Daunting Task

Lately, I have been thinking about raising sweet Kaleigh. To be honest, it has seemed like such a daunting task as I have started thinking about it. I looked up the word daunting and this is the list of synonyms I found:  intimidating, formidable, disconcerting, unnerving, unsettling. Yeah, I would say that's how I feel about parenting sometime. I think about the world we live in and it is just straight up scary. There are so many things I want to protect her from, so many things I want her to be shielded from.

We have wars all over the place, people blowing other people up, people walking into public places and shooting innocent people, Christianity being mocked and sidelined in many ways, an "anything goes" attitude, as well as a "do whatever feels right" attitude, girls wearing the most revealing outfits, girls giving themselves to boy after boy, I just feel like the list goes on and on.

There are also so many hopes I have for Kaleigh. I want her to love the Lord, to be kind to others, to serve others, to have compassion, to love God's Word, to be selfless and giving and that list also goes on and on.

To be honest, if I sit and think about it I get really overwhelmed. Recently I was talking with some friends and we were joking about we don't want to do things that are going to end up with our kids in counseling talking about how we blew it. We just don't want to screw our kids up! So there are all these things I'm scared of for Kaleigh and so many things I want for her, yet here I am in this world that seems a little crazier each day. It's daunting I tell you.

Then I remember Jesus. When I can get my mind back there I can find rest amidst the daunting task. The truth is parenting is a daunting task. The truth is I am not going to do it perfectly (which is so hard for my personality!) Jesus is the hope I have in this role as parent. I can pray, ask for wisdom, seek out God's counsel as we raise her, remember the gospel and did I mention pray?

There is no way for me to shield Kaleigh from this world entirely and there is also no way to guarantee my list of wishes for Kaleigh will happen, but what I can do is continually seek the Lord myself and continually seek to point her back to the Lord as well.

She is only 13 months old and I have already "blown it." There are times when I am impatient with her, angry at her tantrums, frustrated if she won't stop crying, etc. Because of Christ and the fact that He has covered those sins in my life, I can go to her and ask forgiveness, tell her I'm sorry. There are many days that I have to say "Kaleigh, will you please forgive mommy for being impatient with you?" Now I know she probably has no idea that I was impatient or what it means to forgive, but I want (really need) to say those things to her. I want her to see Jesus in me even when I "blow it."

As I remember God's word and the way He tells me He will give wisdom and help and that He is the One who will strengthen me, I can also feel the weight of the daunting task fade some. I can trust Him with Kaleigh's life. As I rely on Him as I am parenting the task doesn't seem so daunting. There will times when there are big things going on in her life that I will have to rely on Him, but I also think it's all the small things through the most mundane days that I need to rely on Him. I'm praying as we go along on this beautiful journey that God will give me the grace to remember to rely on Him.