised God for allowing us to be chosen and for bringing this sweet baby girl into our lives. We prayed for her health and that she would continue to develop in the womb. We prayed for the birth mother, thanking God for her and praying for peace for her. There was so much to rejoice in.
We immediately started calling family and friends to tell them our exciting news. They were so excited. Many of them cried right along with us. Many of them have prayed this little girl into our lives. Two things I know for sure, this little girl is loved and this little girl has been prayed for.
I want to take a second and say THANK YOU to everyone who has prayed for us in this and who has generously given of your money so that we can bring our daughter home. There are no words to express our gratitude, seriously no words. Thank you doesn't even begin to do it justice.
Our daughter is due January 6th in Ormond Beach, FL (right beside Daytona Beach). When we get the call, we will travel down either by car or by flight (depending on how last minute it is and how much the plane tickets are) and hopefully make it in time for the delivery. From there, the birth mother has to wait 48 hours before she can sign over rights. We will then have to stay in FL for up to 2 weeks for ICPC-which is a legal thing that allows us to leave FL and enter IN with our daughter. We will then travel back to IN (hopefully by flight) and begin the journey of raising our sweet girl.
To say we are excited would be an extreme understatement. We absolutely cannot wait to meet our daughter and bring her into our lives!! We are so so thankful to God for this sweet blessing in our lives. May He be glorified in this. This is a fun and exciting step on this beautiful journey!
There were lots of other things surrounding that day that I don't have time to go into right now, but for those few moments, all of those other things disappeared from my mind. I was going to be a mommy and Heath was going to be a daddy.
As she spoke those words to me I immediately started bawling. I look up at Heath and he is crying too. It was the phone call we had been waiting for. As soon as we got off the phone with her we hugged and spent some time praying. We praised God for allowing us to be chosen and for bringing this sweet baby girl into our lives. We prayed for her health and that she would continue to develop in the womb. We prayed for the birth mother, thanking God for her and praying for peace for her. There was so much to rejoice in.
We immediately started calling family and friends to tell them our exciting news. They were so excited. Many of them cried right along with us. Many of them have prayed this little girl into our lives. Two things I know for sure, this little girl is loved and this little girl has been prayed for.
I want to take a second and say THANK YOU to everyone who has prayed for us in this and who has generously given of your money so that we can bring our daughter home. There are no words to express our gratitude, seriously no words. Thank you doesn't even begin to do it justice.
Our daughter is due January 6th in Ormond Beach, FL (right beside Daytona Beach). When we get the call, we will travel down either by car or by flight (depending on how last minute it is and how much the plane tickets are) and hopefully make it in time for the delivery. From there, the birth mother has to wait 48 hours before she can sign over rights. We will then have to stay in FL for up to 2 weeks for ICPC-which is a legal thing that allows us to leave FL and enter IN with our daughter. We will then travel back to IN (hopefully by flight) and begin the journey of raising our sweet girl.
To say we are excited would be an extreme understatement. We absolutely cannot wait to meet our daughter and bring her into our lives!! We are so so thankful to God for this sweet blessing in our lives. May He be glorified in this. This is a fun and exciting step on this beautiful journey!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Don't Say That
People say a lot of weird things when they find out you are adopting. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people say lots of encouraging things, but some people say things that just bug me. I will say this on the front end, I think I really get the heart of why people say the things they say. I know they are trying to comfort and love on me, but a lot of times the things they say have no grounding. There is one thing in particular people say that absolutely drives me crazy. I will share what that is in a second, but let me put a few disclaimers out there. First, if you have said this to me or anyone else who is adopting, don't sweat it. There is tons of grace. To be honest, I have probably said it before to people. Second, I am not writing this to be harsh, I'm writing you to inform you that it's not the best thing to say (trust me I have been thinking for weeks how to write this post and not come across harsh)
Okay, here it is. I have people tell me this all the time: "You know as soon as you adopt you're going to get pregnant" Has that happened to other people before? Absolutely. Will it happen to other people in the future? I'm sure it will. Will it happen to me? I don't know and neither do you.
It just bugs me that people say that. For one, God has called us to adoption. It is the end goal for us, not pregnancy. If we were to get pregnant, we'd be thrilled, but if we never get pregnant that's okay with us. I'm not saying it wasn't a long, hard journey to get us to that place in our hearts, but we're there. Adoption is plan A, not plan B. If we found out tomorrow we were pregnant we would still adopt.
Another reason it bothers me when people say that is because they don't know the future. I know I will probably never get pregnant, but there are some families out there who are adopting and still hoping they will get pregnant. To tell a girl that she will probably get pregnant when she adopts is putting a seed of hope in her heart that just isn't right. You have no idea if she will ever get pregnant, only God does. Allow her to put her hope in God and in His perfect plan for her life (which may or may not include pregnancy), not in what you have heard has happened in the life of someone else.
Finally, it bothers me because it can come across (even though I really do know people don't mean it to) as if having biological children is better than having adopted children. A child is a child and everyone of them is made in the image of God. No matter if my kids are all adopted or some adopted and some biological, I will love them all the same. Just because I don't give birth to a child does not mean my heart isn't capable enough to love them just the same as if I had given birth to them.
Let me say this to close, I hope you hear my heart on this. Even as I am writing I am trying to discern if this is going to come across harsh. Please know that I in no way am trying to be harsh, I just want you to think about what you're saying. I know I say plenty of things that are unnecessary and probably hurtful to people and I just don't know it or don't think about it. If you don't know what to say to someone who is adopting (which I honestly think is the main reason people say the pregnancy thing) then just don't say anything or ask them where they are in the process or how it's going or ask what you can pray for them. Again, if you have said this to me I'm not using my blog to publicly call you out. I cannot name one person who has said it to me, I just know I hear it pretty regularly. I hope my heart is clear on this.
Okay, here it is. I have people tell me this all the time: "You know as soon as you adopt you're going to get pregnant" Has that happened to other people before? Absolutely. Will it happen to other people in the future? I'm sure it will. Will it happen to me? I don't know and neither do you.
It just bugs me that people say that. For one, God has called us to adoption. It is the end goal for us, not pregnancy. If we were to get pregnant, we'd be thrilled, but if we never get pregnant that's okay with us. I'm not saying it wasn't a long, hard journey to get us to that place in our hearts, but we're there. Adoption is plan A, not plan B. If we found out tomorrow we were pregnant we would still adopt.
Another reason it bothers me when people say that is because they don't know the future. I know I will probably never get pregnant, but there are some families out there who are adopting and still hoping they will get pregnant. To tell a girl that she will probably get pregnant when she adopts is putting a seed of hope in her heart that just isn't right. You have no idea if she will ever get pregnant, only God does. Allow her to put her hope in God and in His perfect plan for her life (which may or may not include pregnancy), not in what you have heard has happened in the life of someone else.
Finally, it bothers me because it can come across (even though I really do know people don't mean it to) as if having biological children is better than having adopted children. A child is a child and everyone of them is made in the image of God. No matter if my kids are all adopted or some adopted and some biological, I will love them all the same. Just because I don't give birth to a child does not mean my heart isn't capable enough to love them just the same as if I had given birth to them.
Let me say this to close, I hope you hear my heart on this. Even as I am writing I am trying to discern if this is going to come across harsh. Please know that I in no way am trying to be harsh, I just want you to think about what you're saying. I know I say plenty of things that are unnecessary and probably hurtful to people and I just don't know it or don't think about it. If you don't know what to say to someone who is adopting (which I honestly think is the main reason people say the pregnancy thing) then just don't say anything or ask them where they are in the process or how it's going or ask what you can pray for them. Again, if you have said this to me I'm not using my blog to publicly call you out. I cannot name one person who has said it to me, I just know I hear it pretty regularly. I hope my heart is clear on this.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Don't Waste It
This past weekend I was able to go the True Woman conference in downtown Indy (thanks Teri!). One of my favorite sessions was an interview with Joni Erickson Tada. If you don't know her story I will give you a little preview but really encourage you to read up on her. When she was 17 she was in a diving accident and she became a quadriplegic in a wheelchair, without the use of her hands. Her story is an unbelievable journey of how God has used her in the lives of people everywhere. Seriously, read up on her and be encouraged.
