Pregnancies, Gender Reveals and Baby Showers...Oh My!!

In the midst of infertility it seemed like everyone I knew was getting pregnant. So what did that mean? I was constantly hearing about pregnancies, going to gender reveal parties and baby showers, going to the hospital to meet those sweet bundles of joy, taking a meal to a new mom and dad and so many other things. It also meant that it was really hard.

Don't get me wrong, I was so happy for my friends, but it was hard. So hard. I don't really know how to explain it other than to say I was excited for them, but sad for myself. I was in the middle of grieving infertility. I wanted to be announcing my pregnancy, having my own gender reveal party and baby shower and having people come visit me and my new bundle of joy, but I wasn't able to. So how do you be sensitive to women who want what you are experiencing?

Let me offer this advice to you:

*If you find out you are pregnant, I beg you, please don't tell your friend going through infertility the big news in public. As happy as I was for my friends, I'm pretty sure I cried every time one of them told me they were pregnant. Again, happy for them, sad for me-that may sound selfish and maybe it is, but it was just reality for me.

Like I said, many of my friends got pregnant while we were going through infertility. I so appreciated the fact that before they made their big announcement (at a party or in a public setting) many of my friends called me to tell me. It gave me time to process the news and cry. Then when we were at the party or the announcement was made I could deal. I didn't have to go to the bathroom and pull myself together or leave the event all together. 

*In regards to gender reveals, baby showers, hospital visits and bringing meals-let your friend going through infertility off the hook. To be quite honest, those events can be quite tortuous. I hope you hear my heart on this. I am in no way trying to be selfish or say selfishness is okay, but there are just a whole slew of emotions that come along with infertility and it just takes a while to work through those. These events just add whole different dimension to the emotions being experienced. The level of happiness you are experiencing is equal to the amount of pain your friend is feeling.

If you're friend is not at one of your parties/showers or doesn't come to visit you at the hospital or doesn't sign up to bring you a meal, be understanding. It doesn't mean she's not excited for you, she may just be having a bad day/week/month and just can't face it. Sometimes I felt like if I went to a shower I may have an emotional break down so it was just better for me not to go. Sometimes I felt so sad about our infertility that I could barely get a meal on my own table, much less anyone else's. Sometimes if a friend just had a baby, we may have just gotten some more bad news and I just needed to work through that before I could come hold her baby without bawling my eyes out.

On another note, if you know a friend going through infertility and she does come to the events (many times I was okay to go to the events, sometimes I wasn't), help her out. Talk to her about her life-her time in the word, her work, any fun things she's done recently, etc. That takes the focus a little bit off the fact that she's at a party/shower that she may not necessarily feel comfortable at.


I hope all of this makes sense and you hear my heart on it. Infertility is hard and your friends going through it need your help. It really is a time of grieving, I think the more you can understand that, the more you're equipped to love and serve your friend going through infertility.