Don't Waste It

This past weekend I was able to go the True Woman conference in downtown Indy (thanks Teri!). One of my favorite sessions was an interview with Joni Erickson Tada. If you don't know her story I will give you a little preview but really encourage you to read up on her. When she was 17 she was in a diving accident and she became a quadriplegic in a wheelchair, without the use of her hands. Her story is an unbelievable journey of how God has used her in the lives of people everywhere. Seriously, read up on her and be encouraged.

One of the things she said is "don't waste your suffering." I know John Piper has written something entitled "Don't Waste Your Cancer" that is similar. For me, hearing it live and in person from a woman who has experienced much suffering was just so challenging to me. This blog post is really for those of you who are going through infertility or any other type of suffering right now. I hope it encourages you and challenges you.

If I were on my own, and did not know or experience the grace of God daily in my life, I would waste my suffering. There are many days now that I want to waste my suffering and I am sure there are days I have wasted my suffering. But I don't want to waste it. Does that mean I never cry or never get upset? I don't think so. In fact, I think it's quite the opposite. Here are some ways I don't want to waste my suffering.

1. I want to use this time in my life to see how dependent I am on God. He is my strength and my refuge in time of need. He is my Rock and my Fortress. I cannot do this on my own. There are days when I just want to do absolutely nothing but have a pity party, but instead of a pity party I want to turn my attention to God and desperately cry out to Him to give me the grace I need to face each day. You see, the truth is I'm always dependent on God and I should always desperately call out to Him for grace to get through each day. When things are going great I often turn towards self sufficiency. So I want to use this hard time to train myself to continually turn to Him. So then hopefully when things are going well and when things are going bad, I will have trained myself to turn to Him.

2. I want to use this time in my life to ask the hard questions. So often I think we don't think it's okay to ask God the hard questions. Well, I have some hard questions that I need answered. I want to boldly ask Him because I know His answer will always point me back to Him. I don't want to be afraid to ask the hard questions of Him because I think it will show how weak my faith is. You know what, my faith is weak. I need to ask those hard questions so my faith will be strengthened and so that I can think correctly about Him.

3. I want to use this time in my life to cry out to God and to grow in my intimacy with Him. My heart hurts and He knows that it hurts. This can be such a sweet time of intimacy in my walk with Him as I allow Him to minister to the hurt places in my heart, just like a father would. If I don't cry out to Him, and when I say cry for me it often means literally crying, then how am I going to experience that intimacy with Him and how is He going to heal those places in my heart with His word and His grace and His love? I want to use this time to experience deep intimacy with Him. I have some sweet friends whose little girl was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor when she was 6 months old. They have seen her through brain surgery, chemo, a stem cell transplant and so much more. This past weekend I got to catch up with the mom for a few minutes and one thing she said to me was something to the effect of- I know God in a deeper way because we have been through this. I don't think I could have gotten to know Him like this if we hadn't been through this. Wow. I left so encouraged by her to use this hard season of life to know my God better.

Those are just a few ways I have thought about not wasting my infertility. Again, I am not saying my goal is to never cry or never be upset, but to allow God to work in my life during those times. If you are going through infertility or some other trial, I pray you won't waste it but allow Him to work mightily in your life. I pray the same thing for Heath and I as we go along on our beautiful journey.