One of the things she said is "don't waste your suffering." I know John Piper has written something entitled "Don't Waste Your Cancer" that is similar. For me, hearing it live and in person from a woman who has experienced much suffering was just so challenging to me. This blog post is really for those of you who are going through infertility or any other type of suffering right now. I hope it encourages you and challenges you.
If I were on my own, and did not know or experience the grace of God daily in my life, I would waste my suffering. There are many days now that I want to waste my suffering and I am sure there are days I have wasted my suffering. But I don't want to waste it. Does that mean I never cry or never get upset? I don't think so. In fact, I think it's quite the opposite. Here are some ways I don't want to waste my suffering.
1. I want to use this time in my life to see how dependent I am on God. He is my strength and my refuge in time of need. He is my Rock and my Fortress. I cannot do this on my own. There are days when I just want to do absolutely nothing but have a pity party, but instead of a pity party I want to turn my attention to God and desperately cry out to Him to give me the grace I need to face each day. You see, the truth is I'm always dependent on God and I should always desperately call out to Him for grace to get through each day. When things are going great I often turn towards self sufficiency. So I want to use this hard time to train myself to continually turn to Him. So then hopefully when things are going well and when things are going bad, I will have trained myself to turn to Him.
2. I want to use this time in my life to ask the hard questions. So often I think we don't think it's okay to ask God the hard questions. Well, I have some hard questions that I need answered. I want to boldly ask Him because I know His answer will always point me back to Him. I don't want to be afraid to ask the hard questions of Him because I think it will show how weak my faith is. You know what, my faith is weak. I need to ask those hard questions so my faith will be strengthened and so that I can think correctly about Him.
3. I want to use this time in my life to cry out to God and to grow in my intimacy with Him. My heart hurts and He knows that it hurts. This can be such a sweet time of intimacy in my walk with Him as I allow Him to minister to the hurt places in my heart, just like a father would. If I don't cry out to Him, and when I say cry for me it often means literally crying, then how am I going to experience that intimacy with Him and how is He going to heal those places in my heart with His word and His grace and His love? I want to use this time to experience deep intimacy with Him. I have some sweet friends whose little girl was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor when she was 6 months old. They have seen her through brain surgery, chemo, a stem cell transplant and so much more. This past weekend I got to catch up with the mom for a few minutes and one thing she said to me was something to the effect of- I know God in a deeper way because we have been through this. I don't think I could have gotten to know Him like this if we hadn't been through this. Wow. I left so encouraged by her to use this hard season of life to know my God better.
Those are just a few ways I have thought about not wasting my infertility. Again, I am not saying my goal is to never cry or never be upset, but to allow God to work in my life during those times. If you are going through infertility or some other trial, I pray you won't waste it but allow Him to work mightily in your life. I pray the same thing for Heath and I as we go along on our beautiful journey.
One of the things she said is "don't waste your suffering." I know John Piper has written something entitled "Don't Waste Your Cancer" that is similar. For me, hearing it live and in person from a woman who has experienced much suffering was just so challenging to me. This blog post is really for those of you who are going through infertility or any other type of suffering right now. I hope it encourages you and challenges you.
If I were on my own, and did not know or experience the grace of God daily in my life, I would waste my suffering. There are many days now that I want to waste my suffering and I am sure there are days I have wasted my suffering. But I don't want to waste it. Does that mean I never cry or never get upset? I don't think so. In fact, I think it's quite the opposite. Here are some ways I don't want to waste my suffering.
1. I want to use this time in my life to see how dependent I am on God. He is my strength and my refuge in time of need. He is my Rock and my Fortress. I cannot do this on my own. There are days when I just want to do absolutely nothing but have a pity party, but instead of a pity party I want to turn my attention to God and desperately cry out to Him to give me the grace I need to face each day. You see, the truth is I'm always dependent on God and I should always desperately call out to Him for grace to get through each day. When things are going great I often turn towards self sufficiency. So I want to use this hard time to train myself to continually turn to Him. So then hopefully when things are going well and when things are going bad, I will have trained myself to turn to Him.
2. I want to use this time in my life to ask the hard questions. So often I think we don't think it's okay to ask God the hard questions. Well, I have some hard questions that I need answered. I want to boldly ask Him because I know His answer will always point me back to Him. I don't want to be afraid to ask the hard questions of Him because I think it will show how weak my faith is. You know what, my faith is weak. I need to ask those hard questions so my faith will be strengthened and so that I can think correctly about Him.
3. I want to use this time in my life to cry out to God and to grow in my intimacy with Him. My heart hurts and He knows that it hurts. This can be such a sweet time of intimacy in my walk with Him as I allow Him to minister to the hurt places in my heart, just like a father would. If I don't cry out to Him, and when I say cry for me it often means literally crying, then how am I going to experience that intimacy with Him and how is He going to heal those places in my heart with His word and His grace and His love? I want to use this time to experience deep intimacy with Him. I have some sweet friends whose little girl was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor when she was 6 months old. They have seen her through brain surgery, chemo, a stem cell transplant and so much more. This past weekend I got to catch up with the mom for a few minutes and one thing she said to me was something to the effect of- I know God in a deeper way because we have been through this. I don't think I could have gotten to know Him like this if we hadn't been through this. Wow. I left so encouraged by her to use this hard season of life to know my God better.
Those are just a few ways I have thought about not wasting my infertility. Again, I am not saying my goal is to never cry or never be upset, but to allow God to work in my life during those times. If you are going through infertility or some other trial, I pray you won't waste it but allow Him to work mightily in your life. I pray the same thing for Heath and I as we go along on our beautiful journey.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Ramblings of my heart...
Well, here is a post that I have been mulling over the last couple of days. How do I take all that is going on in my heart and explain it in a blog? I'm not sure but here's my best shot.
As you know we had our profile book presented 2 weeks ago today to a birth mom due Dec. 20th. We anxiously awaited news to hear if we had been chosen or not. You never know how long it is going to take to hear back so you just kind of anxiously wait around all day every day wondering if that will be the day. Needless to say my phone is pretty much attached to the palm of my hand and I will answer any number any time, I don't care what I am doing.
On Tuesday September 4th we got an email saying that the birth parents had narrowed it down to two families-us and another family-and that we would hear Friday and no later than Monday if we were chosen. I can't tell you what it does to your heart to hear that you made it to the top 2. I can't decide if it's better or worse to know that. In some ways it is better because you can pray more specifically, but in other ways it's worse because you're so close (by the way, this is not the first time we have been in the top 2, it's probably the 3rd time so I have had a lot of time to think about whether it's best to know or not).
Friday rolls around and no answer. Early that evening I get a phone call from Carlee saying they haven't made a decision and will for sure have an answer on Monday. I had to sub on Monday so I made sure to let Carlee and our agency know I wouldn't be able to answer the phone until after 3. I got out a little early so I gave Carlee a call. There was still no answer from the birth parents. I call the agency and they say the bp's are having a hard time deciding but they are going to try to get an answer. Monday turns into Tuesday and still no answer. Finally at about 11 a.m. Tuesday we hear that will make a decision at 1 p.m.
At 2:40ish I get a phone call from Carlee-this is it, the moment of truth. They picked the other family. What? Seriously? You're kidding? I think I asked Carlee those exact things. Seriously, we made it to the top 2 again and didn't get picked? Talk about heart wrenching. I then proceeded to bawl my eyes out. Did I mention I was in the Walmart parking lot when this all went down? So I proceed to drive home as I bawl my eyes out. Sweet Carlee listened and encouraged and reminded me of truth. I just cried. I got home and the poor dog we are dog-sitting didn't know what to make of me. I was a mess and could not control the sobbing. She would just look at me like "what's going on?"
It's been 3 days since we found out that yet again we didn't get chosen and I am still sad. I don't know what has made this one worse. I think I was just so hopeful. Whenever I am so hopeful the disappointment seems to increase. I so want to believe truth in those moments and have faith and trust God, but it's a battle. One sweet friend (a new friend here in Columbus, by the way-God has been sweet to give me friendships here) reminded me that ultimately I do trust Him and I do believe He is good but I have to take time to grieve what could have been. Those were the sweetest words to me.
