Truth vs. Feelings

The battle between the truth of God and my feelings has been one of the biggest battles I have faced throughout this process. I know the truth of God-He is good, He is faithful, He is kind and so much more. But in this season it has been hard for me to feel like He is being good to me or faithful to me or kind to me. I know God never forsakes me, but I feel forsaken. I know God hears my prayers, but I don't feel like He does. Sometimes I just feel like "God, where are you?"I don't feel like He is present.

I get so frustrated with myself because I know I should believe the truth. but it's just so hard for me sometimes. I have come to the point where I am okay with struggling with these things. In fact, I think it's good for me to struggle through these things. I see how God is using my questioning of His character to strengthen my walk with him. I am really having to "go there" in my heart and see where the unbelief lies. I feel like the man in the gospel accounts who said "I believe but help my unbelief." I believe those things to be true about God, but in my day to day life there is so much unbelief.

One Sunday in church we were singing "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and I just couldn't sing it. I didn't feel like God's faithfulness to me was great. That's when I remembered a quote from one of my favorite author's C.J. Mahaney. (Just a quick side note- I love C.J. Mahaney. I even have my picture with him! I have learned SO much from his books and his sermons. I am so thankful for his life. If you have never read anything by him, you should. If you live near me I'll even let you borrow my books!) Anyway, back to the point, in his book Living the Cross Centered Life he has a chapter titled "what I feel vs. what is real" Oh my has this chapter changed my thinking! He says when we encounter a verse or a truth about God our first question shouldn't be how do I feel about this, but is it true? So that day as I was sitting in church I was encountered with that question. I had to ask myself is this true? Is His faithfulness great? The answer in my mind was immediate-yes. Regardless of how I felt it didn't change the truth that God is faithful and His faithfulness is great. His faithfulness to me is great.

So I guess my point is, I will probably continue to struggle with this very issue as I continue along in this journey, but at the end of the day my prayer is that I will always be brought back to the truth and that no matter how I feel, I will cling to what is real. And what is real? God is good, He is faithful, He is kind, He has not forsaken me, He hears my prayers, He is ever-present, this list could go on forever. No matter where this journey takes me, the truth about Him never changes and I am going to hold fast to that.