Don't Say That

People say a lot of weird things when they find out you are adopting. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people say lots of encouraging things, but some people say things that just bug me. I will say this on the front end, I think I really get the heart of why people say the things they say. I know they are trying to comfort and love on me, but a lot of times the things they say have no grounding. There is one thing in particular people say that absolutely drives me crazy. I will share what that is in a second, but let me put a few disclaimers out there. First, if you have said this to me or anyone else who is adopting, don't sweat it. There is tons of grace. To be honest, I have probably said it before to people. Second, I am not writing this to be harsh, I'm writing you to inform you that it's not the best thing to say (trust me I have been thinking for weeks how to write this post and not come across harsh)

Okay, here it is. I have people tell me this all the time: "You know as soon as you adopt you're going to get pregnant" Has that happened to other people before? Absolutely. Will it happen to other people in the future? I'm sure it will. Will it happen to me? I don't know and neither do you.

It just bugs me that people say that. For one, God has called us to adoption. It is the end goal for us, not pregnancy. If we were to get pregnant, we'd be thrilled, but if we never get pregnant that's okay with us. I'm not saying it wasn't a long, hard journey to get us to that place in our hearts, but we're there. Adoption is plan A, not plan B. If we found out tomorrow we were pregnant we would still adopt.

Another reason it bothers me when people say that is because they don't know the future. I know I will probably never get pregnant, but there are some families out there who are adopting and still hoping they will get pregnant. To tell a girl that she will probably get pregnant when she adopts is putting a seed of hope in her heart that just isn't right. You have no idea if she will ever get pregnant, only God does. Allow her to put her hope in God and in His perfect plan for her life (which may or may not include pregnancy), not in what you have heard has happened in the life of someone else.

Finally, it bothers me because it can come across (even though I really do know people don't mean it to)  as if having biological children is better than having adopted children. A child is a child and everyone of them is made in the image of God. No matter if my kids are all adopted or some adopted and some biological, I will love them all the same. Just because I don't give birth to a child does not mean my heart isn't capable enough to love them just the same as if I had given birth to them.

Let me say this to close, I hope you hear my heart on this. Even as I am writing I am trying to discern if this is going to come across harsh. Please know that I in no way am trying to be harsh, I just want you to think about what you're saying. I know I say plenty of things that are unnecessary and probably hurtful to people and I just don't know it or don't think about it. If you don't know what to say to someone who is adopting (which I honestly think is the main reason people say the pregnancy thing) then just don't say anything or ask them where they are in the process or how it's going or ask what you can pray for them. Again, if you have said this to me I'm not using my blog to publicly call you out. I cannot name one person who has said it to me, I just know I hear it pretty regularly. I hope my heart is clear on this.