I needed it to be okay for me to be sad and it was. I so often think I have to come to God put together. I have huge expectations on myself and how I should react in situations and when I don't react the way I think I should I am so disappointed in myself. I am thankful God gave her the grace that day to remind me to take some time to grieve, to fall apart before God. To come to Him as I was-sad and disappointed and full of questions. In a lot of ways I am still those 3 things.
So we will move forward from here. There are possibly some other opportunities that we will present to soon and there is another agency that we will be applying to next week. If you think of us, pray for us. We so desire to have children and to raise a family and the waiting is hard. I got a text from another sweet friend in response to the news that we hadn't been chosen that said "that sucks." That's how I feel a lot of times. It just sucks that we haven't been able to get pregnant and haven't gotten chosen to adopt a baby yet. Pray for us as we need so much of God's grace in our lives as we go along on this beautiful journey.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Presenting
I just realized I have never posted a blog about any of the times we have presented to birth moms. For those who don't know, presenting is where one of our agencies shows our profile book we made to expectant mothers. The mothers then take the profile books (usually they have 3-4 family's books), look them over for a few days and then pick a family to be the adoptive parents.
How it works for us is that we receive information about the birth parents. The information includes a little bit about them, their medical history, their family medical history and why they are wanting to give the child up for adoption. Most of the time they give the child up because they cannot provide financially or emotionally for the child. We then get to say yes or no. The reasons we would say no include drug or alcohol use, genetic disorders and things like that. If we say yes then our book is presented.
From there it is a waiting game (have I mentioned I don't like to wait?). The birth mother/parents have several days (sometimes a week or longer) to decide who they want to choose. That's the hard part for us! It's like we know our book is out there and someone is making a huge decision and we so badly want it to be us. It's a really weird feeling. I have come to realize though that it is ultimately not her/them making the decision, it's God. He is going to choose our baby for us. That doesn't always make the waiting easier or the "no" easier to hear, but it's good for me to take myself back to that.
We have had our profile book presented five times and five times we have been told no. To be honest, at times it makes you wonder if something is wrong with you. It is also very humbling. Heath and I think we are awesome and why wouldn't you pick us (sad, but true that we think that) so to not get picked is humbling. This is also a good time to remember that it is God who is the One picking.
This Friday we will present for the sixth time. It is to a birth mother in Florida who is having a little boy due December 20th. What a great Christmas present that would be for us huh?? To be honest it makes me feel a little vulnerable to share with everyone that we are presenting because if we get told no then everyone will know. If we get told yes trust me EVERYONE will know. We will be shouting it from the rooftops! I have come to realize though that not sharing when we are presenting is my pride. I don't want everyone to know, because I don't want everyone to know if we get rejected. I said from the beginning of this blog that I wanted to be open and real with where God has us and what He is doing so to exclude this part of our story here on the blog doesn't make much sense. This is real, and there are real emotions involved.
So here's the deal, over the next few days we need lots of prayers. Please pray that we will trust the Lord and that we will be surrendered to His timing and His plan for us. I also ask you to pray that we will get chosen. To be honest, I sometimes don't know how to get those two concepts to go together in my heart. I want what I want but I also want what He wants. Pray we will want what He wants more. I will keep you updated. If you don't hear anything in the next week and a half or so you can assume we didn't get chosen (I will post about it on here either way when I get a chance but we are closing on our house on Friday and will be in full work mode the next two weeks so I don't know if I will get a chance to post or not) If we do get chosen trust me when I say you will know! Thanks to all those who pray for us. We are in desperate need of His grace as we go along on our beautiful journey.
How it works for us is that we receive information about the birth parents. The information includes a little bit about them, their medical history, their family medical history and why they are wanting to give the child up for adoption. Most of the time they give the child up because they cannot provide financially or emotionally for the child. We then get to say yes or no. The reasons we would say no include drug or alcohol use, genetic disorders and things like that. If we say yes then our book is presented.
From there it is a waiting game (have I mentioned I don't like to wait?). The birth mother/parents have several days (sometimes a week or longer) to decide who they want to choose. That's the hard part for us! It's like we know our book is out there and someone is making a huge decision and we so badly want it to be us. It's a really weird feeling. I have come to realize though that it is ultimately not her/them making the decision, it's God. He is going to choose our baby for us. That doesn't always make the waiting easier or the "no" easier to hear, but it's good for me to take myself back to that.
We have had our profile book presented five times and five times we have been told no. To be honest, at times it makes you wonder if something is wrong with you. It is also very humbling. Heath and I think we are awesome and why wouldn't you pick us (sad, but true that we think that) so to not get picked is humbling. This is also a good time to remember that it is God who is the One picking.
This Friday we will present for the sixth time. It is to a birth mother in Florida who is having a little boy due December 20th. What a great Christmas present that would be for us huh?? To be honest it makes me feel a little vulnerable to share with everyone that we are presenting because if we get told no then everyone will know. If we get told yes trust me EVERYONE will know. We will be shouting it from the rooftops! I have come to realize though that not sharing when we are presenting is my pride. I don't want everyone to know, because I don't want everyone to know if we get rejected. I said from the beginning of this blog that I wanted to be open and real with where God has us and what He is doing so to exclude this part of our story here on the blog doesn't make much sense. This is real, and there are real emotions involved.
So here's the deal, over the next few days we need lots of prayers. Please pray that we will trust the Lord and that we will be surrendered to His timing and His plan for us. I also ask you to pray that we will get chosen. To be honest, I sometimes don't know how to get those two concepts to go together in my heart. I want what I want but I also want what He wants. Pray we will want what He wants more. I will keep you updated. If you don't hear anything in the next week and a half or so you can assume we didn't get chosen (I will post about it on here either way when I get a chance but we are closing on our house on Friday and will be in full work mode the next two weeks so I don't know if I will get a chance to post or not) If we do get chosen trust me when I say you will know! Thanks to all those who pray for us. We are in desperate need of His grace as we go along on our beautiful journey.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Just Waiting
I feel like anytime someone asks how the adoption process is going, my answer is always "just waiting." We are just waiting for the opportunity for our profile book to be shown, just waiting for a birth mother to choose us, just waiting to bring our baby home. Just waiting. And waiting some more.
I know that God has perfect timing, but waiting is just hard. His timing doesn't always seems perfect when you want something so bad. I want to be a mom now. I want Heath to get to be a dad now. I don't want to wait.
Today I started thinking about Hebrews 11-you know the faith chapter that talks about the men and women of the Bible who walked by faith. I started thinking about how all of them walked by faith but didn't see what they had been promised. Verses 13 says "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth." They waited and waited yet they didn't get to see what God promised. They just walked by faith and trusted that He would do it. I want to wait on Him and trust that He is going to do it. I see how even as they waited they were obedient and surrendered to Him.
I want to be like that. I want to wait, and walk by faith that God will do this. And I know He will, it's just not on my time table. So I will keep waiting and fighting to walk by faith.
So as far as an adoption update, we're just waiting :)
I know that God has perfect timing, but waiting is just hard. His timing doesn't always seems perfect when you want something so bad. I want to be a mom now. I want Heath to get to be a dad now. I don't want to wait.
Today I started thinking about Hebrews 11-you know the faith chapter that talks about the men and women of the Bible who walked by faith. I started thinking about how all of them walked by faith but didn't see what they had been promised. Verses 13 says "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth." They waited and waited yet they didn't get to see what God promised. They just walked by faith and trusted that He would do it. I want to wait on Him and trust that He is going to do it. I see how even as they waited they were obedient and surrendered to Him.
I want to be like that. I want to wait, and walk by faith that God will do this. And I know He will, it's just not on my time table. So I will keep waiting and fighting to walk by faith.
So as far as an adoption update, we're just waiting :)
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Our New House
That's right folks, three days after we closed on our house in West Lafayette we put on offer on another house here in Columbus. You might be thinking to yourself- you're crazy. I agree. Heath and I like to call our life "crazy town" but when God orchestrates something, you have to walk into it. It is unbelievable to us how God so ordained for us to have this house. Let me tell you the story.
The housing market in Columbus is unlike anything I have ever experienced. A house will go on the market and a day or two later it will be sale pending. That's not the case for all houses of course, but usually there is a good reason for that. So finding a house hasn't been the easiest of things for us. We have looked at every house in our price range and there was nothing. There was one house that was on the market that we really wanted to look at before we went under contract on our WL house, but we had decided not to look here until we were under contract there. Of course by the time we were ready to look-Sale Pending. Bummer.
