"The Call"

I had it perfectly planned out in my mind how it would go when we got "the call," that is the call telling us we'd been chosen. I would be in some super cute outfit and Heath and I would take these adorable pictures showing our celebration. We would jump up and down and immediately go buy something all blue or all pink. Let's just say things didn't go exactly as I had planned out in my head.

Let me explain to you the week and then day I had surrounding "the call."Monday morning I wake up and I am s-i-c-k. I feel awful-sore throat, achy, you get the gist. At about 9:30 that morning my dad calls me to tell me my brother, Jeb, had a "spell." He was having a hard time talking and a hard time holding his cell phone. I honestly didn't think much about it. I of course was praying for him, but just didn't think it would be too serious. That afternoon Jeb's wife Cathy calls and says he is talking better and they were still waiting on test results. At about 6:30 I get the call that he has had a stroke, they found a hole in his heart and he would have to have surgery. WHAT? I forgot to mention my brother is 33 years old. I could not believe it.

My dad had my step-mom call because they were on the way to Knoxville. I was crying so hard and had so many questions. The problem was they had no answers. They told me not to come to Knoxville until they knew more of what was going on. I knew they were right but it was so hard for me to stay here when I knew my brother was sick and in the hospital. I felt so helpless. When I hung up the phone I couldn't even talk because I was crying so hard. Heath kept asking me what was going on and I couldn't even talk to tell him. I was finally able to get it out and he just held me while I cried. He also prayed for my brother, for his healing and for peace for him and the rest of our family.

My dad got to the hospital about 10 p.m. and called to tell me that he was encouraged being there and seeing and talking to Jeb-which made me feel a lot better. He said Jeb told him to tell me not to worry about him-yeah right! The next day Jeb was doing a lot better and his speech had improved a lot. They still told me not to come because there was nothing I could do. My dad and step-mom made sure to call me anytime they heard anything from the doctor which I was so thankful for. I just prayed and prayed for him.  On Wednesday he would have a procedure where they went in and looked at his heart to see how big the hole is.

Wednesday rolls around and I still am feeling terrible. I decide to go to the doctor and guess what? Strep throat-yay! I talk to my step-mom about 11 and she tells me Jeb has just gone into his procedure. Heath came home for lunch about noon. I was in bed in my pajamas, looking a mess. He came to check on me and then went downstairs to make his lunch. I hear him downstairs say "what? what? are you kidding me?" All I could think is that something went terribly wrong in the procedure and they were calling Heath to make sure he was home with me. As he was walking up the stairs I was so scared. I didn't want to hear what he had to say because I just knew it was bad.

He got to the door and said "I'm going to put you on speaker phone so can you tell my wife what you just told me?" I said hello and that's when I heard those sweet words "you're going to be a mommy."
Wow! So different than what I was expecting.

I called my dad to tell him and my step-mom answered. They had just gotten out from a meeting with the doctor and she told me that the hole was significant enough for him to need surgery, but the FDA wouldn't allow them to do the surgery until he had 2 "episodes." They were putting in for an appeal of that. I asked to talk to my dad and she said he was upstairs with Jeb. I told her to have him call me as soon as he could. A few minutes later he called back and I got to tell him. He immediately walked back to Jeb's room and told me to tell him. Keep in mind this is the first time I had talked to my brother since all of this had happened. I told him we were praying for him and were so thankful for how well he was doing. Then I got to tell him he was going to be an uncle!!! I think it was sweet of God to let that be my first conversation with him.

We then called other family and friends and shared the news with them. When I talked to Carlee-our adoption consultant-she said "God knew your family would need this news this week." She was right.

To say that week was an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement. What a week! It definitely had it's lows and it's highs.  I am thankful to say that my brother is doing well, he had his surgery and is on his way to making a complete recovery. He better be ready by January because he is going to have a niece to spoil!

No, "the call" didn't go exactly as I thought, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. We prayed for a lot of things that week and God answered so many of them! We did get to take pictures though. Please excuse how disgusting I look. We just want baby girl to know we were excited from the second we found out!

The Sweetest Words

"You're going to be a mommy!" Those are the sweetest words. Those are the words spoken to me by Angela at our adoption agency on Wednesday, October 17th around 12:30 in the afternoon. I will never forget that day or those words.

There were lots of other things surrounding that day that I don't have time to go into right now, but for those few moments, all of those other things disappeared from my mind. I was going to be a mommy and Heath was going to be a daddy.

