Is it over?

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about our infertility. (Actually I have had several conversations with several of my friends-isn't God good to use this hurt and pain of mine to minster to others! Maybe more about that later!) Anyway, since I've been talking about it a lot, it made me think about if in my mind infertility was "over," since we have Kaleigh.

This is what I have concluded:

The ache I had for a child is no longer there, the day in day out wondering if we would ever have children is no longer there, the feeling that God had called me to be a mom yet wasn't fulfilling that in terms of giving us our own child is no longer there. To be honest, I never wonder if we had a biological child what he/she would look like, I don't wait impatiently each month to see if I'm pregnant (not that the thought doesn't run through my mind from time to time, but in general I don't think about it), I don't chart my temperature and make sure we are in line with when I'm ovulating, I just don't. So does that mean it's over?

I will say this-having Kaleigh has healed so many of the hurt places in my heart and I am so incredibly thankful for her. Sometimes it's hard for me to think back to the time of infertility and really articulate what I was thinking and feeling during that time. We know now that we probably won't ever get pregnant so when we decide it's time to expand our family again we know it will be through adoption and we won't go through the months of wondering if this is "the month."

So I guess what I'm saying is that we are still right in the middle of infertility by definition because we are not preventing a pregnancy from happening (and haven't since 2010), yet are not pregnant, but the hurt of infertility is so much less. It's not in my face everyday, it's not painful and it's not a constant waiting game.

I say all this to be an encouragement to those walking through infertility. Once you have your child-whether through adoption, pregnancy, in vitro, artificial assimilation, or however God decides to give you your child-your pain will lessen. It won't hurt as bad. Sure, I still have questions for God and still have to fight lies I'm believing about Him and still remember the pain of it, but it's less. Part of that is being able to see now the bigger plan God had for us. Had we not gone through infertility we would not have Kaleigh and we absolutely cannot imagine our lives without her and know we are meant to be her parents.

God has a bigger plan and although you may not be able to see it right now, I guarantee one day you will look back and see, even if only in part, something good God did through your infertility. I do not understand fully why we had to face that, but I see glimpses all the time and for that I am thankful.

Let me leave you with this: God is for you (Psalm 118:6), He has not forsaken you (Deut. 31:8), He had not changed (Heb. 13:8), He loves you deeply (Eph 3:17-19).