Last Wednesday we set it up with our real estate agent to go look at a house. He said another one had just come on the market that he wanted to show us too. I wasn't thrilled about either of them just from looking at the pictures so I wasn't super excited to go see them. We show up at the first house and our real estate agent tells us that the house we really wanted to see when we first moved here but was Sale Pending was about to be put back on the market because the finances fell through. How did he know? He was the listing agent. No one else knew it was about to come on the market. He asked us if we wanted to go see it last and we said YES!
We went to look at the second house he had lined up for us and while we were there the seller of the other house called our agent. The people who were going to buy it wanted to rent it from him until they could get their financing in order. They were going to pay his mortgage. Our agent told him he was about to show it to us and he would call back.
We walk into the house and we love it!! Did I mention it is in one of our favorite neighborhoods? It has a great floor plan with four bedrooms so we can grow into it and it is way under our top dollar of our budget. We have a decision to make. The guy needs to know the next day if we are going to put on offer on it because he moved and needs his mortgage to be covered so if we don't want it, it's going to go back to the original buyer. That stresses me out! I do not like making rushed decisions like that.
As we prayed about it and thought through it, it became clear that this is the house God wanted for us. No other agent would have know it was going back on the market, no other agent would have the key to get in (the key box was already gone from the sale pending), we set up a time to go look at a house we knew we didn't really want and it "happened" to be in the 1 hour window before the seller rented it, this was of God.
The house is going to be perfect for us. There are lots of cosmetic things that this house needs, but nothing a little TLC can't help. We will close the end of August, get some things done the first few weeks of September and hopefully be in it mid-late September. We are so thankful for God's provision in this! Here is a sneak peak of what it looks like.
The housing market in Columbus is unlike anything I have ever experienced. A house will go on the market and a day or two later it will be sale pending. That's not the case for all houses of course, but usually there is a good reason for that. So finding a house hasn't been the easiest of things for us. We have looked at every house in our price range and there was nothing. There was one house that was on the market that we really wanted to look at before we went under contract on our WL house, but we had decided not to look here until we were under contract there. Of course by the time we were ready to look-Sale Pending. Bummer.
Last Wednesday we set it up with our real estate agent to go look at a house. He said another one had just come on the market that he wanted to show us too. I wasn't thrilled about either of them just from looking at the pictures so I wasn't super excited to go see them. We show up at the first house and our real estate agent tells us that the house we really wanted to see when we first moved here but was Sale Pending was about to be put back on the market because the finances fell through. How did he know? He was the listing agent. No one else knew it was about to come on the market. He asked us if we wanted to go see it last and we said YES!
We went to look at the second house he had lined up for us and while we were there the seller of the other house called our agent. The people who were going to buy it wanted to rent it from him until they could get their financing in order. They were going to pay his mortgage. Our agent told him he was about to show it to us and he would call back.
We walk into the house and we love it!! Did I mention it is in one of our favorite neighborhoods? It has a great floor plan with four bedrooms so we can grow into it and it is way under our top dollar of our budget. We have a decision to make. The guy needs to know the next day if we are going to put on offer on it because he moved and needs his mortgage to be covered so if we don't want it, it's going to go back to the original buyer. That stresses me out! I do not like making rushed decisions like that.
As we prayed about it and thought through it, it became clear that this is the house God wanted for us. No other agent would have know it was going back on the market, no other agent would have the key to get in (the key box was already gone from the sale pending), we set up a time to go look at a house we knew we didn't really want and it "happened" to be in the 1 hour window before the seller rented it, this was of God.
The house is going to be perfect for us. There are lots of cosmetic things that this house needs, but nothing a little TLC can't help. We will close the end of August, get some things done the first few weeks of September and hopefully be in it mid-late September. We are so thankful for God's provision in this! Here is a sneak peak of what it looks like.
Now all we need is sweet Baby Racine to bring home!! So thankful for God providing this house as we go along on this beautiful journey!
Friday, August 3, 2012
Adoption and the Gospel
God has been teaching me so much lately about adoption and the direct correlation with the gospel. There have been several times where it has just been a sweet reminder for me.
First, God Himself adopted me into His family. I once was not adopted. Because of my sin and my rebellion I was an enemy of God. Colossians 1:21 says "Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior."I was not part of God's family, I was alienated. That's bad news, but verse 22 goes on to say "But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation--" God sent Christ into this world to be my substitute. He took my sin on Himself so that I could be right with God and be brought into His family. It was nothing I did, it was all Him.
Secondly, I think about how much this adoption is going to cost us. I have to confess I often worry about it and wonder how we are going to make it happen. Two things about the gospel God has shown me through finances. One is that no matter how much I think this is costing us, it cost God more to adopt me into His family. He had to give His only Son and then pour out His wrath on Him to make me right with God. That's a high cost. I don't care how much this adoption costs us, it will never compare to how much it cost God. I just can't imagine. Even though it is costing us a lot to adopt, I am gladly doing it in order to receive a child and love that child (and I would spend as much as I had to). It's the same way with God. He knew the cost and He did it anyway so that I could be called His. The second thing God is teaching me about the gospel when it comes to finances is His unbelievable provision for us. We are within $850 of our goal for what we needed to raise. He has used countless people to allow that to happen. It has over and over again been an evidence of His grace in our lives.
Finally, (I say finally, but I know I have so much more to learn) I see the love of God for me a little more clearly. To be honest, I really struggle to understand God's love for me. That's a different post for a different day, but suffice it to say I struggle. Through this whole process I have been reminded of the deep love God has for His children. I have no idea where our baby is or who he/she is, but I already love him/her so much. I can't wait to call baby Racine my own. God is the same way, He delights in us being His.
I feel like I so poorly stated all of that and know that I will continually go deeper in my understanding of the gospel. I would not have signed up for this, but God has used our adoption process to teach me a lot about Him and about the gospel. For that I am thankful. God really does have us on a beautiful journey!
First, God Himself adopted me into His family. I once was not adopted. Because of my sin and my rebellion I was an enemy of God. Colossians 1:21 says "Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior."I was not part of God's family, I was alienated. That's bad news, but verse 22 goes on to say "But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation--" God sent Christ into this world to be my substitute. He took my sin on Himself so that I could be right with God and be brought into His family. It was nothing I did, it was all Him.
Secondly, I think about how much this adoption is going to cost us. I have to confess I often worry about it and wonder how we are going to make it happen. Two things about the gospel God has shown me through finances. One is that no matter how much I think this is costing us, it cost God more to adopt me into His family. He had to give His only Son and then pour out His wrath on Him to make me right with God. That's a high cost. I don't care how much this adoption costs us, it will never compare to how much it cost God. I just can't imagine. Even though it is costing us a lot to adopt, I am gladly doing it in order to receive a child and love that child (and I would spend as much as I had to). It's the same way with God. He knew the cost and He did it anyway so that I could be called His. The second thing God is teaching me about the gospel when it comes to finances is His unbelievable provision for us. We are within $850 of our goal for what we needed to raise. He has used countless people to allow that to happen. It has over and over again been an evidence of His grace in our lives.
Finally, (I say finally, but I know I have so much more to learn) I see the love of God for me a little more clearly. To be honest, I really struggle to understand God's love for me. That's a different post for a different day, but suffice it to say I struggle. Through this whole process I have been reminded of the deep love God has for His children. I have no idea where our baby is or who he/she is, but I already love him/her so much. I can't wait to call baby Racine my own. God is the same way, He delights in us being His.
I feel like I so poorly stated all of that and know that I will continually go deeper in my understanding of the gospel. I would not have signed up for this, but God has used our adoption process to teach me a lot about Him and about the gospel. For that I am thankful. God really does have us on a beautiful journey!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Birthday Celebration
My birthday is in the middle of June and my (step)sister's birthday is at the end of July so for the last two summers my dad and step-mom have come up to Indiana to celebrate with us. It is such a fun treat to have them come up and spoil us for a few days. They stopped in Columbus on Friday night and we went out to eat with Heath's parents. On Saturday they left and went to Indy. Heath and I went up that night so we could all celebrate together. We of course documented the evening...
