Here we go...

Y'all, it happening. I mean it's finally happening. The paperwork is done, the profile book is finished and sitting on our table, the home visit is in the process of being scheduled....this is happening! We got an email late Friday with the days that we can do our home visit. We have sent in our request for the day and are hoping that it will be the week of Thanksgiving. If not then hopefully the week following.

As we have waited to get word from our agency on when our home visit will be scheduled, I have found myself getting frustrated that it's not going as fast as I want it to. Last week we were meeting with some friends from church and one of them prayed for us and her prayer was that we would trust God and His timing and talked about how He knows who our child will be already. Man that was good for my soul. God has got this. Just like He had our adoption for Kaleigh.

This weekend our church had a women's retreat and in one of the talks she talked about remembering God's past faithfulness. It's so funny how quickly I forget. I see God's past faithfulness in so many ways, but one of the ways looks me in the eyes everyday and says "love you momma." How quickly I forget. God was so faithful to us in her adoption. She is the perfect child for us and I know I have said it before, but we L-O-V-E her birth family. Like really love them.

Yet I forget that God will do the same in this adoption. I know that this adoption will probably look completely different from our first. But God HAS NOT changed. He knows who our child will be. He knows who our birth family will be. He knows how this is all going to unfold. Even when I don't.

I find myself not trusting His timing in all this and scrambling trying to get control over things that I have no control over. One verse that we read this weekend that was so good for me was Isaiah 30:15 "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.." My prayer is that I be quiet in my heart (not worrying and constantly over-thinking every little thing) and trust Him and His timing and in that I will find strength.

Pray for us as we move forward. Once we have our home visit, they will take our profile book and birth mothers will be able to look at it soon after. From there they have told us it could be a day or 2+ years. So as soon as our home visit is done we are back to waiting. Pray we will trust God during this whole process.

We Love Paperwork (again!)

So this is the stage of adoption we affectionately refer to as "paper pregnant." SO MUCH PAPERWORK! We had our meeting with our agency a couple of weeks ago and it went great! It was suppose to last an hour but I think since we'd adopted before and knew all the "language" (and believe me, adoption comes with a language all it's own) we were able to get in and out in about 20 minutes. It went something like this: Did you have a background check last time? Yes. Okay you need another one. Did you make a profile book? Yes. Make another one. And on and on. I can see how if it was your first time adopting that meeting would take a while because everything is new and everything would need explaining (just like our first time around). We really like our agency and the woman we will be working with.

So now the paperwork begins. Filling out home study questions-they ask everything from what's your personality, to what's your marriage like, to your financial situation. We each had to answer about 15 questions and then write a narrative about ourselves. We also had to do fingerprints and go to the police station for background checks. I am in the process of making our profile book (think shutterfly book about our family). Although it is a lot of paperwork, it is significantly less than last time because we only had to fill out one agency application instead of 5-7 individual agency applications.

We have an all day orientation in late October and then from there we can schedule our home visit. They come to our house to make sure it is a fit environment for a child. It makes me laugh because we have a child so I sure hope it's a fit environment! We can't schedule our home visit until all of our paperwork is in and one of things that has to be turned in is a physical form from my doctor. Well, I can't get into my doctor until a few days after our paperwork is due. I am pretty much calling everyday to see if she has any cancellations but to no avail. I have to have it filled out by my primary doctor (no urgent care or minute clinic or even another doctor in the practice) She is also Kaleigh's doctor so I have to see her in order to get Kaleigh's paperwork filled out too. Would you pray that I will be able to get into her before our paperwork is due? If I don't get in before, it will just delay our home study by about a week so it's not a huge deal, but I would just love to get it done. I think God is trying to teach me that even in this I have no control. I have to trust Him.

Once we have our home visit, they will take our profile book that day and it will be in rotation (birth moms can start looking at it and potentially choosing us) within a day or two. From there it could be the next day or two years...talk about having no control and having to trust! But we do trust the Lord in this. We have seen Him work. Kaleigh is the perfect child for us and we know He will do the same with our next child. We just can't wait to see how He does it!!

