Who would have ever thought?

Seriously, who would have ever thought? You know, you hear of people have problems with infertility, in fact I have several friends who have struggled with it, you just never think it's going to be you. I can say for a fact that I never thought it would be me. It was actually my worst nightmare. I would think about it and be scared to death. But here I am in the middle of infertility. Let me back up and explain to you how we got to where we are now.

Heath and I have always wanted kids, we just weren't sure when we wanted to start trying. Our first year of marriage was so tough with all the transitions so it was kind of a no brainer that getting pregnant our first year would send me right over the edge. At the end of our first year of marriage we began talking about starting to try. We asked some of our mentors if they thought we were in a good position (emotionally and spiritually) to become parents. They thought we were so we decided why not go ahead and try. So in July of 2010 we started this part of our journey. As each month rolled by it was a little discouraging but I knew for a lot of people it took about 6-9 months for it to happen.

About month 6 is when the discouragement started rolling in. I just didn't understand. Pardon my bluntness, but I always just thought you had sex, got pregnant and had a baby. Well we were doing the first step but the other 2 weren't happening. Every month when I would start I was so discouraged. I don't know how to put into words exactly how I felt but one thing I continually felt was just so disappointed. I was begging God to do this in my life, asking Him to provide us a baby and yet He wasn't. What was God trying to teach me? That's a question I ask a lot-"God, what are you trying to do in my life through this?" I wanted to know what He was doing, Heath wanted to know what He was doing, but honestly I could not tell you at that point what He was doing (hindsight is 20/20). That was a big struggle for Heath and I, we really wanted to be on board with what God was doing, but we just weren't sure what that was. For today I will leave you with that. There's just so much I feel like the Lord wants me to share and it doesn't always fit neatly into a blog!

Let me say this to conclude, when Heath and I became Christians we didn't just accept Christ as our Savior, we accepted Him as our Lord. You see you can't have one without the other, if He's not your Lord (meaning He's the center of your life and everything else-your job, family, social life, etc-revolves around Him) then He's not your Savior. Before I came to Christ I said I was a Christian, but my life said otherwise-your life is a dead give away to what you really believe. Anyway, we aren't just wanting God to "save" us from infertility. We know and believe that He is Lord over this and we will go where He leads us...wherever the journey goes. (I hope that makes sense!)