Heath and Andrew showing off their "pregnant" bellies too
My sister is having her first baby in November. Can't wait to meet my nephew!
Heath and Andrew showing off their "pregnant" bellies too
My dad and I
We are so thankful they were able to come up!
3 years
Last week Heath and I celebrated our three year anniversary. It is so hard to believe that 3 years has already gone by. Where does the time go? I am beyond blessed to be the wife to this amazing man. He is so loving and good to me. I realize how much of a blessing he is to me.
For my birthday/anniversary present, Heath got us tickets to Cirque Du Soleil. Oh my word, it was amazing!!! If you have never been you have to go. It is unbelievable. We went right in between my birthday and anniversary so it was great timing. We went out to eat and then headed up to Indy for the show. It was such a great present. Here are some pictures from our outing that night and on our actual anniversary:
So thankful to have spent these last 3 years being Heath's wife!
On a side note, we forgot to eat our cake from our wedding on our fist and second anniversary so why not our third?!? Heath was less than thrilled to do this, but let me tell you that cake was just as good 3 years later as it was the day we first ate it.
Looking forward to many more years together!
For my birthday/anniversary present, Heath got us tickets to Cirque Du Soleil. Oh my word, it was amazing!!! If you have never been you have to go. It is unbelievable. We went right in between my birthday and anniversary so it was great timing. We went out to eat and then headed up to Indy for the show. It was such a great present. Here are some pictures from our outing that night and on our actual anniversary:
So thankful to have spent these last 3 years being Heath's wife!
On a side note, we forgot to eat our cake from our wedding on our fist and second anniversary so why not our third?!? Heath was less than thrilled to do this, but let me tell you that cake was just as good 3 years later as it was the day we first ate it.
Looking forward to many more years together!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Update on our life...
Sorry again that I haven't really updated in a while. Here is the update of the last few weeks...
First of all, we are under contract on our house in West Lafayette!!!!!!!!!! I don't think I can do enough exclamation points. We are so thrilled. We are suppose to close on July 30th so we are praying all goes well! It's funny because the last time I wrote a real post I talked about how God was telling us no for everything (our house selling included) He sold it that week!! It was so refreshing for us to see God do that.
God has also provided for us here in that Heath's dad is allowing us to stay with him (which means no double mortgage-how do people afford that anyway?) God has also opened up another neat opportunity here for us when it comes to housing. Our sweet friends the Magnuson's are going to be going to China for 3 months for his work and have offered for us to stay in their house while they are gone! What a neat way for God to provide for us. We are super bummed they will be leaving because they're our only real friends here right now, but we are extremely grateful for their generosity and graciousness to us. So next week we will be moving into their house!
During the time we are living there we are going to be looking for a house. We have already started looking at houses, but haven't really found anything that we like or that we think is a good deal. We are thankful that we don't have to be in a hurry to find something and that we can take our time and be patient.
As far as the adoption, there's been no real progress. We had our profile book presented twice this week and were told no both times. It's hard to explain how it feels. On one hand we know God has perfect timing and He has the perfect baby for us, but on the other hand it's just hard and sad. We want to be parents so bad and want to bring our sweet baby home and it's just hard when we get told no. We have only presented 4 times and most people present a lot more than that so we are prepared, but it doesn't mean we're not disappointed at the same time. We also know that we have to buckle in for the long haul and can't expect it to go fast, but it's still disappointing. In a weird way it's like infertility. Every month I would hope I was pregnant only to be disappointed. Every time we present I hope we get chose and every time I have been disappointed. It's the whole hope and disappointment cycle.
I think I get a little cynical too in all of it too. I think "it figures we didn't get picked." I know that is not at all the correct response. Part of me wonders if it's just a defense mechanism for me-I'm still checking my heart on all of that. I see how it leads me to not think correctly about God. Instead of trusting Him and being surrendered to Him I am questioning Him. My prayer the last two days is that God will allow me to think correctly about Him. I so want my heart and my mind to be set on Him and to be correct. Can you pray that for me as well? If anyone has any verses or thoughts on that I would love to hear-text me, message me on Facebook, leave a comment on here, etc. I need all the help I can get to believe truth!
We recognize and see that God is being good to us in all of this, but it is also a struggle. We are thankful for all we are learning but also need lots of prayer as we go along on this beautiful journey!
Friday, July 6, 2012
Inconsistent
I want to apologize for my inconsistency in posting updates on here. Who knew living without internet would effect so many things in my life?? My plan was to update it today with a long post, but that's not going to happen. I will post soon though! For now, just continue praying for us!!
Friday, June 22, 2012
Hard Week
This week has been hard for me in a lot of different ways. I think it is starting to hit me that we really aren't moving back to West Lafayette. Don't get me wrong, I really like Columbus and I am sure I will grow to love it just like I did West Lafayette. I think it's just hitting me that we are starting over. We will have to find a church, make new friends, find a house and all the other things that go along with moving. God has been so gracious to us though to give us friends here who we were friends with in Lafayette. They have made our transition so much easier and it also helps that Heath's parents are here. Both of those things make us not feel so alone in this new city for us.
I think another reason it has been hard is that I feel like I have had a bad view of God. I want to say from the beginning that I know this isn't a correct view and that He really is doing so much, but this is how I have felt the last few weeks: I feel like God is just saying "no" to everything. We have begged Him for a long time to allow us to get pregnant and the answer for now is no. We have asked Him to allow us to get picked by birth mothers who we have presented to and His answer so far is no. We begged Him to allow us to stay in West Lafayette and the answer was no. We have been asking Him to sell our house and the answer so far has been no. Now I know God is doing a lot more than I can see (check out my post a few weeks ago), but it just seems like all the tangible things He is saying "no" to. I confess I have a tendency to get a bit cynical so this has not been good for me. I start questioning God and His character. I feel like the two big things we are trusting Him for is a baby and our house to sell and it's just hard for me that He is not allowing either. I think mostly it's hard because I want to control both of those things and I can't.
The other day Heath and I were talking about God and His timing and I just admitted that I don't like God's timing. I want a baby like yesterday and I want our house to sell today. I know I will look back and see God's perfect timing in all of this in the years to come, but right now I don't really like the waiting. I do know that God is doing so much in our hearts during this time and even though right now I think I would like the tangible things more, I know in years to come I will feel beyond grateful for all He has done in our hearts during this part of our beautiful journey.
I think another reason it has been hard is that I feel like I have had a bad view of God. I want to say from the beginning that I know this isn't a correct view and that He really is doing so much, but this is how I have felt the last few weeks: I feel like God is just saying "no" to everything. We have begged Him for a long time to allow us to get pregnant and the answer for now is no. We have asked Him to allow us to get picked by birth mothers who we have presented to and His answer so far is no. We begged Him to allow us to stay in West Lafayette and the answer was no. We have been asking Him to sell our house and the answer so far has been no. Now I know God is doing a lot more than I can see (check out my post a few weeks ago), but it just seems like all the tangible things He is saying "no" to. I confess I have a tendency to get a bit cynical so this has not been good for me. I start questioning God and His character. I feel like the two big things we are trusting Him for is a baby and our house to sell and it's just hard for me that He is not allowing either. I think mostly it's hard because I want to control both of those things and I can't.
The other day Heath and I were talking about God and His timing and I just admitted that I don't like God's timing. I want a baby like yesterday and I want our house to sell today. I know I will look back and see God's perfect timing in all of this in the years to come, but right now I don't really like the waiting. I do know that God is doing so much in our hearts during this time and even though right now I think I would like the tangible things more, I know in years to come I will feel beyond grateful for all He has done in our hearts during this part of our beautiful journey.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Prayer Requests
We wanted to share some specific things you can be praying for us:
1. We would trust God's timing in every aspect of our lives.
2. We would transition well to Columbus and find a church we can plug in to.
3. There would be birth mothers that meet our criteria that we can have a profile presented to.
4. Our house in West Lafayette would sell.
I know this is a short post and the posts have been sporadic lately, but we don't have consistent internet right now. Thank you for following our blog!!