Adoption Update

So I just realized I have not posted since we announced that we were starting our second adoption. So here's the update!

We applied at the beginning of July and heard back that we were in the next group of home studies. We were really excited about that because it meant we weren't wait listed for a really long time. It's so funny though because it just revealed to me how much I don't like not being in control. I wanted to know exactly when they were going to the home study, how long it would take and when our book would be in rotation. I wanted all of it to happen yesterday! It has just been another opportunity for me to trust God and His timing.

Last week we got an email to schedule out initial meeting with our agency. I'm not totally sure what that meeting is going to be like. I am assuming that we will meet and talk about ourselves and about our family and about why we want to adopt. That meeting will be next Thursday. We are so thankful and excited to officially get the ball rolling in adopting baby #2.

From there the agency will come to our house to make sure it's safe and ready for a child. It's kind of amusing to me since we already have a child living here, but it's just part of the process! Once that happens we are hoping the process to get our book in rotation will be quick (we know it will be several weeks at least). We are hoping our book will go into rotation in early November, but we shall see. From there it's anywhere from the next day to two years. It will be another opportunity for us to trust the Lord and His timing in all of this.

We are so excited that we are finally at this point in the process! It kind of seems surreal. We pray often for our future child and his/her birth mother. We cannot wait to see what God has in store for us on this part of our beautiful journey!!

What's Next?

Many of you have asked what's up next for the Racine family, so I thought I'd just post about it. Our plan for now is to start our second adoption this summer!! We are beyond thrilled to do so. We love Kaleigh so much and can't wait to love on another baby! We also can't wait to see her be a big sister. She L-O-V-E-S babies. At church she always wants to touch the babies smaller than her and give them a hug. It's the cutest thing ever!

We have decided to use a different agency for this adoption. There are a couple of reasons for that. One is simply financially it makes more sense for us right now to go with a local, not as expensive agency. The second is that more than likely the baby will be born in Indiana so we won't have to travel so far away and be gone from home for so long. We also want Kaleigh to be able to see her sibling as soon as possible and although we would for sure take her if we had to travel far, logistically it just makes more sense to stay local. I want to be clear that we loved working with Christian Adoption Consultants and our agency in Florida, but the agency we have chosen here just makes more sense for us right now. I would highly recommend CAC to anyone.

The agency we have chosen has an average wait time of 12-24 months before you get matched with a birth mom and then it's usually a few months later that the baby is born. We would love to be chosen sooner so our kids can be closer in age, but feel content with that wait time if that is what God has for us.

It's kind of crazy to start thinking about diving into #2. We kept saying "we'll probably start in July" and it seemed so far away and now it's less than 2 months away. Man how time flies. It also seems crazy to me that we are about to dive back into all that paperwork-oh my word the paperwork! It is crazy all the paperwork you have to fill out.

We are beyond excited to see what God has for us as we start this next venture in the beautiful journey He has us on. We ask that you would pray for us that we would have wisdom and discernment as we proceed and that we would trust God's perfect timing. When we were chosen for Kaleigh it was the 10th time our profile book had been shown. We couldn't understand why we weren't getting picked. Now we know. Kaleigh is the perfect fit for our family and we love her birth family more than we could ever say. It really was the perfect situation for us. God knew all along. And He knows now. He knows exactly what we need, so we trust Him as we enter into this.

It Won't Always Be Like This

You see that sweet, happy face? The only way I get to see that face lately is if she's sitting on my lap just like that or I am holding her. If one of those two things isn't happening then more than likely there is either whining or crying going on. Some days Heath comes home and I say "if I don't get to go upstairs by myself for 5 minutes I'm going to lose my mind!"