As she spoke those words to me I immediately started bawling. I look up at Heath and he is crying too. It was the phone call we had been waiting for. As soon as we got off the phone with her we hugged and spent some time praying. We praised God for allowing us to be chosen and for bringing this sweet baby girl into our lives. We prayed for her health and that she would continue to develop in the womb. We prayed for the birth mother, thanking God for her and praying for peace for her. There was so much to rejoice in.

We immediately started calling family and friends to tell them our exciting news. They were so excited. Many of them cried right along with us. Many of them have prayed this little girl into our lives. Two things I know for sure, this little girl is loved and this little girl has been prayed for.

 I want to take a second and say THANK YOU to everyone who has prayed for us in this and who has generously given of your money so that we can bring our daughter home. There are no words to express our gratitude, seriously no words. Thank you doesn't even begin to do it justice.

Our daughter is due January 6th in Ormond Beach, FL (right beside Daytona Beach). When we get the call, we will travel down either by car or by flight (depending on how last minute it is and how much the plane tickets are) and hopefully make it in time for the delivery. From there, the birth mother has to wait 48 hours before she can sign over rights. We will then have to stay in FL for up to 2 weeks for ICPC-which is a legal thing that allows us to leave FL and enter IN with our daughter. We will then travel back to IN (hopefully by flight) and begin the journey of raising our sweet girl.

To say we are excited would be an extreme understatement. We absolutely cannot wait to meet our daughter and bring her into our lives!! We are so so thankful to God for this sweet blessing in our lives. May He be glorified in this. This is a fun and exciting step on this beautiful journey!

Don't Say That

People say a lot of weird things when they find out you are adopting. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people say lots of encouraging things, but some people say things that just bug me. I will say this on the front end, I think I really get the heart of why people say the things they say. I know they are trying to comfort and love on me, but a lot of times the things they say have no grounding. There is one thing in particular people say that absolutely drives me crazy. I will share what that is in a second, but let me put a few disclaimers out there. First, if you have said this to me or anyone else who is adopting, don't sweat it. There is tons of grace. To be honest, I have probably said it before to people. Second, I am not writing this to be harsh, I'm writing you to inform you that it's not the best thing to say (trust me I have been thinking for weeks how to write this post and not come across harsh)

Okay, here it is. I have people tell me this all the time: "You know as soon as you adopt you're going to get pregnant" Has that happened to other people before? Absolutely. Will it happen to other people in the future? I'm sure it will. Will it happen to me? I don't know and neither do you.

It just bugs me that people say that. For one, God has called us to adoption. It is the end goal for us, not pregnancy. If we were to get pregnant, we'd be thrilled, but if we never get pregnant that's okay with us. I'm not saying it wasn't a long, hard journey to get us to that place in our hearts, but we're there. Adoption is plan A, not plan B. If we found out tomorrow we were pregnant we would still adopt.

Another reason it bothers me when people say that is because they don't know the future. I know I will probably never get pregnant, but there are some families out there who are adopting and still hoping they will get pregnant. To tell a girl that she will probably get pregnant when she adopts is putting a seed of hope in her heart that just isn't right. You have no idea if she will ever get pregnant, only God does. Allow her to put her hope in God and in His perfect plan for her life (which may or may not include pregnancy), not in what you have heard has happened in the life of someone else.

Finally, it bothers me because it can come across (even though I really do know people don't mean it to)  as if having biological children is better than having adopted children. A child is a child and everyone of them is made in the image of God. No matter if my kids are all adopted or some adopted and some biological, I will love them all the same. Just because I don't give birth to a child does not mean my heart isn't capable enough to love them just the same as if I had given birth to them.

Let me say this to close, I hope you hear my heart on this. Even as I am writing I am trying to discern if this is going to come across harsh. Please know that I in no way am trying to be harsh, I just want you to think about what you're saying. I know I say plenty of things that are unnecessary and probably hurtful to people and I just don't know it or don't think about it. If you don't know what to say to someone who is adopting (which I honestly think is the main reason people say the pregnancy thing) then just don't say anything or ask them where they are in the process or how it's going or ask what you can pray for them. Again, if you have said this to me I'm not using my blog to publicly call you out. I cannot name one person who has said it to me, I just know I hear it pretty regularly. I hope my heart is clear on this.