1. We would trust God's timing in every aspect of our lives.
2. We would transition well to Columbus and find a church we can plug in to.
3. There would be birth mothers that meet our criteria that we can have a profile presented to.
4. Our house in West Lafayette would sell.
I know this is a short post and the posts have been sporadic lately, but we don't have consistent internet right now. Thank you for following our blog!!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Columbus here we come!
Let me start off by saying we L-O-V-E living in West Lafayette. Actually, I don't know the word love does it justice. God has been so sweet to us there. We love our friends, love our church and love our neighbors. All that to say, moving to Columbus was not on our agenda, but it was clearly on God's.
I will start from the beginning. Over Thanksgiving break Heath's dad (his parents live in Columbus) approached us about the idea of moving to Columbus to work with Mariah Foods. His dad is the VP of Sales and they were wanting to get some younger people in there. Heath said we would think about it. My initial reaction: thanks but no thanks. I was not interested in moving. I loved everything about where we were and felt like we were finally settled. Heath was interested in the job and as far as getting experience and training it was by far the best opportunity he could ever hope for. We knew we had some time because we couldn't sell our house until the end of May because of some tax reasons.
About the same time, Heath started wondering if his current job was something he really wanted to do long term. As the weeks went by it became more and more apparent that it wasn't the right fit for him. We are so thankful he had that job and can see how God used it and are beyond thankful that he even had a job, we just knew it was time for a change. God started to do some really interesting things. All of a sudden all these jobs started popping up-he wasn't actively looking, they just kept coming up, people were asking him to interview. We were thrilled and just prayed God would open up the right door and close all the other ones. We pretty much told his dad we weren't interested in the job in Columbus and would probably take one of the ones in Lafayette because that's where we wanted to stay.
Wouldn't you know that not only did God not open the doors for any of the jobs in Lafayette, he slammed the doors shut and continued to open the doors for Columbus. My reaction: thanks but no thanks. I seriously was not at all interested in moving there-other than the fact that it put us closer (okay so we're living in their houses close) to his parents and it would put me 2 hours closer to my family (which would make a weekend trip doable-yay!)
Heath continued to interview with different companies in Lafayette and God just kept shutting the doors. So in the beginning of April we realized that it wasn't good for him to be at his job for much longer (lots of stress, long hours, he didn't love it) and we needed to make a move. I kept telling Heath he needed to actively be searching for something and his response was something to the effect of "why would I look for the exact same job I've been offered in Columbus-which is what I want to be doing-knowing that I will never be able to find it because I really don't have the experience." Well said, Heath, well said.
And that was all it took for me to get on board. I didn't want to move to Columbus and I still like to think it's not real-kind of like we are just taking a little break and we will be back to life as we knew it in no time. But here's the thing, Heath provides for me in a way that allows me to be home (which I am especially looking forward to when Baby Racine joins us-hopefully sometime soon), so I want him to love what he's doing. It is a small sacrifice to me to uproot my life so that he can love his job. I'm in no way saying that it's easy for me to uproot my life and there have already been and will continue to be challenges that come along with it, but it is a way I can serve him. And you know what? He loves his job. He is like a whole new person.
So here we are in Columbus, IN, living back and forth between his mom's and his dad's and trying to figure out what the Lord has for us here. It was so clearly Him moving us here. I have all kinds of questions-where will we go to church, will I have friends like I did in West Lafayette, in what ways can I minister to people, how long before our house sells and we can buy a new one, where is the ______(fill in the blank because I don't know where anything is!!) and so on and so on. But when we moved to West Lafayette I had many of the same questions and I didn't really want to live there, but God did it. He gave me some of my best friends, He gave us an unbelievable church and you know what? He'll do it again.
The past two years have been full of unexpected faith steps, but we will keep taking them all along this beautiful journey!
I will start from the beginning. Over Thanksgiving break Heath's dad (his parents live in Columbus) approached us about the idea of moving to Columbus to work with Mariah Foods. His dad is the VP of Sales and they were wanting to get some younger people in there. Heath said we would think about it. My initial reaction: thanks but no thanks. I was not interested in moving. I loved everything about where we were and felt like we were finally settled. Heath was interested in the job and as far as getting experience and training it was by far the best opportunity he could ever hope for. We knew we had some time because we couldn't sell our house until the end of May because of some tax reasons.
About the same time, Heath started wondering if his current job was something he really wanted to do long term. As the weeks went by it became more and more apparent that it wasn't the right fit for him. We are so thankful he had that job and can see how God used it and are beyond thankful that he even had a job, we just knew it was time for a change. God started to do some really interesting things. All of a sudden all these jobs started popping up-he wasn't actively looking, they just kept coming up, people were asking him to interview. We were thrilled and just prayed God would open up the right door and close all the other ones. We pretty much told his dad we weren't interested in the job in Columbus and would probably take one of the ones in Lafayette because that's where we wanted to stay.
Wouldn't you know that not only did God not open the doors for any of the jobs in Lafayette, he slammed the doors shut and continued to open the doors for Columbus. My reaction: thanks but no thanks. I seriously was not at all interested in moving there-other than the fact that it put us closer (okay so we're living in their houses close) to his parents and it would put me 2 hours closer to my family (which would make a weekend trip doable-yay!)
Heath continued to interview with different companies in Lafayette and God just kept shutting the doors. So in the beginning of April we realized that it wasn't good for him to be at his job for much longer (lots of stress, long hours, he didn't love it) and we needed to make a move. I kept telling Heath he needed to actively be searching for something and his response was something to the effect of "why would I look for the exact same job I've been offered in Columbus-which is what I want to be doing-knowing that I will never be able to find it because I really don't have the experience." Well said, Heath, well said.
And that was all it took for me to get on board. I didn't want to move to Columbus and I still like to think it's not real-kind of like we are just taking a little break and we will be back to life as we knew it in no time. But here's the thing, Heath provides for me in a way that allows me to be home (which I am especially looking forward to when Baby Racine joins us-hopefully sometime soon), so I want him to love what he's doing. It is a small sacrifice to me to uproot my life so that he can love his job. I'm in no way saying that it's easy for me to uproot my life and there have already been and will continue to be challenges that come along with it, but it is a way I can serve him. And you know what? He loves his job. He is like a whole new person.
So here we are in Columbus, IN, living back and forth between his mom's and his dad's and trying to figure out what the Lord has for us here. It was so clearly Him moving us here. I have all kinds of questions-where will we go to church, will I have friends like I did in West Lafayette, in what ways can I minister to people, how long before our house sells and we can buy a new one, where is the ______(fill in the blank because I don't know where anything is!!) and so on and so on. But when we moved to West Lafayette I had many of the same questions and I didn't really want to live there, but God did it. He gave me some of my best friends, He gave us an unbelievable church and you know what? He'll do it again.
The past two years have been full of unexpected faith steps, but we will keep taking them all along this beautiful journey!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
How to Help
A lot of people have been asking how to help us in this adoption process. Let me share a few ways with you:
1. Pray. Seriously we need all the prayers we can get. Specifically you can pray that we will trust God and His timing in all of this. I've said it before and I'll say it again-we really want a baby, but more than that we want our hearts to be warm towards God and we want to trust Him more. Will you pray that for us?
2. Donate money. As I have written before, adoption is crazy expensive. By God's grace we have raised a lot of money towards our adoption, but we still need more. I know some of you aren't in a position to give money or may not want to and that is totally fine, but for many of you I know you have asked about it so I thought I would just put the details on here. Every little bit helps! There are a few ways to donate money so I will list them and then if you decide that's something you want to do, you can choose what works for you.
way. First, it is tax deductible. Second, Paypal
will take about 3% of your donation for
processing fees. Third, you must donate by
July 17th (that is the deadline they gave us)
1. Pray. Seriously we need all the prayers we can get. Specifically you can pray that we will trust God and His timing in all of this. I've said it before and I'll say it again-we really want a baby, but more than that we want our hearts to be warm towards God and we want to trust Him more. Will you pray that for us?
2. Donate money. As I have written before, adoption is crazy expensive. By God's grace we have raised a lot of money towards our adoption, but we still need more. I know some of you aren't in a position to give money or may not want to and that is totally fine, but for many of you I know you have asked about it so I thought I would just put the details on here. Every little bit helps! There are a few ways to donate money so I will list them and then if you decide that's something you want to do, you can choose what works for you.
