Adoption is Hard

There are all kinds of hashtags out there about adoption. #adoptionrocks #adoptionislove #lovebuildsafamily.  And of course all of those things are true, but you don't ever see anyone #adoptionishard, but it's the truth. Let me say from the beginning that adoption is absolutely worth it and I am so thankful for it, but it's just hard. I hope this post doesn't come across as a "Debby Downer" post, but more here's what's going on in our lives and this is what is hard about adoption.

We never thought we would go through a failed adoption, but we did and it was and still is hard. We didn't think we would be a year and a half into this process and still not have a baby, but here we are and it's hard. We didn't think about all the questions we would have to fight through-what's wrong with us? Why doesn't God want us to grow our family? What is He trying to teach us in this? Are we just not "getting it?" What are we suppose to be "getting?" Are we with the right agency? What are we suppose to be doing? All these questions are hard. (For the record I know that most of these questions are lies and I shouldn't "go there" but hey this is just real life)

Adoption is so hard because you have this unbelievable desire to have a child and yet you have no idea when God is going to fulfill your desire. Every day I think "is this going to be the day we get the call?" And I proceed to spend my day wondering if my phone is going to ring. One thing I have started doing is putting it on Do Not Disturb during Kaleigh's nap time so I have a break each day from being obsessed with my phone.

Adoption is also hard because you're constantly living in a limbo-do we plan that vacation,what if we have a newborn? Do I commit to (fill in the blank), what if we have a newborn? Do we start that big project we need to do, what if we get a baby in the middle of this and can't finish? It's constant limbo when it come to decision making. There are so many ups and downs and so many things playing out in your mind all the time.

So here's the thing, adoption is hard. But it also rocks, it is love and love does build a family. I know God is going to play this out in an unbelievable way in our lives. I just don't want to act like it's all butterflies and rainbows. There is just a hard reality to adoption. We are unbelievably thankful for how God grew our family through adoption and are excited to see Him do it again. Please be praying for us as we wait on God's timing.