Holding her or having her sit in my lap all day just is not realistic. There are things that have to get done-laundry, cooking, cleaning, going to the bathroom...you get the gist. I found (find) myself getting so frustrated that she wants me all the time and that she literally wants to be attached to me most of the time. With other people she is fine-Heath or at nursery or with other family-but with me she just whines all day long unless I'm holding her in some way.

Then it hit me: it won't always be like this. She isn't always going to want to sit in my lap. She isn't always going to want me to hold her (and I get lots of snuggles and kisses in when I hold her) It just isn't always going to be like this. I need to embrace it and love it. Now that doesn't mean every time she wants to be held or sit in my lap that it's going to happen. That is just simply not reality. But I want to embrace it more. I don't want to get frustrated with her. I want to take the moments that it is possible and do it, even if it's not necessarily the most convenient time.

I will update soon about all the fun things we have been doing. I just wanted to encourage anyone out there who struggles like me, to try to embrace it-it won't always be like this!

What about the children?

I love the Olympics...I mean like really love. Every night I get sucked in. I will say I am only going to watch one event and then they come on and say "in 5 minutes hear the heart warming story of (fill in the blank)" and I think "oh, I have got to see that!" Then during that moving story they say "in 8 minutes see the finals of (fill in the blank)" and I think "that will be good, I should watch it." And so I do. Every night this is the same routine. There is just something about the Olympics that draws me in. 

As I have been following the Olympics on social media and TV there has been something that keeps coming up that has just continually not been sitting right with me. If you have Twitter then you know exactly what it is-the outcry for the stray dogs in Sochi. Let me say in the beginning that I do not think the dogs should be mistreated or not fed or not properly taken care of,  and I get the desire to help them, but then I think what about the orphans in Russia? What about the children? 

In my very rough research, I found that in 2013 there were approximately 650,000 registered orphans in Russia. That number is staggering and overwhelming to me. These children also are often crammed into small spaces, not given enough food and sometimes not taken care of. Where is the outcry for that?  Just because you can't see the orphans sitting out on the streets of Russia doesn't mean they don't exist. It doesn't mean there aren't thousands of children who aren't getting enough to eat, who are sharing a crib with several other children, who aren't getting properly taken care of. Just because we don't see them doesn't mean we shouldn't stand up for their rights. 

Here's what's been rubbing me the wrong way about all of this. People are sending money, Olympians are taking to social media, hundreds of thousands of dollars are being spent to get the dogs to America, people are spending countless hours cutting through red tape to give the dogs a better life and yet there are helpless children, most of them starving, who do not have a voice and who we haven't even heard about. What do we do? 

To be honest, I don't know. As of 2012 Americans can no longer adopt Russian children (don't get me started!). Here's one thing I do know, I cannot act like they are not there. I cannot even think about  rescuing the dogs when there are children in worse condition than the dogs. I cannot send money to help with that cause when there is a much greater cause (no matter how many stars and Olympians ask me to). I cannot act like the dogs are more important than the children. So what do I do? I just don't know. For now I will pray and ask God what He would have me do. I know that sounds lame and like I'm not really taking action, and I kind of think the same thing, but I just don't know what to do. So I will research and ask question and figure out what to do. 

Here's what I do know. I have to be a voice. I have to ask what about the children? Will some of you stand up and ask the same thing? 

*As a side note, I know this post will probably offend some of my dog loving friends. Just know that is not my heart, I just can't get the children off my brain. 

Daunting Task

Lately, I have been thinking about raising sweet Kaleigh. To be honest, it has seemed like such a daunting task as I have started thinking about it. I looked up the word daunting and this is the list of synonyms I found:  intimidating, formidable, disconcerting, unnerving, unsettling. Yeah, I would say that's how I feel about parenting sometime. I think about the world we live in and it is just straight up scary. There are so many things I want to protect her from, so many things I want her to be shielded from.

We have wars all over the place, people blowing other people up, people walking into public places and shooting innocent people, Christianity being mocked and sidelined in many ways, an "anything goes" attitude, as well as a "do whatever feels right" attitude, girls wearing the most revealing outfits, girls giving themselves to boy after boy, I just feel like the list goes on and on.