- Donate through Paypal. Right under the picture of Heath and I there is a button that says "Donate." If you click that button it will take you to our account with Lifesong for Orphans, an organization where you can donate and it is tax deductible. You just go there, make sure it says our name in the blue box, add your credit card info and follow their instructions from there.
way. First, it is tax deductible. Second, Paypal
will take about 3% of your donation for
processing fees. Third, you must donate by
July 17th (that is the deadline they gave us)
- Donate by mailing a check. There are also a few ways to do this. If you want it to be tax deductible then you can mail it to Lifesong at:
Attn: Racine2798
PO Box 40
Gridley, IL 61744
Please put Racine 2798 in the memo line of the
check. Again, you must donate by July 17th.
check. Again, you must donate by July 17th.
If you don't need it to be tax deductible and would
rather send a check just to us (we will use it for
travel expenses and any fees that we will owe at
the end) then please email me at
theracinefamily@gmail.com or message me on
Facebook and I can give you our address.
rather send a check just to us (we will use it for
travel expenses and any fees that we will owe at
the end) then please email me at
theracinefamily@gmail.com or message me on
Facebook and I can give you our address.
3. Donate frequent flyer miles/hotel points. That may seem odd, but we will have to travel to pick up our little one and most of the states are not within driving distance so we will have to fly. There is also a time period of up to two weeks that we will have to stay in that state until some legal things are taken care of. Up to two weeks in a hotel can get expensive fast. Both of those things would be super helpful to us. If you are interested in that, please email or Facebook me.
I'm sure there are lots of other ways that you can help, these are just the major ones we can think of right now.
Let me take a second to explain why we have asked people to give. We believe adoption is the heart of God. Each of us who are believers have been adopted into His family, so by us adopting a child, we are able to be a picture of the gospel not only to our child but also to those around us (even ourselves). In James 1:27 it says: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." We are called by God to take care of orphans. We really view this as a ministry opportunity and are thankful God has called us to this. We tell you about ways to help so that you can also be a part of this ministry. We understand that not everyone will give, but we can all pray. There is no pressure to give in any way, but we really do beg you to pray for us.
I hope I explained our heart in all this and that no one feels any presssure. We just wanted the people who wanted to know what to do to know how to do it!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Not What I Thought
One of the things that has been really hard for me as I go through infertility and even the adoption process is reconciling Scripture with my circumstances and feelings. I think the verses that have been especially hard for me are ones about asking God for something, Him hearing and then Him providing. Now I know that God doesn't say yes to us all the time-he's not a vending machine where we just put our requests in and out comes the answer we want and He's not like Santa Clause where I go to Him and tell Him my wish list and then one day they all suddenly appear. But God loves children and He says they are a blessing from Him. So why wouldn't He want us to be able to have them on our own? I have often felt like God was not hearing me.
Insert here my day of extended time with God. You know the day I studied John 15. I wrote about what I learned about pruning from verse 2, but God was not done with me that day. John 15:7 says: "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." My gut reaction was "yeah right." I have a tendency to be a bit cynical! I asked God that day to show me what it meant to abide in Him and I do really want to know what that looks like, but that's not the biggest thing God showed me from this verse. The thing that He convicted my heart over is that even if it feels like He is not doing whatever I wish even though I am abiding in Him, He is doing what I wish.
No, He isn't allowing me to get pregnant or have a baby in my arms right now, but that is not the only prayer I have been praying in the last few years. As I look back at my journals from about 2-3 years ago one of the main things I was praying for my life is that I would recognize my dependence on Him. Whether I feel like it or not, I am dependent, but I wanted to sense my dependence. Well you know what? I wished for that it was done for me. I have never felt more needy for God or more dependent on Him than I have in the past year. I have a sense of dependency. I also have been praying that I will continually be surrendered to His will for my life. Well guess what, infertility is not my will and to be honest neither was adoption (it is now though!), but it is His and I have to be surrendered to that. I feel like daily I am surrendering my desire for a child to Him and asking for His help in trusting His plan.
When I first read verse 7 that day, I was upset in my heart. I am so thankful that God showed me that He is answering my prayers. It may not be my prayer for a child right now, but He is being faithful to answer and to conform me more to the image of Christ. I am thankful that I can "ask whatever I wish, and it will be done for me."
Insert here my day of extended time with God. You know the day I studied John 15. I wrote about what I learned about pruning from verse 2, but God was not done with me that day. John 15:7 says: "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." My gut reaction was "yeah right." I have a tendency to be a bit cynical! I asked God that day to show me what it meant to abide in Him and I do really want to know what that looks like, but that's not the biggest thing God showed me from this verse. The thing that He convicted my heart over is that even if it feels like He is not doing whatever I wish even though I am abiding in Him, He is doing what I wish.
No, He isn't allowing me to get pregnant or have a baby in my arms right now, but that is not the only prayer I have been praying in the last few years. As I look back at my journals from about 2-3 years ago one of the main things I was praying for my life is that I would recognize my dependence on Him. Whether I feel like it or not, I am dependent, but I wanted to sense my dependence. Well you know what? I wished for that it was done for me. I have never felt more needy for God or more dependent on Him than I have in the past year. I have a sense of dependency. I also have been praying that I will continually be surrendered to His will for my life. Well guess what, infertility is not my will and to be honest neither was adoption (it is now though!), but it is His and I have to be surrendered to that. I feel like daily I am surrendering my desire for a child to Him and asking for His help in trusting His plan.
When I first read verse 7 that day, I was upset in my heart. I am so thankful that God showed me that He is answering my prayers. It may not be my prayer for a child right now, but He is being faithful to answer and to conform me more to the image of Christ. I am thankful that I can "ask whatever I wish, and it will be done for me."
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Blown Away
As this past weekend ended, Heath and I could only sum up how we felt in two words: Blown Away. This past weekend was our Adoption Auction. We had been planning it for many weeks (along with several other wonderful people). On Saturday it was finally here. In all we had over 70 items donated! What blew me away is where all of these donations came from: family, church friends, Bible study friends, friends from college, friends from middle school and strangers. It was unbelievable. I couldn't believe that people would be so generous.
On Saturday I was feeling really nervous about if people were going to come or not. We didn't have any type of RSVP so we didn't know. We set the room up for about 100 people. Right before it started I told my friend Cara that I was nervous about if people would come or not. Her response hit me square in the heart, she said "Whoever is suppose to be here will be here." She reminded me that God was in control and would bring exactly who He wanted. Almost every chair was filled. We had family, friends from BSF, friends from church and even a few people we barely knew. Again, we were blown away.
The auction was a huge success and God used it to raise lots of money for our adoption. With the auction, a matching grant and generous donations from lots of other people, we are right at 75% of the money we need to raise!!! Not to sound repetitive, but we are blown away. Below are some pictures from the auction and faces of people who are helping bring baby Racine home....
We are beyond thankful for all the love and support we have received and continue to receive. God is so gracious to us!!
On Saturday I was feeling really nervous about if people were going to come or not. We didn't have any type of RSVP so we didn't know. We set the room up for about 100 people. Right before it started I told my friend Cara that I was nervous about if people would come or not. Her response hit me square in the heart, she said "Whoever is suppose to be here will be here." She reminded me that God was in control and would bring exactly who He wanted. Almost every chair was filled. We had family, friends from BSF, friends from church and even a few people we barely knew. Again, we were blown away.
The auction was a huge success and God used it to raise lots of money for our adoption. With the auction, a matching grant and generous donations from lots of other people, we are right at 75% of the money we need to raise!!! Not to sound repetitive, but we are blown away. Below are some pictures from the auction and faces of people who are helping bring baby Racine home....
We are beyond thankful for all the love and support we have received and continue to receive. God is so gracious to us!!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Pruning
I realized today that I have been talking a lot about the details of our adoption and not a lot about what is going on in my heart. I want this blog to be a healthy balance of both. So since it's been a while, I decided to write some about my heart.
A few weeks ago, early on a Friday morning, I met up with some sweet friends for breakfast at Panera. After they left I decided to stay a while and get some extended time reading the Bible and praying. Little did I know what God wanted to teach me that day. I am going through a devotional book called Jesus Calling (side note- I'm not super big on devotional books, but I LOVE this one! This is my second time going through it. I highly, highly recommend it!) I honestly don't even remember what the book was talking about that day, but I do know it led me to John 15.
