Ministering to those in the midst of infertility

In the last several weeks I have talked with several people who are experiencing infertility or are dear friends with someone who is experiencing it. When I hear their stories my heart breaks all over again. Infertility is hard and it's not something a lot of people talk openly about. I'm thankful God is using our infertility to be able to minister to others. I thought I would write out some pointers to those who are in the middle of infertility and some pointers to those who are ministering to those who are in the middle of it. I am by no means an expert and this list is not exhaustive and maybe all of these things will be no help at all, but I just thought I'd share my two cents worth!

To those in the middle of infertility:

1. You are not alone. I think this is a time in our lives where we can easily believe the lie that we are alone. It seems like everyone around you is pregnant or just had a baby and that can make you feel unbelievably lonely in your struggle. I know I did. But know that you are not alone. There are many women all over the world who desperately want to have a baby and can't right now. Please don't buy into the lie that you are alone. 

2. Use this time to press deeper into your walk with the Lord. I know I have said this probably several times before, but "go there" with God. Ask the hard questions, tell Him your frustrations and hurts, be honest with him. Let God speak truth to the broken places in your heart. 

3. Let people in. Don't do this alone. I'm not saying you have to tell every person you know, but let people in. For some that may be 1-2 people, for others it could be your entire church family, and there is a whole lot of room in between that! But I really urge you to not go through this alone. God created us to live in community. Also, it is so good to talk through your emotions and to have others know how to specifically pray for you. 

To those who are ministering:

1. Be a good listener. Let your friend get it all out on you. Don't try to "fix" it. It's not something you can "fix" no matter how much you want to, so take the pressure off yourself and just listen. What your friend probably needs is just someone to talk to. She probably isn't coming to you for answers, just a listening ear. I was blessed to have many friends who were just listening ears for me and it was such a gift.

2. If you have a child/are pregnant, please be sensitive. Don't constantly talk about your child or children. Now that I have a child, it seems like all I want to do is talk about her and show pictures of her. But I also want to be sensitive to those who don't have children but want them (or have a child but want more) I love all the children that my friends have, but during infertility it would have been extremely difficult if all they talked about was there kids. There are lots of other things to talk about so just think well for your friends and be sensitive to them.

3. Don't act like they aren't walking through a hard season. Ask them about it (obviously not always, but do ask). Ask how they are doing and what you can pray for them. Just don't ignore it. 

Like I said, not an exhaustive list, but a list none the less. I hope it is helpful!