There are also so many hopes I have for Kaleigh. I want her to love the Lord, to be kind to others, to serve others, to have compassion, to love God's Word, to be selfless and giving and that list also goes on and on.

To be honest, if I sit and think about it I get really overwhelmed. Recently I was talking with some friends and we were joking about we don't want to do things that are going to end up with our kids in counseling talking about how we blew it. We just don't want to screw our kids up! So there are all these things I'm scared of for Kaleigh and so many things I want for her, yet here I am in this world that seems a little crazier each day. It's daunting I tell you.

Then I remember Jesus. When I can get my mind back there I can find rest amidst the daunting task. The truth is parenting is a daunting task. The truth is I am not going to do it perfectly (which is so hard for my personality!) Jesus is the hope I have in this role as parent. I can pray, ask for wisdom, seek out God's counsel as we raise her, remember the gospel and did I mention pray?

There is no way for me to shield Kaleigh from this world entirely and there is also no way to guarantee my list of wishes for Kaleigh will happen, but what I can do is continually seek the Lord myself and continually seek to point her back to the Lord as well.

She is only 13 months old and I have already "blown it." There are times when I am impatient with her, angry at her tantrums, frustrated if she won't stop crying, etc. Because of Christ and the fact that He has covered those sins in my life, I can go to her and ask forgiveness, tell her I'm sorry. There are many days that I have to say "Kaleigh, will you please forgive mommy for being impatient with you?" Now I know she probably has no idea that I was impatient or what it means to forgive, but I want (really need) to say those things to her. I want her to see Jesus in me even when I "blow it."

As I remember God's word and the way He tells me He will give wisdom and help and that He is the One who will strengthen me, I can also feel the weight of the daunting task fade some. I can trust Him with Kaleigh's life. As I rely on Him as I am parenting the task doesn't seem so daunting. There will times when there are big things going on in her life that I will have to rely on Him, but I also think it's all the small things through the most mundane days that I need to rely on Him. I'm praying as we go along on this beautiful journey that God will give me the grace to remember to rely on Him.

My Opinion on this Parenting Gig

So ever since we found out we had been chosen for Kaleigh and to this day there are about a million differing opinions about what you should do and how you should do it and when you should do it, etc. Seriously, about everything. And for every opinion there is out there, there is a directly opposite opinion about the very same thing from someone different. Here are just a few examples:

Natural birth or get an epidural (obviously I didn't have to make a decision about that)
Breast fed or formula fed
This car seat or that car seat
BabyWise or no BabyWise
Let them cry it out or don't let them cry it out
How and when to discipline your child
What you should feed them

And it goes on and on and on and on....you get the point.  I promise you the list is a lot longer than the one I just made off the top of my head. It's every single thing in parenting. If you are pregnant or have any children you know exactly what I am talking about.

 I have had a lot of conversations about this with a lot of people lately and I am noticing that parents (myself included) are bombarded with these opinions, many of them quite strong. So I thought I'd give the world my opinion. Ready for it??

Do what is best for your family.

That's it. Obviously make educated decisions and be thoughtful and prayerful about your decisions, but do what is best for your family. You and your spouse are the only people on earth who know your family and you are capable of making a good decision. Walk in the freedom of your decision. Drown out all the outside opinions and just be the parents God wants you to be. What works for me and my family may not work for you and your family. And what works for your family may not work for mine and that is okay.

Now I'm not saying don't do research and don't ask advice from others who have gone before you, but after you do that just make a decision and walk in the freedom of the decision you make.

And for those of you who are super opinionated about any or all of this, know that it's just that, your opinion. If someone chooses not to do things the way you would do it, it's okay (unless is blatant sin). You need to free them to live and walk in the decision they made and come alongside them and support them in it, even if you don't agree. Trust your friends to make good decisions for their family. This parenting gig is hard and we all need each other's support.