John 15 is a familiar passage to me. I remember asking God to help me read it with a freshness. I've read it so much it can easily just be a quick read and then shut my Bible. But that day was meant for extended time so I read over verses 1-16, but I focused in on verses 2 and 7.
Verse 2 of chapter 15 hit me like a ton of bricks. It says "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." A few years ago I read a book called "Biblical Womanhood in the Home"(another book I recommend) and one of the chapters is called "Pruned to Bloom." Reading this verse took me back to that chapter. Anyway, the bottom line of what I got out of this verse that day is that I am being pruned right now. Pruning hurts. I'm no green thumb so I don't know exactly what pruning entails, but I know you go and cut dead stuff off the plants with some oversized scissor looking things (excuse my ignorance). I'm sure if plants could talk they would say they don't really enjoy pruning, that it hurts to have those sharp things come an cut off part of you. I feel the same way. I'm not a fan of pruning, it hurts and I'd just rather not go through it. What got my attention on that day though was the result of the pruning-bearing more fruit. Just like when a plant gets pruned the end result is more fruit (more flowers), so it is with me. God is going to prune me sometimes. He's going to come in do some cutting away and it's going to hurt, but in the end I will bear more fruit which will make me more like His Son which is ultimately what I want anyway.
To sum it up, I think God is using infertility and even the adoption process (although it's way more fun than infertility!) to prune me. He's using it to reveal my heart and come in cut the ugly stuff off. But His heart in it is so good. He is wanting me to bear more fruit, to be more like Jesus. I love it! I don't love the process, but I love the end result. I have come to a place where I want Him to prune me, no matter how much it hurts, because what I want more than anything is to be more like Jesus.
I will have to tell you what I got out of verse 7 later. I got carried away sharing what He is doing in my heart from verse 2!! He really is so good to us no matter where we are on this beautiful journey!
A few weeks ago, early on a Friday morning, I met up with some sweet friends for breakfast at Panera. After they left I decided to stay a while and get some extended time reading the Bible and praying. Little did I know what God wanted to teach me that day. I am going through a devotional book called Jesus Calling (side note- I'm not super big on devotional books, but I LOVE this one! This is my second time going through it. I highly, highly recommend it!) I honestly don't even remember what the book was talking about that day, but I do know it led me to John 15.
John 15 is a familiar passage to me. I remember asking God to help me read it with a freshness. I've read it so much it can easily just be a quick read and then shut my Bible. But that day was meant for extended time so I read over verses 1-16, but I focused in on verses 2 and 7.
Verse 2 of chapter 15 hit me like a ton of bricks. It says "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." A few years ago I read a book called "Biblical Womanhood in the Home"(another book I recommend) and one of the chapters is called "Pruned to Bloom." Reading this verse took me back to that chapter. Anyway, the bottom line of what I got out of this verse that day is that I am being pruned right now. Pruning hurts. I'm no green thumb so I don't know exactly what pruning entails, but I know you go and cut dead stuff off the plants with some oversized scissor looking things (excuse my ignorance). I'm sure if plants could talk they would say they don't really enjoy pruning, that it hurts to have those sharp things come an cut off part of you. I feel the same way. I'm not a fan of pruning, it hurts and I'd just rather not go through it. What got my attention on that day though was the result of the pruning-bearing more fruit. Just like when a plant gets pruned the end result is more fruit (more flowers), so it is with me. God is going to prune me sometimes. He's going to come in do some cutting away and it's going to hurt, but in the end I will bear more fruit which will make me more like His Son which is ultimately what I want anyway.
To sum it up, I think God is using infertility and even the adoption process (although it's way more fun than infertility!) to prune me. He's using it to reveal my heart and come in cut the ugly stuff off. But His heart in it is so good. He is wanting me to bear more fruit, to be more like Jesus. I love it! I don't love the process, but I love the end result. I have come to a place where I want Him to prune me, no matter how much it hurts, because what I want more than anything is to be more like Jesus.
I will have to tell you what I got out of verse 7 later. I got carried away sharing what He is doing in my heart from verse 2!! He really is so good to us no matter where we are on this beautiful journey!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Auction Items
Some people have asked what items we have donated for the auction, so here is a complete list as of today! Lots of great things!!
Pastor Whipple's Tie
Colts Tickets
Chicago Condo
Florida Condo
Baseball Card Collection
Plane Ride
Free Family Photo Session
Tropicanoe Cove passes and Ice Cream
Joel Brovont Concert and 3 Papa Murphy’s Pizza
Family Fun Night and 2 Papa Murphy’s Pizza
Piano Lessons
Piano Lessons
Smores kit
Burp Cloths and Bibs
31 Bag
Girls size 1 Dress
Hairbows and crochet purse
Summer shawl
Necklace from Egypt
Dollhouse
2 Freezer Meals
Cake
Cinnimon Rolls/Cake
Bacon/cooler/turkey
$25 Hunters Pub Giftcard
Pie Certificate
Cup cake Certificate
Crochet Lessons
House Cleaning and supplies
Red Seven and Rubia
Lawn Mowing
Enterprise Weekend Rental
$30 Jimmy John’s
2 McAllister’s Meals
Chipotle Lovers (3 free meals, 2 half price meals, 1 free chips and guacamole)
Noodles & Co. Lover (5 free noodles, salad or soup)
2 Hours Computer Clean up
Ice Cream Cake
3 Pizza Hut Pizzas
$20 Moe’s
Cracker Barrel 2 Meals
2 Rounds of Golf and Balls
2 Rounds of Gold and Balls
Golf Lesson
3 Month Membership
$100 Miracle Fitness Card
Painting
Canvas with quote
Bath, Body and Candle Basket
Coffee/Tea Basket
Changing Pad, Piggy Bank and wipes
$15 Java Roaster/books
$10 Sonrise diner/books
$10 Sonrise/books
Tea Set
Pat’s Hats
ESV Study Bible
Jane’s Gourmet Deli and Sandwich bag
Horse Drawn Carriage Ride
Friday, April 20, 2012
Auction Update
Oh my word, this auction is coming together!!! I met yesterday with my sweet friend Cara who is one of the women helping me put this auction together and we nailed down a lot of details and got all of the items that are donated into categories. One thing (and I say one because there are many) that has totally blown me away, and I have probably already written about it but I seriously just can't believe it, is how generous people and businesses have been. It is unbelievable.
Every single bit of the dinner has been provided. I mean every bit-from meat to sides to desserts to napkins to plates to forks to knives....every single bit. We have almost 50 items for our silent auction-restaurant gift cards, paintings, an ice cream cake (I wish I could bid!), rounds of golf, cakes, meals, a doll house, children's accessories and clothes, you name it and we probably have it donated in some form. We have several items for our live auction-a condo in FL, a condo in Chicago, a plane ride around the Lafayette area and more. If you live in the Lafayette area, you are not going to want to miss this. Most of this is from our church as well as businesses in the Lafayette community. It is so crazy to me how willing people are to donate to help us bring our baby home. It is such a reminder of God's goodness to us in this.
Well, I just wanted to give you all an update on the auction! I would also ask that you pray for God to open up situations for us to present to. We are so wanting this sweet baby God has for us so we need Him to open up the doors for us as we go along on this beautiful journey!
Every single bit of the dinner has been provided. I mean every bit-from meat to sides to desserts to napkins to plates to forks to knives....every single bit. We have almost 50 items for our silent auction-restaurant gift cards, paintings, an ice cream cake (I wish I could bid!), rounds of golf, cakes, meals, a doll house, children's accessories and clothes, you name it and we probably have it donated in some form. We have several items for our live auction-a condo in FL, a condo in Chicago, a plane ride around the Lafayette area and more. If you live in the Lafayette area, you are not going to want to miss this. Most of this is from our church as well as businesses in the Lafayette community. It is so crazy to me how willing people are to donate to help us bring our baby home. It is such a reminder of God's goodness to us in this.
Well, I just wanted to give you all an update on the auction! I would also ask that you pray for God to open up situations for us to present to. We are so wanting this sweet baby God has for us so we need Him to open up the doors for us as we go along on this beautiful journey!
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